


Love, Magic and Lies

by EarthAngelGirl30



Category: Loki - Fandom, Thor (Movies), lokixsif - Fandom, sifki - Fandom
Genre: Declarations Of Love, Eventual Relationships, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Jötunn Loki, Loki Angst, Loki Feels, Love Confessions, Love/Hate, Marvel - Freeform, My First Fanfic, My First Work in This Fandom, No Smut, Norse Mythology - Freeform, Past Loki/Sif (Marvel) - Freeform, Resolved Sexual Tension, Sexual Tension, Sifki Week, The Loki/Sif Big Bang, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-13
Updated: 2016-03-14
Packaged: 2018-05-26 10:02:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 59,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6234313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EarthAngelGirl30/pseuds/EarthAngelGirl30
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after the events of Thor and Avengers Assemble, but before The Dark World. Some inserts from Norse mythology.<br/>*Disclaimer* All characters belong to Marvel and/or the Poetic/Elda Eddas of Norse legend... </p>
<p>When Sif seeks answers from the disgraced Loki she gets more than she bargained for when he unlocks her memories, causing old feelings to resurface. Confused as they begin to deepen,mane driven by a desire to right past wrongs, she begins to understand his twisted logic. <br/>But will her newfound affection for the damned prince be enough to tame his wild heart? Is he even capable of opening his brittle heart up to love? Or will this forbidden union be his, or her undoing? </p>
<p>They say the path of true love never runs smooth....even more so when it is strewn with magic and lies.... </p>
<p>I originally began writing this back in early 2013, and am currently working on the follow-up.<br/>Please, please please leave comments/reviews etc....it would mean an awful lot to me. Thank you for taking the time to read/view my work, hope you enjoy! ^^</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Secret Visit

The echoing of her footsteps bounced off the walls of the narrowed tunnels. The flames flickering in the sconces as she passed by, her pace brisk and purposeful.  
She turned another corner, whereupon she saw a burly guard at his post. As she approached him she removed the hood of her cloak, revealing her identity to him. 

The guard stammered as he addressed her, a clear indication of his surprise in seeing her here,  
"My, my Lady..how can I-"

Sif held up a hand to silence his questioning,  
"I have come to see the prisoner"

The guard blinked and looked uncertain.

"Kindly let me pass"   
She instructed.

"But, but Lady Sif the Allfather clearly stated that no one is to visit this prisoner." 

Sif took a deep breath before she spoke again, she was not at ease with having to lie in order to gain access to the man she sought out but desperation spurred her on.   
"I am aware of the Allfather's wishes. However it is Odin himself who has sent me here."

The guard was visibly even more confused but thankfully he moved away from the door where he'd been keeping vigil,  
"Oh, well..in that case My Lady.."

Sif breathed a sigh of relief as he fumbled with the keys on his belt.   
Clearly security here was far too lax, she found herself thinking. If the gaurds could be so easily fooled into disobeying Odin's strictest of orders. Still, right now she was grateful for it.

At last the heavy door creaked open and hesitantly Sif stepped into the small space. Her eyes took a while to adjust to this dimly lit cell, only a small single candle burned in the corner.  
It was then she became aware of the dark figure clad entirely in black, sat on the floor in the corner. It didn't move or make a sound and for a moment Sif wondered if he was in fact still alive. She took a small step closer, before finally uttering the name she hadn't spoken for so long...  
"Loki?"

Another moment passed before the figure slowly began to raise it's head. She wasn't sure of what to expect, having not seen him for such a long time, but as her eyes fell on his ghostly pale face, sunken eyes and demonic glare the breath caught in her throat.  
His hair had grown longer from when she had last seen him, his raven locks now flicked out where it touched his shoulders. The blackness of his clothing and hair in the dark room accentuated his pale complexion.   
Did he not recognise her? She couldn't understand why he remained so silent and impassive.  
She cleared her throat and tried again   
"Loki..it is I Sif"

Still nothing, not a murmur passed his lips.  
"Loki why do you not speak?"

Slowly he lowered his head back to the stone floor, causing Sif great irritation.  
"Do not ignore me trickster. You at least owe me an explanation!"

At that Loki's head snapped up again, his eyes burning into hers, and his jaw set tight.   
For a moment Sif felt as if this wasn't Loki at all, she could not recall ever seeing him look at her with such pure animosity before.

Finally he spoke, his usually smooth voice nothing more than a low growl,   
"I know it is you. I've not completely lost my wits. However I fail to see why you seem to believe that I owe you anything!"

Sif was furious at this,   
"Well I knew an apology would be too much to ask for but an explanation as to why you purposefully tried to destroy us-"

"Us?"  
He interrupted, looking blankly at her.

"Yes us....myself, Fandral, Volstagg and Hogun...as well as Thor..."

Loki bristled openly at the mention of the Thunderer's name. Sif ignored it and persisted,  
"Why would you do such a thing? You sent the destroyer to kill us all, even your own brother!"

Suddenly he was on his feet, towering over her, his face merely inches away from her own,  
"He is not my brother!"   
He spat angrily.

Sif was suddenly gripped by panic, his movements had been too quick for her to even register. She swallowed hard, and shakily tried to stand her ground,  
"You still tried to kill us.....why would you do that?"

"You acted as traitors, you defied the orders of your King!"

She could feel the coolness of his breath on her, instinctively she backed away slowly.

"You betrayed me, for him!"   
He was saying now.

Sif frowned,  
"We could not just leave him alone on Midgard, powerless.."

"Oh but he wasn't alone, was he Sif?"   
He jibed. He was smiling now, but not a warm genuine smile. It was a sneer, a vindictive smirk.   
"He had his midgardian woman to keep him company. Your betrothed was busy courting a mortal. Yet still you ran to him!"

Sif closed her eyes to shut out his sneering expression,   
"I did not go running to him....it is Thor's business whom he.."   
She faltered slightly,   
"...I mean I cannot expect him to feel for me when it is not his choice to be betrothed to me. We live separate lives and our betrothal only still stands as it is not for us to question the Allfather's bidding."

Loki began to laugh, a mocking laugh. He looked for a moment as if he almost pitied her. This angered her greatly. 

"Nothing you speak of explains your actions Loki!"   
she pointed out.

Loki looked bored now, as if he could no longer be bothered with the conversation. But after a lengthy pause he replied,  
"You would think that Sif!"   
He hissed,  
"You have always had a habit of being blind to what is around you."

Sif frowned at his proclamation. She didn't understand, and she was about to question him again when he supplied the explanation for her as if he had read her thoughts,  
"Surely you have learnt that every action has a reaction, to which there is then a consequence?"

"So you are telling me that because we went to Midgard to find Thor you tried to destroy us?"

He had turned away from her now and was walking back to his preferred corner,  
"This has nothing to do with those other fools! You came for an explanation, you alone....it is your actions I am speaking of not theirs!"

"Alright, so it is because I disobeyed your command when you took the throne-"

"It was my birthright!"   
He yelled in anguish, making Sif physically jump   
"My mother was in attendance when I was presented Gungnir, she reminded me that the line of succession fell to me. I did not usurp Odin. I was merely doing my duty for Asgard. But you wouldn't think of that would you? You who have always sought to make me the villain and less of a man than the mighty Thor!"

Sif could not believe what he was saying, his words completely baffled her.   
"Loki, you have always been envious of your br- I mean Thor.."  
she corrected quickly,   
"Why am I to blame for that?"

Loki turned and gave her a meaningful look over his shoulder,  
"As I said before, you have always been blind to what unfolds around you. I am saying no more. Now leave me be."

He slumped back down into the corner, as if exhausted by his own emotions. He hung his head and she could hear his breath coming in short, shallow gasps.   
It was then that Sif took notice for the first time, the squalid conditions of this 'hidden' cell. Unlike the others in the main prison complex, it was cold in here, dark and the air seemed almost thin.  
She had previously noted the bruises and scars on his face when he'd been close up to her. He most definitely needed a treatment session in the healing rooms. It was clear now she looked closely at him that he really wasn't well. Physically and possibly mentally too.   
His mind was unbalanced, his actions on Asgard and then more recently on Midgard were not that of someone in their right mind. She should feel pity for him and forgive his past acts of lunacy.

For some reason she found herself walking towards his slumped form, and crouched down beside him,  
"Loki you are unwell. Is there anything I can do to help ease your discomfort?"  
She spoke gently.

Slowly he looked up at her, his expression different again. This time he looked sad, his orphans' eyes held a vulnerability in them that made him look almost lost.  
"I am quite well thank you. I need nothing..."  
He paused briefly for affect before adding quite poignantly   
"....from you."

Sif couldn't quite explain why this hurt her feelings like it did. Loki was nothing to her.  
Then she realised, is that what he was trying to point out?  
"Loki, why speak so aggressively towards me? I am merely trying to-"

"What Sif, comfort me?"   
He cut in abruptly, his expression changing again. He now looked offended and defensive  
"I do not need your pity Lady Sif. I would much rather you vent the anger you feel towards me, and be on your way."

Exasperated she made to stand, when suddenly he reached out and caught her firmly by the hand,  
"Have you not listened to a word I've said? You came here for an explanation, I've given it to you so it is not my fault if you cannot comprehend it!"  
His touch was alarmingly cold and he pulled her closer towards him, making her gasp,  
"You stated earlier that it is not for us to question the great Odin's bidding, yet you disobey him by coming here to question me. You seem to make a habit of disobeying the orders of King's!"

Sif was gasping for breath now, her arm caught in his vice-like grip, which held her close to him. She knew she could attempt to fight free but something deep within made her powerless against him.

"So you came seeking answers..."  
He continued to rant,  
"...well I shall have to assist you being as you are blind to the truth!"

He reached up with his other hand and placed his fingertips on her forehead. As before his touch was cold, but then a warmth began radiating across her brow, and suddenly she began to feel dizzy.  
"What are you doing? Stop it!"  
She protested and pulled away from his touch.

He let her free of his grasp.  
"I am merely helping you to understand what it is you so desperately wish to know."   
He said calmly.

Sif blinked, suddenly feeling tired and very confused.  
As if knowing this Loki called out,  
"Guard, the Lady is done here!"

The door creaked open and the guard stood waiting for her to leave.   
In a daze she turned back to look at Loki one last time. He stared back at her, and for a moment it was as if she could hear his voice, softly speaking inside her head...  
"Do not fear me Sif....I would never truly intend to harm you."


	2. The Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what exactly did he do to her? And more significantly...why?

Sif could scarcely remember how she'd made it back to her chambers in the palace that night. It was all a blur. Her head ached and spun, making any coherent though impossible for her. 

Collapsing onto her bed, she even lacked the strength to remove her clothing.   
No sooner had she rested her pounding head, when she fell into a deep sleep that she did not wake from until almost 24 hours later.

And as she slept she dreamed. The dream was vivid and real, because it was no ordinary dream. It was in fact not actually a dream at all, but memories. Memories that Sif had long since forgotten, buried deep within her mind.   
Like the other Gods and Goddesses of Asgard, her life had already spanned many centuries. Though her physical form was that of a woman in her early thirties, by mortal standards, memories from when she was still a young girl were far back in the mists of time. Yet in the dream here she was again, on the verge of womanhood, about to leave her teen years behind her..

The warm sunlight in the palace gardens caressed her skin as she wandered along the pathway. Her fingers reaching out to brush against the colourful flowers as she walked by. The sound of birds singing high up in the trees filled her ears and a soft breeze tousled her golden hair.  
Then she saw him. Lounging lazily on the grass, his head propped up by his elbow, a pile of books beside him. 

Just at that moment he looked up, suddenly aware of her presence,  
"Good day to you my Lady"   
He said politely, smiling the most heart warming of smiles, genuine and pleasant.

Sif approached him, not returning the smile,  
"So you still prefer to shun sparring practice in favour of your old texts Loki?"   
Her question was clearly more of a statement.

Loki, the smile never leaving his young face, closed the book he was reading and sat up,  
"Do not mistake my absence for ignorance Sif. My beliefs are that a strong mind is as equally important as a strong body, would you not agree?"

Sif glanced pointedly at his long, gangly legs stretched out before him and his narrow frame,  
"So, what you lack in body strength you hope to gain more in the way of knowledge?"

Loki's usually pale cheeks coloured slightly at this,  
"I have not yet finished growing, however the mind never ceases to."  
He replied quietly.

Without ceremony, she now flopped down heavily beside him. Her face wore a grim expression.

"Am I wrong to assume that my brother has put you in this glum mood?"   
He ventured.

Sif visibly bristled, she hated being predictable. She should not be so easy to read.  
"He appears to have lost all interest in me Loki...."  
She admitted sadly,   
"Your father has stated that we are to be married once we come of age fully, yet Thor does not seem to care for me anymore." 

Loki appeared fidgety at her speaking to him so openly. He hesitated a while, not knowing what to say.  
"Ahh, well...I suppose you cannot expect he would be overjoyed at the prospect of marriage with him being so young."

Sif frowned,  
"He is older than yourself Loki, and I for that matter...and besides, our marriage will not yet be for many years."

Loki lay back onto the grass idly, his arms behind his head, eyes firmly fixed on the sky,  
"That may be so, but you know Thor as do I. He does not always think clearly, he wishes to prove himself first as a capable warrior, so his mind is distracted by thoughts of war at present...not love."  
He looked up at Sif and seemed surprised to find she was smiling at him now,  
"What amuses you so?"  
He demanded somewhat self consciously. 

"You do Loki"   
She was giggling now,  
"It seems no one knows Thor quite as well as you do."

Loki shrugged and closed his eyes against the glare of the sunlight   
"That may be so, he is my brother after all."

Sif lay down on her side facing him, her head resting on her hand,  
"You also have a very old head on your young shoulders."

It was now Loki's turn to laugh,  
"I am not sure if you mean that as a compliment or an insult my Lady!" 

Sif laughed again,   
"It is not intended as an insult. By reference to age I mean wisdom....you're far wiser than your brother Loki, despite you being younger than he"

She studied him closely, and she could not recall having done so before. In fact she had probably never even been this close to him before. His face was slim, pale with angular features but handsome. His eyes were a deep emerald green, as opposed to Thor's crystal blue ones. His hair was thick and black as a starry night, though when in the light it appeared to have a hint of blue about it, like a raven's feathers. Again, this was in stark contrast to Thor's, shaggy blonde mane.

"What are you looking at?"   
Loki spoke suddenly, shattering her thoughts.

"I am merely taking in how different you are."  
She replied honestly.

"To...Thor?"

Sif was about to agree when a thought occurred to her,  
"Well, yes but also to everyone else I suppose"

Loki turned now to face her, mirroring her position by leaning on his elbow   
"In what way?"

"In every way"   
She replied without hesitation,   
"Most Asgardians are fair haired. Either blonde, red or brown and yet yours is so dark."

Loki was smiling again, she noticed for the first time the way his eyes narrowed as he did so.  
"So you are referring to my appearance rather than character? I was expecting you to point out my obvious interests in reading and spell casting. And the blatant lack of interest in fighting"

Sif pretended to roll her eyes,  
"Well yes, there is that also which undeniably makes you different"

Slowly the smile faded from his lips, and his eyes turned down to stare at the area of grass that lay between them.   
"There is nothing wrong with it...but people tend to fear what is different" 

He looked almost solemn now.  
Sif could somehow sense his sadness, and understood why he felt this way. He was often made fun of at the training arena for his unconventional style of fighting. He always chose daggers over an axe or sword, though sometimes he'd stretch to using a spear. However the most peculiar trait, was his method of fighting with his feet rather than hands. His long legs were deadly, his balance outstanding. He was able to kick so incredibly high and straight, rendering his opponent helpless against the force of it.

When questioned he claimed it was a form of combat practised in the far East of Midgard, and that it took great skill to master it. Needless to say, no one was impressed. At the palace he was ridiculed for his quietness; often choosing to read alone rather than join in with the lively banter of the warriors Three and Thor.   
Then of course there was the magic...  
Many jibed him for his dedication to the craft. But Loki being Loki, was not perturbed by their mockery. Yes, there was no denying Loki was most definitely different.

Sif leaned in closer to him and spoke in hushed tones, as if the trees themselves may be listening,  
"Have you...have you ever been kissed Loki?"

Loki's eyes widened in shock, and Sif herself was surprised by her boldness for asking such a personal question.

"I, well..ahh.."   
He stammered, clearly flummoxed;  
"..why would you ask such a question? Surely it can be of little interest to you."

Sif couldn't blame him for being affronted. Never before had the pair shared any time alone together. Now here they were lying side by side, talking as if they were close friends.  
"I'm sorry Loki, I know it is none of my business. It's just that because you're so different, and you say that people fear those who are. So I am curious to know if girls are too afeared to."

Loki stared at her curiously, his dark brows knitting together in a deep frown,  
"My word, that is a bizarre curiosity to have...and suppose I were to ask you the same question?"   
He tried to keep his face serious as he added,  
"...though regarding men rather than women."

Sh laughed nervously, grateful for him taking this as well as he was. Previously she would have expected Loki to be outraged at such a line of questioning, he always seemed so serious and rigid.

"I, well....Thor isn't different as you are. He attracts girls easily, they do not fear him they desire him."  
She said eventually.

Loki cast his eyes down again as he realised what she was saying.  
"Ahh, so you have kissed the mighty Thor.....well..."

He fell silent as she edged even closer to him now, diminishing the distance between them.   
"I wonder.."  
She pondered aloud,  
"..how different a kisser you are to him. You're so different in every other way."

Loki swallowed hard and Sif could sense his tension, she couldn't quite believe her boldness either. Had she been out in the midday sun for too long? She wasn't thinking clearly, but there was something pulling her towards the awkward young prince. She had never felt anything like it before.  
Their eyes locked and Sif felt her face burning. And when he spoke his words were no more than a whisper,   
"Do you..fear me Sif?"

Their heads were now tilting closer towards each other, she could feel his breathing quicken, as had her own.  
"I.....n-no, I don't fear you Loki."

She found herself closing her eyes automatically, as if instinctively aware of what was coming next.  
Time seemed to stand still, everything began to move in slow motion: the breeze blowing the leaves from the trees, the birds flying high in the pale blue sky above them.....and then it came..  
His lips met her's gently at first, though the contact was electrifying and she had to stifle a gasp. After the initial shock, and the reality of what was happening sunk in, she found herself melting into him.   
Her hands reached up into his hair, tousling it with her fingers as she kissed him back, firmer, with more conviction as her passion heightened.  
She felt herself tilting, and realised he was lowering her head to the ground. For a moment she thought she heard a stifled moan come from him, which was a tantalising yet terrifying thought. Her entire body was now trembling, as the affect of his lips washed over her like a giant lust-filled wave.

And then it happened. A voice. Or rather, a roar of anger that shattered the silence and the moment.  
The pair flew apart, Loki was stammering, clearly mortified at having been caught in such an intimate clinch by none other than Sif's intended husband. His brother. 

"Th-Thor, I..ahh.."  
He stammered, scrambling to his feet hastily.

Sif was frantically rearranging her tunic, which was now creased and grass stained.

Thor's face certainly depicted an expression that was thunderous.   
"What goes on here?!"   
He demanded, glaring at his younger brother angrily.

Loki was desperately trying to smooth down his dishevelled locks of hair, unable to look him in the eye.  
"Brother, I am sorry....it was just-"

Sif jumped to her feet and found her voice at last;  
"Nothing!"   
She declared, her tone steady and defiant. 

Thor turned to look at her, her face was still flushed but she somehow managed to stare back at him,  
"It was nothing!"   
She repeated vehemently.

She noticed Loki looking at her strangely, his eyes searching her face. For what, she did not know.   
Thor turned and began to stomp away, grumbling something under his breath.  
Sif automatically began to race after him,   
"Thor, wait! Please, it was nothing I swear!"

As she left Loki behind, without another glance back, she thought she caught the sound of his voice...in her head..

"Was it...really nothing?"


	3. What if?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still deeply confused, Sif attempts to make sense of the dream and memories that have suddenly come flooding back. But it is only the beginning of the puzzle...

New images were now unfolding in Sif's dream. She saw her young self standing in the doorway of Thor's chambers, pleading with him desperately. 

He was pacing back and forth, his face contorted with rage.  
"I am a Prince of Asgard!"  
He was bellowing,  
"One day I shall be King of this realm, and you the Queen who is to share my throne. And you dare bring disgrace upon my family by fraternising with my own kith and kin!"

Sif shook her head frantically,   
"It is no betrayal Thor, I swear to you I feel nothing for Loki, it was merely a mistake...in honesty I do not know what came over me."

Thor strode over to her at this,  
"Do you suspect Loki has weaved some form of spell upon you?" 

Sif screwed her eyes tightly shut, her head ached. She was confused and couldn't make sense of these events, so how was she supposed to explain her actions to Thor?  
"I..do not know for certain. It is difficult to describe the madness that came over me. Thor it will not happen again..but in fairness you yourself have.."   
She paused whilst deciding how to word her next sentence,   
"...you have other lovers. And whilst I do not know if you bed them you cannot deny you court them. I have seen you. Only yesterday you went out riding with Freya again!"

She could see his anger waning slightly now. 

"Freya and I..well.."   
He faltered slightly,   
"...we..well the fact remains Sif that although you and I are betrothed to each other, it is.."

"Nothing more than a sham?"  
She offered.

Thor looked shocked, as if she had just struck him,  
"No..but we are not to be wed for many years yet, and if our hearts lie elsewhere then my father cannot expect us to remain celibate until the time of our marriage!" 

Sif's jaw fell open in shock,   
"So your heart lies with Freya at present does it? Whilst last week it lay with some other maiden and no doubt by next week it will be lying elsewhere again!"

Thor looked seriously disgruntled by her outburst, but did not dare interrupt her as she continued her rant. 

"You are mistaking lust for love Thor! But whether it is your heart or just your loins that lay elsewhere, 'tis clear that your heart does not lie with me!"   
Her words hung heavily in the air between them, Sif could sense the impact they had. For a while they merely stood silently glaring at each other, when finally Thor spoke;   
"You mean to say that you actually have feelings for me Sif? Other than friendship?"

Sif's cheeks flushed and she could feel tears forming in her eyes, much to her disgust. She hated anyone seeing her vulnerable or emotional, especially Thor. She constantly challenged him during weapons training, she strived to be taken seriously some day as a warrior in her own right. So to crumble before the mighty Odinson; one of the realm's most formidable warriors, was the height of embarrassment for her.   
Yet for some reason she could not stop the words that seemed to keep spilling from her mouth,  
"Yes, clearly I must..being as I even turned to Loki in order to try and make you jealous!" 

She made to leave the room but Thor reached out for her hand.  
"You mean that whole scene in the gardens was merely a charade? Who put such a notion into your head, was it Loki's idea? He is a master of trickery!" 

"No, it was my doing, he cannot be blamed. I was seeking a reaction from you, that is all it was!"

Thor's frowned deepened,   
"So you do not harbour any feeling for Loki?" 

Sif shook her head without hesitation,   
"Of course not, how could I? That is a ridiculous notion, Loki and I are as different as night and day. Just as you are different to him also. You and I have many things in common, from our fair looks to our fighting abilities...Loki with his dark looks and interest in the arts of magic...."  
She paused, briefly before adding,  
"...he's just too different."

The image of her dream faded to be replaced by a scene of Sif stirring in her bed. She opened her eyes to see a shadowy figure leaning over her in the darkness. Her momentary panic eased as she suddenly, for some inexplicable reason, was able to sense who it was...  
"Loki?"   
Her mind was still clouded by sleep. Loki straightened and made as if to walk away but she reached out and caught hold of his hand. His touch though cold, was soft and his hand was clenched tightly into a fist.   
"What is wrong?"   
She asked, her fingers tracing his in the dark, and then she felt it...gripped within his hand she felt the cold, sharp steel. 

She practically yelped as sudden terror seized her and she snatched her hand away as if scolded, leaving Loki to turn on his heel and disappear without a word.   
Fumbling to light a candle that stood by her bedside, her hands were shaking uncontrollably.  
And then from the candle light, through narrowed eyes, hindered by the sudden brightness, she saw the long locks of golden hair that lay strewn across the furs that covered her on the bed.  
Once more panic hit her like cold water being thrown into her face. She reached up to touch her hair and all she could grasp was short, spikey clumps. Instantly she burst into tears and scrambled out of bed towards the mirror which stood in the corner. Her reflection confirmed her fears; her beautiful, long hair had been shorn, unevenly as some stuck up in tufts, other strands were too short to. 

She stared back at her weeping form in the mirror and felt sure of one thing, whatever she thought she may have felt for Loki, now it was nothing more than pure contempt.

******************

Sif woke from the dream with a start, heart pounding. Her first reaction was to reach a hand up to her head. She almost sighed with relief as her fingers wound around her long, dark locks.   
Yes, dark locks. She sat back and found herself remembering when she saw it for the first time. How Loki had come to her feigning remorse for his rash actions and brandishing length upon length of pure, spun gold; made especially for her by the dwarves at Loki's behest. 

The way the gold shone dazzled her, and her hatred for Loki waned temporarily.  
As he spoke the runes and twisted the precious locks into her own hair, she gaped in awe as it magically weaved around her own roots, until it was attached as firmly as if it were her own hair.   
But then that night, as darkness fell and the moon rose high into the sky, the colour had changed. Starting at the ends, the yellow appeared as if to drain from it before her very eyes, and was replaced by grey which then transformed into a deeper shade...black.

She recalled how she had sought Loki out frantically, demanding to know what trickery he was playing on her now.   
He stood before her, his emerald orbs drinking in the blackness of it as he held a few strands gingerly between his fingertips, examining it closely.  
He did not know...he claimed...and seemed as genuinely perplexed as she. However his eyes gave him away. Sif was sure the twinkling she saw there was mischief dancing in them, an indication of his guilt. She was to never trust him again.

Yet now she possessed more wisdom in her adult years, she began to wonder if Loki's acts had been spawned from jealousy. What if somehow, he had known what she'd said to Thor that day in his chambers? Perhaps he'd been eavesdropping and acted in retaliation. But why? The mores she mulled it over in her mind, she started to feel as if his anger was almost justifiable. She had, after all practically seduced him into a kiss in the palace gardens, only to dismiss it as nothing more than a calculated act to make Thor jealous.  
The most ironic thing was that Thor had been jealous, but not from any reciprocated feelings for her. His rage stemmed from nothing more than his bruised ego. It had injured his pride because she'd had the nerve to kiss his brother, even though he himself indulged in acts far more lewd than that with many girls...And there had been many more since. 

It was these actions that had gradually caused any love she once felt for Thor to ebb slowly away. They were close friends but nothing more these days.  
And even though Odin still wished for the pair to marry some day, Sif had long since realised that all she had been was infatuated with Thor. She admired him and respected his skills as a warrior, but his moral compass pointed in a different direction to her own. She was not a romantic fool but she knew now the love she felt for him was that of which you feel for one's own sibling. She loved him like a brother.

As she dressed quickly into her studded warrior skirt and bodice, her mind continued to wander. Prior to the incident all those years ago when she and Loki had shared that brief intimate moment, there had never been a second glance past between them. He was a loner, rarely ever choosing to socialise with others of his age.  
She had laughed along with Thor and Balder as they jibed him for spending so many hours studying ancient scripts in the palace library.   
They had only exchanged a few mumbled words when necessary, and these were just the minimum of pleasantries.

But then after Sif's gaffe with him in the gardens and the incident involving him cutting her hair off with a knife, there had always been a strained awkwardness between them. As they blossomed into adults, they managed to remain amicable with each other, mainly for appearances sake. Many sideways glances had been exchanged; going unnoticed to the untrained eye. She'd assumed this was due to their mutual resentment for each other..  
Though now all these memories were flooding back to her, swamping her mind like a river that had burst its banks. She found herself questioning everything she had previously thought and felt.

There was no denying Loki was handsome. Not in a rugged way like Thor and Balder, or a foppish way like Fandral and many other Asgardian nobles. Loki stood out from the crowd. He'd grown into his long legs, his shoulders broadening and making him less gangly. His complexion was like ivory and clean-shaven; unlike the majority of the realm's male population, Loki chose not to sport facial hair. He had a penchant for black and dark green clothing and wore combined leather armour most of the time rather than just plate.  
All in all, despite her reluctance she had to admit....he looked rather stunning.  
But in spite of this, he never seemed to entertain women. There must have been plenty of girls in Asgard who would jump at the chance to court the youngest Prince. But as he matured his reputation began to precede him. He was seen as a mischief maker, sorcerer and an unconventional fighter. This no doubt, would strike fear into the heart of any average female. 

It was this that made Sif realise that she herself was not actually intimidated by any of those attributes.  
She knew Loki was different when she willingly shared that forbidden kiss with him. And as for her previous excuse that it had been to make Thor jealous; she was forced to face the fact now that was not entirely true.   
She had felt an inexplicable pull towards Loki that day, it was overwhelming and she'd allowed herself to be swept along by it. 

She shook her head hard as if to clear all such thoughts from her mind.  
Surely Loki had to be responsible for causing these memories to resurface? She recalled what he had done to her in his cell.   
But why? It was though he was trying to help her understand something. The things he had said to her, about betraying him...and running to Thor. As well as his accusation that she always sought to make him out as the villain. She could make no sense of it. 

Could Loki still be harbouring a grudge against her for what happened centuries ago?   
And if so, why? 

Suddenly a possibility ran through her mind that seemed to make her heart skip a beat....Surely he had not once had feelings for her? Or even less likely, that he still did?  
She almost laughed aloud at the sheer thought. Loki, having such feelings and emotions seemed impossible.

Wasn't it?


	4. The Prisoner's Fate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's judgement day for Loki, and much to the horror and confusion of her fellow Asgardians, Sif finds herself speaking in his defence in the hope that Odin will show leniency, in order to curb a Loki's destructive nature. But what impact, if any, will her actions have on the verdict?

As Sif made her way along the marble hallway, she was so distracted that she did not become aware of the throng of people gathering outside the great hall until their noise pierced through her thoughts. 

Confused, she moved towards them and asked the nearest person what was happening.

"We are awaiting the Allfather's verdict.."   
They replied excitedly,  
"...and the disgraced prince is yet to leave the court. We hope to witness his banishment!"

The realisation hit Sif hard. Had she slept long enough to miss an entire day? And more importantly, she had not been present at Loki's trial! Her stomach turned. 

Just at that moment the doors swung open and chaos ensued. Guard's had to hold back the crowd in order for the entourage who had been present throughout the trial to leave.   
Nobles and elder's alike filed out, including Fandral, Volstagg and Hogun.   
Frantically Sif called to them.  
Upon hearing her cries, Fandral made his way through the crowd to her. 

"Where is Thor and Odin?"   
She asked without even greeting him,   
"Has Odin reached a verdict? What of Loki? Has his fate been determined?" 

Fandral wore a grim expression that would even rival that of Hogun.   
"Sif, Thor remains inside with Odin, Frigga and Balder. They are to discuss Loki's punishment."

Just then members of the crowd began to shout;   
"He is coming, here he comes!"

Sif had to force her way through so she was able to get a better view. Three figures left the room, two of which were heavily armed guards, walking on either side of Loki.   
Sif gasped openly. His hands were bound in chains, a further one of which was attached to a neck collar and a metal contraption was clamped across his mouth like a muzzle.   
His bruises and scars were more visible now in the light, and though he walked with his head held high in defiance his eyes betrayed him again; they were fixed firmly on the ground in shame.

"This is not right!"   
Sif said to Fandral as he at last made it to her side.  
"He should not be paraded around in chains like an animal whilst these people shout abuse. He is still a prince of Asgard, not a slave!" 

Fandral frowned and she could tell that he did not share her opinion,   
"Sif, he has fallen from grace in a spectacular manner. He deserves no sympathy, especially from us...how can you dismiss his crimes against us so easily? We were his friends! Never mind the crimes he's committed against our realm and Midgard!"

Sif shook her head,  
"I do not dismiss his crimes Fandral, but what about our crimes against him?"   
She turned to face him, hand on hip,   
"We were never really his 'friends' were we? We were Thor's friends, and Loki was merely tolerated by us at best but never truly accepted."

Fandral looked perplexed,   
"That is not entirely true Sif.....he would join in our conversations and banter occasionally."

"Regardless of that and regardless of what he has done, he is still a prince and he's being treated like a-"

"Sif!"   
Fandral raised his voice in anger,  
"Why the sudden change of heart? Only the other day you yourself spoke of the contempt you felt for him, so what is this?" 

The level of the noise from the jeering crowd escalated as Loki was led by.  
Sif had seen enough..

"Stop it!"   
She shouted angrily, and began forcing her way through them once more,  
"Why can't you just leave him be?!"

Amazingly, they began to fall silent at the sight of Asgard's Lady warrior pushing people aside, and the indignant tone in her voice was unmistakable.   
She was strong and easily removed those who were now blocking her path. A red mist of rage had descended upon her and it wasn't until she found herself face to face with Loki himself that she stopped. Stunned as she hadn't even realised she'd been making her way towards him, she'd merely tried to disperse the crowd.

For a brief moment their eyes met and Sif did not like the strange new sensation that seemed to stir within the pit of her stomach.  
His emerald eyes no longer sparkled though. Instead they looked dull and empty. 

Sif turned towards the crowd,   
"Can you not show some respect? This is our prince not a spectacle to be stared at and tormented like some caged animal!" 

A few onlookers began to mock her and criticise her for defending him.  
Without thinking, Sif walked around the back of Loki and with one swift movement she unclasped the mouth- guard which was fastened in place at the back of his head.  
"He should at least be permitted to speak for himself, then I have no need to defend him!"  
She proclaimed, as it clattered to the floor.

At that one of the guard's lunged towards her, attempting to restrain her for what she had just done. She pushed him away but then suddenly Loki spoke;   
"Take your hands off her!"   
He snarled menacingly.  
Sif barely blinked but in that instant the guard was sent sailing through the air, having fallen victim to one of Loki's lethal kicks.   
The crowd parted, gasping and screaming as he landed across the hallway in a damaged heap on the floor. The other guards surrounded Loki, swords drawn but they left Sif alone, not wanting to provoke any further outbursts from their prisoner. 

Then Odin's voice rang out from inside the great hall, reverberating along the walls,  
"Take the prisoner back to his cell and disperse that crowd at once!"

Guard's rushed by, ushering the spectators along and Loki was swiftly frog-marched away. 

Then Odin's voice called out once more,  
"Lady Sif....come here!"   
He boomed.

Entering the hall, somewhat apprehensively, she knelt before her King Odin and Frigga. The pair sat regally upon their matching thrones, and for a moment Sif felt as if she were on trial. Over to the left, Thor and Balder stood looking on. 

"My King I apologise for the disruption, it was not intended."   
She spoke out honestly.

Odin's only eye peered down on her disapprovingly. The all-seeing eye. Like Heimdall, Sif knew Odin possessed that same power and could have seen everything that had just taken place outside of his halls here if he so wished.  
"Lady Sif this is a grave day for me. You are aware I am having to decide the fate of my youngest son.....this, you understand lies most heavily upon my hear. I need absolute clarity in order for me to deliberate and deliver my verdict. Such outbursts are not acceptable.."

Shamefaced, Sif nodded meekly.

".....however being as such behaviour is so out of character for you, it shall be overlooked on this occaision. But I still demand an explanation for your reckless actions."

Feeling very self conscious and painfully aware of Thor's presence, she reluctantly proceeded to tell Odin that she was disappointed at having missed the trial, and admitted to how much the crowd's jibes had riled her.  
She explained she had taken pity on Loki in his vulnerable state, and had lost her temper. 

Odin always appeared to be bearing many burdens and worries, it showed in his face. His mood more often than not was subdued to the point of seeming sombre, as though he carried the weight of the nine realms upon his wise, old shoulders.   
He sat solemnly, his eye fixed on the middle distance, contemplating her words before he finally spoke again,  
"Your sudden interest in the matter puzzles me Lady Sif. I am well aware of the wrongs you have endured at the hand of Loki, along with your noble companions..."  
He peered at her now, studying her face closely,   
"..I am also aware that you are of a passionate nature, your skills as a warrior are enhanced by your righteous virtues. But why you should feel compelled to defend the one who has caused you such grievances I do not understand."

Sif opened her mouth as though to speak, but she did not know what to say. She could barely make sense of it herself.

Just then Frigga spoke up,  
"My Lord, the Lady Sif is of a compassionate nature also...perhaps it is not for us to question her actions. To do so would mean questioning her beliefs." 

Odin was not convinced, he continued to search her face; registering her expression, noting the way her cheeks coloured slightly and her unwillingness to make eye contact.

Eventually she cracked under his interrogative stare.  
"My King, I.....merely believe that although Loki has committed many crimes against myself and others of this realm, as well as those on Midgard, I feel the reasons that have driven him to such destruction must be taken into account." 

She could hear Thor muttering to Balder but she avoided looking across in their direction. She knew they would not approve of her speaking out so honestly. 

Odin was frowning at her also,   
"And what reasons are these? What do you claim has driven my son to instigate such violent acts? Actions that have resulted in him being branded a war criminal and a traitor?"

Sif swallowed hard. She was only too aware of the ever-growing list of terrible deeds that Loki had done. She had witnessed his wrath first hand on Midgard, when he'd sent the Destroyer after them. Yet still that seemed to pale in comparison to what had gone on after he had disappeared from Asgard.  
Even though she disliked Loki and did not trust him, she had recoiled in horror at the atrocities Thor had described upon his return after the battle to save the Earth realm.   
How had he been capable of such things? She did not know. It scared her and intrigued her in equal measures. She longed to know. 

She couldn't fully understand what was driving her to want to get inside of Loki's head. But she guessed that she now partly felt responsible for his self destructive ways and had the urge to put things right.  
She wanted to try and fix Loki. And that is exactly what she began to explain to Odin.   
She spoke of how he had been wronged whilst growing up, always shunned and mocked for being different. She boldly proclaimed that she felt Loki was unwell in the mind and that this all stemmed from his persecution during his younger years.

Thor and Balder were aghast. They argued that no harm had ever been intended and that if Loki was of such a sensitive nature then it was not their fault but his own.   
Odin and Frigga sat silently listening to the debate that raged on before them.

"And what is this new found love for Loki all of a sudden?"   
Thor demanded, rendering Sif temporarily speechless. 

"I do not..."  
She faltered,  
".....It is not about me, this is about him Thor!"

Thor rolled his eyes impatiently,   
"It is always about him and his mischief. Ever since I can remember Loki has courted chaos!"

"That is because nothing was ever about him, don't you see? He was always overlooked, ignored and that has caused him to lose his way."

Balder folded his arms, showing his impatience also,   
"So he is no more than a spoiled child seeking attention!" 

Sif sighed heavily,   
"He was just a child at the time Balder!"  
She turned back to Thor,  
"And as for him 'courting' chaos, have you ever wondered why that is all he has ever courted?"

"What do you mean by that?"  
Balder asked, looking blank.

In her passion Sif forgot herself and did not engage her mind before her mouth,   
"He has never courted a woman to my knowledge, that is because he cannot open his heart. He does not know how to. I believe he has difficulty placing trust in anyone because he has never known such love. If he did I believe he would be a better person for it...;"  
She paused only for breath before adding,  
"....if he is punished by banishment it will instil more resentment into him as well as loneliness. So he will wreak further havoc elsewhere and probably end up getting himself killed."

The room fell silent, suddenly making her painfully aware of her ranting.   
After an agonizing silence Odin finally spoke,  
"You appear to strongly believe in your theory mistress Sif. Tell me, what do you propose is the solution?"

Sif fidgeted nervously, she knew she had forgotten her place. What was happening to her? If she attempted to save Loki her whole world could cave in around her. She would be shunned by fellow warriors and the nobles alike.   
All of those who were baying for Loki's blood, like the mob that had gathered outside earlier, would condemn her along with him for defending such a traitor.  
He was an enemy now of Asgard.....would her trying to plea for mercy on his behalf make her one too in their eyes?

"I..it is not my place to determine Loki's fate, my King.."   
She spoke quietly now,   
"...but I fear that keeping him imprisoned will merely cause his bitterness to fester, isolating him will only cause more harm."

Odin rose to his feet,   
"So, what do you suggest be done with him?"

For the first time Sif felt brave enough to look him dead in the eye,   
"I would allow him to remain here my King."

"In Asgard?"

"In the palace itself."

At that both Balder and Thor voiced their protests, but Odin silenced them with a gesture of his hand and an angry growl. 

Sif took a deep breath and continued,  
"If he were permitted to remain in residence here amongst familiar faces, although he may feel awkward for a while I believe it may help to regain his trust and in time hopefully this will cause the animosity within him to fade. He will be expecting a severe punishment....exile if not even death. So such a generous gesture would catch him off guard. Only when he feels safe and respected will his character be reformed. It will take effort on some parts.."  
She glanced pointedly at Thor and Balder,  
"..but I believe it is possible, and of course he will be reassured by the presence of his family. He has to adapt to allow himself to be loved, so that he can love in return."

Frigga was smiling gently at her now, and nodding in agreement.   
Odin turned to his Queen and a knowing look passed between them.   
"Well, I value your opinion on the matter Lady Sif, now you are excused so that we can reflect on what has been discussed. "

He turned his back on her. She bowed her head anyway, then hurriedly took her leave.

Her heart and head was pounding as she set off down the long hallway, not even sure of where she was going. She wasn't able to face seeing Fandral after the commotion she had caused earlier. And no doubt Volstagg and Hogun would have heard what went on by now also. So seeking company was not an option.   
On the other hand she could not face going back to her chambers either, she had no desire to be alone, pondering over her thoughts.

It was then she realised she hadn't eaten anything in almost 48 hours. Maybe that was why her head ached and stomach felt as if it was tied in knots. As a result she doubted she'd be able to eat, her insides were churning, making her feel nauseas.  
She glanced up at the tall windows; the early evening sunlight streaming through them caressed the decorative walls, making the palace look even more beautiful. 

Fresh air. That is what she needed. Though beautiful, it felt stuffy inside. She headed for the doorway, a long walk would be just what was needed to clear her head.


	5. Odin's Terms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sif is forced to face the consequences of having appealed to the Allfather on Loki's behalf. Her victory may backfire in numerous ways.

As Sif had predicted, her actions were frowned upon by every citizen in the realm, or so it seemed. Word of her speaking out in favour of the 'Father of Lies' as Loki had now been dubbed, spread through the kingdom like wild fire. She now feared that she was loathed almost as much as he himself was.

The gossip-mongers seemed to be thriving from her downfall, adding fuel to the fire by speculating on what had driven Asgard's only Lady warrior to turn against her fellow Aesir in such a way.  
"She has been bewitched by the wicked Loki!"   
That was one of the kinder rumours, as opposed to;   
"She is a witch herself and has been in league with him all along!"  
Unfortunately for her however, it was this latter view that was favoured by the majority.

Three days had passed since Sif's audience with Odin. She had heard no further news regarding Loki's fate. She longed to ask Thor but did not wish to anger him further.   
The situation had indeed created much unease within the house of Odin. Thor appeared to be avoiding her altogether, whereas Balder acted very cagey whenever in her presence. 

She began to question her sense of reason again, for surely Thor loved his brother unconditionally? As kin should. So how great an impact had Loki's actions had in order to drive Thor to all but disown him?

Thankfully she found some comfort from Hogun, though grim he was undeniably wise.   
"It is the mortal.."   
He claimed,  
"Thor feels deeply for her, and this is why he now loathes Loki so...He invaded her realm - the realm Thor had sworn an oath to protect."

Volstagg also treated Sif kindly, much to her relief. His light-hearted attitude helped cheer her and listening to his stories and banter kept her mind occupied. Fandral was as painfully honest and open as always,  
"I still cannot understand what you were thinking!"   
He mused, for what seemed like the hundredth time,  
"Loki..of all people!..How is it possible for you to feel compassion for one such as he?!" 

And for the hundredth time, Sif chose to ignore him. She could think of nothing to say in her own defence. How could she possibly begin to explain her actions to others, when she didn't even understand them herself?

Still, however awkward the atmosphere was within the palace....things were about to get worse.

*******************

That evening as everyone gathered in the banqueting hall, laughter rang out around the table as Volstagg animatedly retold one of his more infamous tales.  
Voices suddenly lowered to hushed tones. Sif looked up from the feast of sweet meats, bread and fruit that was piled high upon silver platters, suddenly aware of the silence that had descended.

She caught Hogun's eye, and sensed from his reaction that she ought to look behind her. He didn't have to speak a word, his expression said it all. Slowly she glanced over her shoulder and just as she had expected...there he was.  
Framed in the doorway, arms folded across his chest and his green eyes surveying the scene before him.

"Loki!"  
Frigga exclaimed from the head of the table. 

Odin sat silently at her side. She rose from her chair and gestured to the table,   
"Come join us my son...please eat."

The whispering around the table grew more frantic, Sif almost felt nervous for Loki...Which was bizarre, as she could not imagine he himself ever suffering with an attack of nerves. 

At last he spoke; his voice quiet and as articulate as always,  
"Thank you no, I am eager to return to my chambers and change my attire before sitting down to dine." 

Frigga nodded and smiled gently at him, the fondness in her eyes clear for everyone to see. It was very touching.  
And with that Loki excused himself and was gone. The chattering seemed to errupt instantly the moment he left the room. Sif noticed Hogun looking at her quizzically. 

"What is it Hogun?" 

"You are not eating?"   
He stated,  
"What ails you Lady Sif?" 

His gaze was too scrutinizing, but she managed to force a laugh  
"Why, Hogun you remind me of my mother..nothing ails me, I assure you."

Sif knew she was not convincing him, she was fighting hard to convince herself.

Once the meal was over she managed to slip quietly away. She did not feel like joining in with the drinking and singing. Her mood was low. Thor had seemed in high spirits, until Loki had made his brief appearance. After that he drank more deeply and laughed a lot less raucously. 

When Sif had approached him, his face darkened considerably.  
"I have no wish to quarrel with you Thor...but you cannot keep avoiding me either!" 

The Thunder God took a huge swig from his tankard then answered curtly,  
"In order for me not to quarrel with you Sif, I must continue to avoid you.." 

He rose to his feet rather unsteadily, somewhat worse for wear from drinking too much mead, then added,   
"..for now at least."

Now as she wandered along the decorative hallways; the candle light dancing shadows upon the walls as she passed by, a realisation suddenly occurred to her. If Loki was now free to roam the palace as he so wished, then clearly the Allfather must have taken her advice! This pleased her immensely, but her jubilation was soon replaced by yet another concern.  
Loki had claimed to be going to his chambers. Looking up at the heavy, oak panelled doors which were before her she was filled with confusion.  
Gripped by the urge to discover the meaning of her incoherent actions, she found herself hammering on the door. 

She was beginning to grow impatient as it seemed to be taking him an inexplicably long time to answer; when at last it swung upon.  
The sight of Loki with hair dripping wet and clad only in a robe caught her completely off guard and rendered her temporarily speechless. 

Loki however was not embarrassed, merely slightly put out by having been disturbed.   
"For a moment I suspected there to be an angry mob at my door, come to lynch me or throw me in the stocks!"  
He exclaimed, leaning idly against the door frame. 

"I, no..I just..it does not matter, I see I have interrupted you."   
She stammered awkwardly and made to leave but Loki spoke quickly;

"Well you have already interrupted me mistress...you may as well say what you wished to now you are here...otherwise I have been disturbed for nothing." 

He stood aside and held the door open and cautiously she stepped inside. It was the first time she had ever been inside his chambers. And what a curious sight to behold; everywhere the eyes fell upon something mysterious and magnificent.  
Shelves groaned under the weight of books. A large workbench in the corner was barely visible under the mountain of glass bottles of various colours, no doubt containing potions. Scrolls, ink pots, crystal balls and feathered quills. A number of different shaped crystals hung from the ceiling, highly decorative curtains hung from the canopy around the large ornate bed. Scented oil burned; emitting a trail of smoke, whilst the doors which led out on to the balcony were open. The transparent drapes were blowing slightly in the breeze, and the sun setting beyond them cast a warm glow across the room.

Her concentration returned swiftly as he proceeded to walk passed her towards the bathing area which was situated up four deep stairs. His bathing pool, much like her own, was set into the marble floor. She could not help but notice, though she desperately tried not to, the way in which the thin material of his robe clung to his wet form mercilessly; outlining each defined curve and muscle.

"Loki, I shall go in order to allow you your privacy." 

Apparently oblivious to Sif's embarrassment, he simply turned away from her and began to loosen the robe. She had to supress a gasp and lowered her eyes quickly as it fell to the floor. She scolded herself inwardly as she felt the heat rise in her face.  
It was not as if she had not seen a man naked before. So why was she quivering like a youngster who had never before set eyes on a male body? 

She could hear him splashing the water over himself now. Apprehensively, she looked over to where he now sat, thankfully his lower body immersed by the water.

"Well?"   
He asked, looking at her expectantly.

"I....I need to speak with you urgently."   
She managed with some effort, her throat and mouth felt incredibly dry.

Loki smirked openly at her,   
"Well obviously I had assumed so, otherwise why would you be here?"

Sif did not hide her exasperation, why did he have to make even the simplest of conversations difficult?   
"I seek answers for things I do not understand." 

Loki closed his eyes and laid back casually, allowing the warmth of the water to sooth his aching joints.   
"More answers? I have done all I can to help you already."

Sif could feel her agitation rising, he did not even have the courtesy to look at her whilst she addressed him.   
"Yes and whatever it is that you've done, I want to know why."

Loki's eyes snapped open,   
"Is it not obvious? I tried to help you to understand. To enable you to see what you may have previously missed."

"But what exactly have you done to me Loki?"   
She demanded,  
"I no longer feel as if I am in control of my own mind or body...Like I am here right now, it was not my intention to come here!"

Loki frowned, still smiling slightly...much to her irritation.  
"But you just said you have come seeking answers, yes? So is that not why you are here?"

"Well, yes but-"   
She paused briefly, painfully aware that what she was saying would not make sense to anyone who wasn't actually experiencing it themselves,  
"I did not set out to come here...it is only now that I find myself at your door that I have decided to speak with you, so that you might explain the reason for this."

Much to her dismay, even he looked at her as if she had lost her senses.   
"Why do you seem to think I am the cause?"

Sif narrowed her eyes at him,   
"Because you yourself admit to having tampered with my mind!"

He chuckled now, as if to himself,   
"My dear Lady, that was several days ago. Besides, my simple act of opening your mind would not lead you to be taking leave of your wits."

Sif stared at him in disbelief, resentment growing within her. Yet at the same time her eyes took in the way the light cast an almost celestial glow around him.   
He appeared completely oblivious to it, but a battle was raging within her. She wanted to be on her guard, to be angry at him. Yet at the same time she was finding it difficult to remain focused.

"Loki, I demand to know what it is you are doing?!"   
She kept her voice and expression as steady as she could. 

He laughed again,   
"Oh my, you are in a daze....it is plain for anyone to see that I am bathing."

Sif shot forward up the stairs,   
"Enough! I tire of these games sly one! You have bewitched me and I demand you release me from whatever poisonous spell you have weaved!"

Loki rested his elbows on the edge of the pool behind him, emphasising his smooth well-defined chest. His chin tilting upwardly at her in defiance.   
"I have not done any such thing and perhaps you should be aware of all the facts before you wrongly accuse me."

She folded her arms firmly across her chest,   
"What facts do you speak of?"

He appeared to be growing agitated now, he ran a hand through his wet hair. His expression turning fierce,   
"The great Allfather, in all his infinite wisdom has stripped me of my powers...he claims that my keeping them is not an option if I am to remain in the palace!"   
He brought his fist down angrily into the water,   
"I would rather be exiled than lose all of my magical abilities!"

Slowly Sif sank to her knees so she was at eye level with him. She could see the frustration he felt and could not help but pity him.   
"Loki, you do not mean that-"

"And how would you know?!"   
He interjected gruffly, eyes filled with contempt. 

At that, sh couldn't help but feel wounded. She had sacrificed so much for him. Alone, she had pleaded his case to Odin and faced ridicule from everyone for having done so.  
"Loki if you were to be banished it would only cause you greater harm, you are much safer here in the palace amongst your fellow Aesir."

"But I am not of the Aesir am I Sif? Do not deny that you aren't aware of my true parentage!"  
His voice was filled with hatred but she could also detect a hint of shame. 

She longed to reach out and touch him, but did not dare.   
"Whatever your father was, your mother was an Asgardian...do not reproach yourself. This was once your home and it is where you belong."

Loki did nothing to hide his irritation,   
"That is a pretty speech, tell me were they the words you used to persuade Odin to allow my return?"

At that Sif jumped to her feet, consumed by anger,   
"You do me wrong Loki. It was I alone that spoke out in your defence and in doing so I have brought shame upon my family. I am slighted and shunned by those who once respected me......and I did it for you!"

"And why have you done that? Tell me Sif, you're a warrior are you not? So since when did you become a missionary? What will you gain from committing yourself to such a lost cause?"

In all honesty Sif could not even begin to explain to Loki why she had done the things she had done. She was beginning to question her sanity.  
His green orbs bored into her, causing the new emotions she had begun feeling to stir inside. Such feelings were alien to her and uneasiness consumed her. 

"I do not gain anything....I merely.."   
She hesitated, not knowing what to say.   
Much to her annoyance she felt the heat returning to her cheeks, she could not allow him to see her so flustered.   
"It does not matter..I must go, I cannot speak to you..if you are to remain in there, I.."   
Her words trailed off, how could she admit that the sight of him here was just too distracting?

She turned and made her way back down the stairs, then just before she reached the door he called out after her;  
"You do not know what your actions have unleashed Lady Sif, not only has your discussion with Odin resulted in the loss of my power.."

Sif glared back at him over her shoulder,  
"It has enable you to remain here in comfort and safety. Not that you appreciate this right now, as you are too blinkered with mourning the loss of your sorcery!"

She proceeded to open the door, but what he said next caused her to halt in her tracks.   
"I have not done yet! That is not all! Now, because of your interference the Allfather has declared I am to be married!"

The shock rendered Sif completely speechless and suddenly it felt as if a lead weight had been deposited into the pit of her stomach.   
She stared at him, registering the deadly serious look upon his face; proving his sincerity.   
In a lowered, almost sombre tone, he continued,   
"Apparently becoming a husband will relieve me of all my troubles...he has already begun searching for an appropriate spouse for his troublesome son. I have you to thank for that."

Feeling her chest tighten, she did no other than flee from the room, unable to look back and even neglected to close the door in her haste.


	6. The Announcement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Attempting to come to terms with Loki's revelations, and her apparent growing feelings for him, an unexpected arrival in Asgard leaves her reeling in shock.

"I alone know, as I think I do know, your love beside Thor..  
   .....and that was the wicked Loki."  
                            ~ Loki to Sif  
       ('Lokasenna' The Poetic Edda)

********************

Sif barely slept that night. Try as she might her thoughts would not allow her any peace. Many things were troubling her and much to her dismay, Loki was at the main cause.  
Why had she reacted in such a way at his announcement of Odin's plans to find him a bride? Surely she should be honoured by how the Allfather had taken her advice about Loki needing to be loved. And even though Loki had seemed none to happy at the prospect, maybe a spouse would be able to tame the fallen Prince's wild heart.

Images flashed back into her mind's eye, of him languishing in the pool and the way the light had reflected upon his wet skin...   
...she shivered, not wanting to dwell on the meaning of these strange new feelings and thoughts that were awakening within. Nothing made sense to her anymore. And the realisation that he no longer possessed any powers, had come as a blow too. If Loki was not causing these thoughts and feelings by using magic, then what was?

 

Over the next few days that followed, Sif fought hard to ignore the worries that were gnawing away at her. She put on a front whilst in the company of others, throwing herself into her training as a way to distract her and keep her mind occupied. It did not help matters that the palace was buzzing with gossip about Loki, from idle chatter concerning his return, to questioning the rumours they'd heard regarding his betrothal to a mystery woman.

Thankfully, and much to her relief, Loki himself seemed to be keeping a low profile. She hadn't seen him since her impromptu visit to his chambers and she found herself constantly on edge. Yet at the same time, she knew the sinking feeling in her stomach was disappointment, whenever someone entered the room and it wasn't the trickster God.  
Thor had also been absent, and the word was he had returned to Earth in order to visit his mortal lover. Sif hoped that this may lighten his mood, and found herself pondering on the bizarreness of the situation. Years ago she would have been jealous of the attention Thor lavished upon this Midgardian, yet now she found herself genuinely hoping that the Thunderer might commit himself finally to one woman alone.

She herself, though having been his lover for a very brief period, had not been enough for Thor. Neither had the beautiful Freya, who ironically had since chosen to bestow her affections on Balder, who bore quite a striking resemblance to the God of Thunder. 

Was it possible that a mere mortal could be enough to curb Thor's lustful, fickle nature? Only time would tell.   
Odin obviously approved, for it was he who used his mighty powers to enable Thor to leave, now that the Bifrost was shattered.

Early one morning Sif was sparring with Volstagg in the arena, as Hogun looked on, when Fandral came hurrying over.

"Friends, such news!"   
He declared, somewhat breathlessly,  
"Thor is to return this night and the Allfather has announced a ball is to be held!"

Volstagg frowned disapprovingly,   
"A ball? What is wrong with a banquet? I would much rather attend a feast than a ball any day!"

Sif and Fandral laughed, even Hogun managed a smile. It was typical of Volstagg to be concerned only about his stomach as usual.

"Admittedly though, it is rather short notice for a ball, usually they are announced months in advance and for special occasions only."   
Sif pondered aloud.

"Do not fret Lady Sif.."   
Volstagg joked,   
"...I am sure you will be able to decide what to wear in time, though it may be quite a challenge."

Sif gave a wry smile, choosing to ignore his teasing. They all knew only too well that she never dithered over such trifling matters, unlike most other women. 

Enthused, Fandral continued,   
"Well rumours are rife within the palace that this is due to a special occasion...there is talk of Thor's mortal wench returning with him!"

For the first time in a week, Sif found herself smiling genuinely, Fandral's excitement was contagious. Volstagg also admitted to looking forward to meeting the human again, under more relaxed circumstances this time. So the four companions parted company in high spirits that afternoon.

*******************

Much to the annoyance of Sif, for the first time since she were a young girl she found herself struggling to decide upon what to wear. Cursing Volstagg for seemingly jinxing her, after discarding several different gowns, she eventually settled on a midnight blue one, that was made of the softest material.   
Sitting down at her dressing table, she began entwining small diamonds of the same colour into her hair. It was a lengthy task which took a great deal of patience, but the effect once completed was stunning.   
The whole process was not typical of Sif; usually she never took this long to dress, nor did she tend to spend so long on her hair. She was not sure why she had gone to such great lengths, but surveying the result of her efforts now in the long mirror, she was pleased to see it had been worth it.

Her appearance did not go unnoticed that evening and caused quite a stir amongst the Aesir. She paid no attention to their appreciative glances, never having considered herself a great beauty, though most would strongly disagree with her.

The great hall was filled with the sound of music and laughter. All of Asgard's elite were gathered. Nobles, chieftains and Gods alike, mingled, danced and chattered.   
Goddesses twirled around smiling, their decorative gowns glittering in the candle light, causing a swirl of colour which captivated the eye.   
Both Fandral and Volstagg had been standing with Sif, but now Fandral was engaged in a dance, and Volstagg had gone in search of food.

Thoughts lost in the scene before her, she never noticed Loki approaching from behind. She never had been able to detect his presence; his ability to sneak up on people was baffling but admirable. It was only when he spoke finally, was she aware he was standing so close. And looking devastatingly handsome in his ceremonial armour.

"Why Sif, you look ravishing...."   
He crooned,  
"....and you are not dancing? Tell me, why stand admiring when you could be participating?"

His tone did not sound mocking, but still Sif was slightly irritated that he had undoubtedly seen the affect his sudden appearance had. She physically jerked, heart instantly hammering at the sight of him. 

He smiled seductively, registering her surprise,   
"My apologies for startling you....but I couldn't help noticing that you are in want of a partner."

Sif narrowed her eyes, immediately wary of the sly one. How long had he been watching her?  
"Your stealth hasn't waned any I see.."   
She quipped, in an attempt to display a nonchalant attitude. 

She was still embarrassed by the memory of her actions the last time she had been in Loki's company. Remembering the way she had fled from his chamber still made her face flush. He must have thought she'd lost her wits.   
"....as for lacking a partner, I merely choose not to dance."   
She added truthfully.

Before she could register what was happening, he had swiftly taken hold of her hand and began leading her towards the other dancing couples.   
"Well surely you shall not refuse to stand up with a prince of the realm?" 

He spun her around then snaked his arm around her waist, pulling her in towards him.   
Sif could not quite comprehend why she did not bother to put up any resistance, it was as if she knew within her heart of hearts it was futile.  
She reluctantly rested a hand upon his metal-clad shoulder, cautiously placed her other hand in his, and allowed him to begin moving her around the floor. She could smell the leather of his armour, and combined with his own sweet musky sent, it was intoxicating.

Angry at herself for even noticing, and the way his recent battle scars added a ruggedness to his already attractive features, she attempted to be angry with him.   
"It appears the disgraced Prince is in need of a partner, therefore I shall not refuse on this occasion."

For a moment Loki's face appeared to darken, but then he smiled wickedly,   
"You wound me Sif.....fallen Prince I may be, but I am still to be your brother-in-law some day..."  
He locked eyes with her momentarily and added pointedly,   
"....So you would not deny me the pleasure of dancing with you surely, sister?"

Inexplicably Sif felt as though an icy chill swept over her at those words. Instinctively she tried to pull away from him but he merely pulled her closer; gripping her hand tighter he entwined his long fingers through her's, adding to her irritation due to the intimacy of the gesture. 

"Why say such things Loki?"   
She hissed, trying to keep her voice low so as not to be overheard by the other couples,

"I am merely stating a fact my dear Lady...every one knows you belong to the mighty Odinson...."  
He glanced around the hall briefly, taking in the disapproving faces around them,   
"....so you need not fret further over your reputation. No one will think ill of you for partnering me in a dance, we're practically family after all!"

Sif sighed in exasperation,  
"Every one also knows that Thor has returned to Asgard with his mortal woman. For Odin to permit that then surely he does not still expect Thor and I to marry!"

Loki halted abruptly now, but continued to hold her,   
"What makes you believe that Thor has returned with the mortal? Do you honestly see Odin allowing a human into the eternal realm?"

Oblivious to the curious stares they were attracting, Sif argued defiantly,  
"He must have allowed her to enter Asgard, otherwise what would be the purpose of this whole event? Is it not in honour of the woman and Thor's return?"

"I'm afraid your foolish companions listen to too much gossip Sif. Thor did not go away to visit his mortal wench. He went in search of a possible bride for me. Though I highly doubt there was a line forming of potential suitors, so he won't have succeeded-"

"W-what?!"

Loki made to speak again but was silenced by the sudden blast of trumpets; the fanfare which announced the arrival of the Allfather.   
The music ceased, and all of those who had been dancing now moved aside in order for the King and Queen to make their way to the far end of the hall where the thrones sat.   
With bowed heads, the gathered Aesir applauded as Odin swept by grandly, with the ever demure looking Frigga on his arm.  
It was then that Sif noticed Thor trailing behind them, at his side a petite woman dressed in a pale pink gown, with matching veil covering her head.   
Sif's  heart was in her mouth. Surely Loki was mistaken. He was taunting her. His words  could not be trusted. Maybe this was Jane returning with Thor. Wasn't it?

Sif noted Thor's smiling face, the attention from the crowd pleasing him as always, but he did not appear tentative towards the mystery woman by his side as the four reached the end of the hall, and Odin addressed his subjects,  
"On this day, I Odin, Allfather of the nine realms welcome you all here to bear witness to a most joyous event!"  
He reached out and took the lady's hand in his own,   
"It is with great pleasure and honour that I introduce to you.."  
He paused whilst she reached up and carefully removed her veil. The crowd gasped and Sif was taken aback at the sight of a pretty young woman. That most definitely was not Jane. Her heart sank like a stone.

"..the Lady Sigyn of Vanaheim!"   
Odin continued.

Every one applauded and Sif could hear those around her muttering amongst themselves about how beautiful the maiden was. The Allfather raised his spear to silence the hall once more,  
"The Lady Sigyn has left behind her realm and fellow Vanir in order to join us here in Asgard. From this day forth all shall embrace her as one of our own.."

A gentle smile spread across Sigyn's delicate features, her large blue eyes shone like her long, chestnut brown hair. Odin turned to her and went on,  
"...as a member of the Aesir, you shall bear responsibility.....I proclaim you Sigyn, Goddess of Fidelity.."

He now turned in the direction of where Sif was standing with Loki still at her side.  
His good eye fell upon his adopted son and Sif watched with growing apprehension as the Allfather gestured for him to join them on the dais.

Slowly and cautiously Loki made his way towards him. Once he reached his side, Odin delivered the blow that floored Sif completely...  
"..And the intended bride of our Prince Loki."

The room erupted in applause once again, but the shock and uncertainty was clearly visible on the younger prince's face. Indeed many who were gathered there were equally as shocked and uncertain. They obviously did not envy the Lady Sigyn's plight. Having such an unruly and volatile husband would no doubt be a mighty burden for anyone to bear.  
The malicious gossiping already filled Sif's ears,  
"Has the Allfather lost his wits? How can one so young be expected to cope with the wicked Loki?"   
"Would none of the Aesir be willing to marry the sly one, is that why a bride has been brought from another realm?"

It suddenly felt very hot and crowded in the large hall. Sif found herself struggling to catch her breath and her chest tightened as if in panic. Hurriedly she stumbled towards the doors that opened out onto the palace gardens. 

She desperately needed air.


	7. History Repeating Itself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Desperately trying to come to terms with the news, and make sense of why it affected her so badly, Sif steps out to clear her head. But a confrontation with Loki heightens tensions between them further.

It was a beautiful night, the moon was full; bathing the lawn in its pale lunar glow. It was warm and the air was filled with the scent of jasmine. The slight breeze cooled Sif's burning face. Blocking out the sounds from the great hall which rang out into the night air, shattering the silence of the gardens, she began to stroll along the path.

Her heart felt heavy and it troubled her to know that the cause lay with Loki's betrothal. She had forced it to the back of her mind but now it had become much more real. His intended bride was here now at the palace. How long would it be until the marriage actually took place?  
"They are strangers, how can they be expected to marry?!"   
She muttered to herself under her breath, her hands clenching into fists at the over bearing frustration that consumed her.

Just then she got the distinct feeling that she was not alone. As though someone was watching her. Self consciously, she turned slowly. There was no one behind her. Glancing back towards the palace her gaze fell upon the dark figure which loomed on the steps beyond the lawn, half hidden in the shadows.  
The slight glint of gold metal in the moonlight, enabled Sif to make out the shape of a horned helmet.  
Loki.

Conflicting emotions rose up yet again within her. Was he following her? If so, why?. She did not trust him, he had not earned the nicknames 'sly one' and 'trickster' for nothing...though at the same time she felt slightly proud of the way she had sensed his proximity this time.  
She summoned the strength to turn away, desperately trying to ignore the quickening of her pulse. She would not give him the satisfaction of having him think that she was ruffled by his presence. She could barely resist the urge to glance back, as she slowly continued down the pathway. She realised at that moment she was heading in the direction of the orchard.  
From the corner of her eye she caught sight of him heading in her direction. 

She reached the trees, their luscious branches forming a canopy above her, that blocked out the light. Despite his impending presence, the sudden sound of his smooth voice in the darkness startled her nonetheless. 

"What troubles you, warrior princess?"  
His tall, familiar form appeared from behind a nearby tree. 

Sif could not bite back a small laugh,   
"Warrior yes...princess I am not!" 

As an attempt to appear relaxed, she leant back against a tree. Loki wandered closer, smiling wolfishly at her,   
"Not yet maybe, but in time.."   
His words trailed off.

"What is it you want from me Loki?"   
She asked somewhat abruptly,   
"If you mean to torment me further-"

A sharp burst of laughter from him silenced her mid-sentence. She stared at him incredulously, he registered her expression and ceased laughing.   
"Torment?...How little you know of what torment truly is..."He looked at her face intensely, she shifted slightly under the gaze of his green orbs,  
"....but I merely asked you a simple question..which you have not yet answered."

Swallowing hard Sif lowered her head and stared down at the ground. The air in the space between them seemed to have thickened somehow. The now familiar feeling of unease swept over her once again.  
"I, I am fine..nothing troubles me. You are mistaken Loki."

Doing nothing to hide his scepticism, he raised a pointed eyebrow,   
"Am I?"

In a desperate bid to divert his attention, Sif forced a smile and shot back at him,  
"What troubles you, shape-shifter?"

"Ahh, now..shape-shifter I am not.."   
He pointed out,   
"..at least, not any longer."   
He added sadly, a melancholy expression on his handsome face. 

Much to her relief though, he smiled when she retorted;   
"Not yet....but maybe in time."

Their eyes met and this time she allowed herself to hold his gaze. And there it was again, the deafening sound of her own heart beating so loud in her ears. She felt sure he must be able to hear it also.   
Powerless or not, Sif could not deny she sensed something like an invisible force pulling her towards him. But magic was not responsible, he was no longer capable of casting hexes and spells.

She cleared her throat, which had become very dry all of a sudden and broke the charged silence,  
"You have not yet answered my question..What is troubling you Loki?"

But Loki shook his head, mischief dancing in his eyes, she knew then even before he spoke there was no point hoping for an honest answer.  
"I am not troubled my Lady...why should I be?"

Sif frowned, admittedly confused,   
"Well, the Allfather has just declared your betrothal, which now makes it official...does this not grieve you? You seemed none to happy of the prospect of marriage initially."

Loki looked thoughtful, as though considering what to say. After a long pause he surprised her by merely shrugging his shoulders.

"That is it?..You have nothing to say on the matter?!..."   
She felt her temper begin to rise, he really was the most complicated individual she had ever known. That is if she actually knew him at all.   
"How can you be so calm? You are to be married off to a stranger, previously the notion horrified you so what has caused this sudden change of heart?"

Loki was frowning at her now,   
"I never actually said that I found the notion horrifying.....it appears that you are more opposed to the betrothal than I."

"If that seems so then why do you remain so impassive? If you speak with the Allfather then-"

Loki came closer towards her, causing her to fall silent.

"May I remind you Lady Sif, that it was your discussion with Odin that spawned the notion in the first place! I have no choice other than to be cooperative, but do not mistake my obedience for apathy."  
He turned his back towards her and muttered,   
"The alliance may not be all that terrible, she is after all, fair of face....and form"

Sif clenched her fist so tightly, she felt sure her nails had drawn blood. His words stung as though she had been slapped hard in the face. Why this was so, she could not and did not even want to comprehend. She bit hard on her bottom lip in order to stop it from quivering. Whether it was trembling from upset or anger was another mystery to her.   
"So, you desire her?"   
she stated rather than asked, trying her upmost to steady her voice.

Loki, who still faced away from her did not answer, just chuckled to himself. She sighed heavily,   
"I am glad you find it amusing. Please yourself, I am done with you!"

With that she began to walk away, when with lightning speed she found herself pushed back against the trunk of the tree, his hands either side of her gripped her arms, pinning her. Whilst simultaneously htrapping her with his body. In shock, she let out a shriek in protest, which caused him to loosen his grip slightly,   
"Just what is my impending marriage to you?"   
He snarled, his jaw set so tight it looked as if his face might actually crack.

"Nothing.....it is nothing!"   
she gasped breathlessly.

A spark of recognition flashed over his tense face,   
"Nothing, again?....It is always nothing according to you, where I'm concerned!"

"That is not true! I have made sacrifices for you-"   
She faltered as his face came closer, the coolness of his breath on her face made her shiver.

"So, why the sacrifices then Sif?"   
His voice dropped to nothing more than a whisper, a stark contrast to the tone he'd used a mere moment ago,   
"If it means nothing to you?"

He reached up and gently stroked her cheek with the tip of his thumb, his touch seemed to cause an electrifying effect and ignited strange sensations within her. Sweeping over her like a giant wave.  
Then as if reality hit, she abruptly pushed his hand away.   
"Do not touch me Loki!"   
She snapped, flinching when he made to touch her again,   
"I stand by what I said, I am done with you...I do not want you near me!"

Blinking in shock, Loki recoiled from her like a wounded viper.   
She felt an instant pang of regret as she registered the hurt clearly visible in his face and eyes.  
The truth was Sif felt vulnerable now and it was not a feeling she was accustomed to.   
These new emotions that Loki had somehow stirred up, confused and scared her in equal measures. She was used to being in control of her feelings and actions.

He made her feel powerless. Completely exposed, yet he was always guarded, never allowing his barriers down. She could not allow herself to trust him, she felt certain Loki viewed everything as a game. She wasn't prepared to become a pawn and get hurt or humiliated further.

At last Loki spoke, his voice cutting through the tense atmosphere that now enveloped them,  
"Do not flatter yourself Lady..."  
He sneered openly at her, any tenderness previously visible had dissapeared without a trace,   
"..you and I, we were done long ago!"

The venom dripping in his voice momentarily struck her with fear, but this feeling was then engullfed by something else. Disappointment.   
Fearing any further display of her emotions would make her look a complete fool, she squared her shoulders and hurriedly left the way she had came.

So once again she found herself leaving the younger prince by himself in the gardens. History had a strange way of repeating itself. 

Desperate to keep the remains of her dignity in tact, she would not allow herself to look back. Her pride would not permit it. She could feel tears pricking at her eyes, threatening to fall at any moment.


	8. Heimdall's Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gossip is rife amongst the Aesir in relation to Loki and his betrothed, and due to the impact of recent events, Heimdall summons Sif in order to discuss her recent change in behaviour and forces her to acknowledge her self denial.

Looking down at the waves crashing below the rainbow bridge, Sif made her way to the lone figure which stood statue-like at the now ragged end of the shattered Bifrost.  
Heimdall, gatekeeper of the nine realms and guardian of Asgard, had requested..or rather commanded her presence.

As she approached she proffered a smile, but it was not returned. This did not faze her, as his surly attitude was well known throughout Asgard, rivalling only that of Hogun the grim.  
"You wish to speak with me Heimdall?"

There was a pause before he acknowledged her, his amber eyes studying her face closely.   
"You are deeply troubled Lady Sif.."   
His deep voice rumbled, it was not a question, he spoke as though stating a fact.

Sif hesitated, wondering how to respond. There was no way of lying to him, his powers of perception were as great as the Allfather's himself.  
"I have been experiencing some difficulty sleeping, though I'm sure it will pass."   
She answered as breezily as she could.

"And in your waking hours, you are troubled also...do not deny it, for it is the truth. You have also lost weight, you are not eating as you should"

Sif shifted nervously, the realisation that Heimdall may have seen many other things struck her with a feeling of dread.

"Would you deny, that your restlessness coincides with the return of the silver tongued one?"  
He rumbled, his expression darkening further still.

Sif swallowed hard, painfully aware of the hot flush that swept across her face. She was also struck by the strange, fluttering sensation within her chest that was suddenly present just by the mentioning of the troubled younger prince.  
She tried her hardest to look impassive, but Heimdall could not only sense her tension...he knew all.

"I, well.."   
She struggled to find a non-committal response,   
"I'm sure the return of Loki has caused many to be restless."  
She managed eventually. 

"That is true.."   
He said, eyeing her steadily,   
"....but no other has been as greatly unsettled. What grieves you so?"

She attempted to shrug off the suggestion that it did cause her any such grief, but the gatekeeper was not to be fooled, raising his voice slightly he challenged her,   
"Is it not so that upon having learnt of the sly one's arrival, you intentionally sought him out, thus disobeying our king's strictest command? You further incriminated yourself by conversing with him alone in a private concealed cell, and since then you have been unable to put him from your mind. Do you deny this?"

Flinching physically at hearing the words spoken aloud, Sif tried to speak but he continued, voice growing sterner,  
"And if you are honest you will also admit that the arrival of the Goddess Sigyn has caused you further anxiety-"

"She is of the Vanir, which makes her no Goddess of Asgard!"  
The words slipped from her lips as though spoken by someone else. She instantly realised how her words had implicated her.

Heimdall stared at her in shock, shaking his head slowly now, displaying his blatant disapproval,   
"It is clear by the blatant lack of respect you portray, that you feel contempt for her...and this, I am to believe is due to your new found feelings for the giant's offspring!"

That only made Sif's cheeks flame hotter still, partly due to the guilt and shame that overwhelmed her, but also she couldn't help but feel anger at hearing Loki labelled as such a thing.  
"My Lord.."   
She croaked, eyes fixed on the curved arc of the bridge, desperately avoiding contact with his own,   
"....I meant no disrespect and might I add in my defence that it was I myself who gave Odin the notion to find Loki a bride."

Heimdall shifted slightly, which drew her eyes back to him momentarily,   
"But that was not your intention...do not attempt to deceive me. It is perhaps time you ceased attempting to deceive yourself.."  
Regarding her with what Sif believed to be a look of disgust he added darkly,   
"You desire him!"

"No, that is not so..."   
She spluttered in protest,   
"....all I did was take pity on him."

"And why is that? Because you believe you can be his saviour?"

"I believed I could help him, yes. Perhaps I felt that if he were shown compassion and-"

"Love?"   
He cut in again, eyes now blazing with a fury that she had never seen directed at herself,   
"You know so little of what you speak, Loki has had lovers."

"What!?"  
It was now Sif who interrupted him, the shock of his proclamation clear in her voice and expression,   
"Who? It has never been known-"

"Amora."   
Heimdall growled, clearly irritated by Sif's reaction.

Sif swallowed hard, as the news that Loki had in fact once been a lover of the wicked enchantress sunk in. Stinging as it did so. She suddenly felt agitated with herself for being so naïve as to believe that Loki was perhaps some kind of virginal prince. Besides why should it even bother her so?  
She briefly found herself picturing Amora in her mind's eye, with her billowing yellow hair and willowy figure... shameless seductress!

Her hands balled into fists, then she was jolted back to reality by Heimdall's booming voice,  
"Amora may not have won Loki's heart, as neither did her sister Lorelei or Angrboda....yet the Allfather has faith in Sigyn to succeed where others have failed."  
He peered down towards the ocean below, though no doubt seeing far beyond it and added pointedly,   
"However that is assuming the dark prince has a heart to be won. If he does, it will be as black as the deeds he has done."

Somehow Sif managed to bite her tongue and suppressed the urge to ask who in the nine realms was this Angrboda? But she wisely kept silent, not wanting to anger Heimdall any more than he already was. She knew of Lorelei, and this piece of information also made her stomach turn. Loki had bedded both sisters, and yet found love with neither.

"You believe Loki is capable of love, that his heart is like that of yours and mine..you are naïve."   
He was saying now,   
"Love, magic and lies....that is a most dangerous combination. He is a living, breathing personification of chaos. You are a goddess of war. The two elements must not become entangled. I advise you to give up your dreams of being the salvation of the sly one, it will end in disaster.."  
He approached her slowly, a most serious expression on his weather-worn features,   
"....if you continue to harbour such poisonous ambitions, it will be your undoing."

"I do not harbour anything by choice!"   
Sif stated, panic rising in her chest,   
"I cannot be blamed for the feelings that have arisen in me. I have struggled with my conscience and my mind is fully aware of the implications....but my heart is not to be controlled.."  
She hesitated slightly before adding,  
"I do not understand what has caused these changes."

Heimdall, head tilted to one side in a quizzical fashion, raised an eyebrow,  
"You speak as though you have never experienced such feelings before."

Sif sighed, her head ached from the constant questioning, most of which was done by herself. She could not stop churning it over and over in her mind...and her stomach churned along with her thoughts.  
"I....I am not entirely sure..I mean, I have..well, there was..Thor."  
She muttered, struggling to find the right words,   
"I loved Thor, I still do but not as I once did. I have experienced similar emotions.."

"You no longer love Thor.."   
Heimdall broke in, shattering her thoughts,   
"..But what if you never did truly love him? It may have been no more than brief, childish infatuation, a phase that was spawned from familiarity and admiration."

Sif narrowed her eyes,   
"Are you surmising this Heimdall, because you speak as though you know this to be fact?"

Heimdall held her gaze steadily, his expression unreadable,   
"I speak of what I see, you should know the truth as it is within you."

Sif sighed yet again, exasperation rising in her,   
"You said I was speaking as though I had never felt such feelings before.....was that a question or an accusation?"

"I was not referring to your feelings for Thor."  
He answered flatly.

Sif's eyes widened, taken aback by his statement,  
"What, what are you implying?"

"I imply nothing, but surely you cannot dismiss the fact that you once developed similar feelings before......for Loki."  
His words felt heavy, like a weight being dropped upon her. Crushing her with the density of their meaning.

"You mean, when we were young?"   
She finally dared enquire after a long pause.

The guardian nodded.

"It was so long ago though.."   
She continued shakily,   
"...I never actually felt anything for him, it was Thor I cared for. How could I have feelings for Loki without even realising?"

"Perhaps you did realise but simply chose to ignore it because you knew how incredulous it seemed and would have been inappropriate to act upon those emotions."

He spoke so knowingly, Sif temporarily forgot her embarrassment and threw all caution aside,  
"If that is so Heimdall, then why have these feelings returned? Why now?"  
She demanded.  
Inside, her heart was pleading to know the answers, longing for a solution. Something to relieve her current state of confusion and torment.

For a moment Heimdall paused, as if considering his next words carefully.   
"Perhaps the trickster has enchanted you.."

She shook her head frantically,   
"No, no that cannot be....he does not possess the power to do that."

Heimdall leant forwards, folding his forearms across the wide handle of his sword,   
"You are not to know that for certain, Loki is a talented liar. He could have placed you under his spell at any time prior to the Allfather removing his magical abilities."

Sif was unsure of what to think. Although the idea of Loki having lied to her so blatantly stung, she found this theory more comforting than another possible explanation...the one that she could not bring herself to comprehend, let alone ever accept. She refused to believe that she was capable of having fallen in love with Loki.  
The notion filled her with fear and dread. She expelled the thought from her mind quickly, it was not feasibly possible.

She took a deep breath,   
"What am I to do?"  
She noticed that Heimdall's features appeared to soften slightly, as if he was now taking pity on her.

"You must do as you did once before, force all thoughts of him from your mind. Avoid him whenever it is possible to do so and do not allow yourself to dwell upon the emotions that contaminate you."

Nodding weakly, Sif muttered her thanks and headed back across the bridge towards the palace.  
As the wind swept across the vast open landscape, whipping her hair, she felt a dampness forming around her eyes. Defiantly she told herself it was due to the harshness of the cold, ocean wind.

She wouldn't permit herself to cry. Not again. She scorned herself for becoming so weak and feeble. Never before had she been such a slave to her emotions.  
She had succeeded in avoiding Loki since their heated exchange in the orchard a few nights ago. The thought of seeing him again filled her with dread...a feeling that was becoming very familiar to her.

The humiliation would be excruciating, yet in spite of that, much to her annoyance she found herself almost longing to be near him again.  
To see him from a distance was not enough. Yesterday she had caught a glimpse of him from the gallery windows, riding his horse around the courtyard. He was to all intents and purposes, under house arrest; restricted to the palace and its surrounding grounds.  
Yet he appeared to be taking this considerably well, Sif had noticed.   
He almost seemed content galloping across the cobbles, dressed casually in a black shirt, his inky mane tousling in the breeze.

She recalled the way her breath had caught in her throat at the sight.  
Then her thoughts wandered to the gossiping she'd heard around the palace. Within mere days of Sigyn's arrival the whole palace was abuzz with rumours involving her and the fallen prince....

"The word is, he's rather taken with her actually.."  
Fandral had announced only that morning,  
"....the poor girl must be blissfully unaware of the impending horrors she'll have to endure being the wife of Laufey's son!"

"I think she's a poor choice for him.."  
Volstagg had commented, much to Sif's pleasure,  
"..she seems so meek and mild....they are exact opposites!"

"Yes, but that is the perfect choice for Loki!"   
Fandral had argued,  
"She'll have to be subservient to him, a strong willed wench would never do..they would clash terribly!"

Elsewhere, word had reached Sif that Sigyn was completely enamoured of Loki.  
Though the pair had not even been sighted in each other's company since their introduction, she had also reportedly taken to referring to him as  
"My Lopt"  
The notion both amused and sickened Sif in equal amounts. She could not imagine Loki finding twee pet names amusing.  
Yet the brazen familiarity Sigyn displayed irritated her greatly. Lopt was another version of his name that he'd been known as on Midgard centuries ago. How could she speak so of Loki, having only just met him?

And the "My" ...the "My" Sif did not like at all.  
Who was Sigyn of Vanaheim, after all to suddenly stake her claim on a prince of Asgard and act as if she'd known him forever!

She desperately tried to put all such thoughts from her mind now. She had to. For her own safety and sanity's sake, she must take Heimdall's advice and stop dwelling on all thoughts and feelings that were related to Loki.

However, that was far easier said than done.


	9. The Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sif unwisely seeks solace in drink in order to temporarily drown her sorrows, but with her judgement impaired she ends up growing more frustrated and seeks to vent her anger on the one responsible for her emotional state. However she soon finds her tongue running away with itself......in more ways than one!

As hard as she tried to dispel all thoughts of him, Sif found the night most difficult of all.   
She, like anyone else, had no control over her dreams and much to her dismay, Loki was an ever present force in them. His face continued to haunt her, sometimes oppressive with his lips curled in a malicious, menacing sneer and at other times appearing more heavenly than her heart could bear.

She dreamed of him in the orchard, his pale face bathed in the starlight. Then of him on horseback, looking regal and handsome... But the most disturbing of all, was of him in the water, almost statuesque with his wet hair and the water glistening on his exposed flesh in the firelight.   
She often woke with a start, beads of sweat forming on her brow, and heart thudding heavily in her chest.

During her waking hours, she tried her hardest to remain focused on other things.   
She spent hours at the training grounds, focusing intently on sparring. Her companions, though glad to see her returning to her usual activities, were aware of an underlying silent force which seemed to be distracting her.  
Hogun particularly, who although sullen was undeniably wise and perceptive, was mindful not to mention Loki or his intended bride. Whenever it came up in conversation, he carefully and quickly steered the subject in a different direction.

It helped, Sif found, knowing that Loki had lied to her about whatever spell he must have cast upon her.   
Like years ago, after the hair-cutting incident, she was filled with indignation, which made her resentful of him.

Then something else happened, which caused her to completely lose what little control of her emotions she had left. Loki began making appearances in public with Sigyn.  
The first time, was during an evening banquet. Thor, Balder and the warriors three had returned from a long day's hunting and the residents of the palace were feasting in the great hall. Everyone was in high spirits and Frigga was present although Odin was not, which was not unusual as he often preferred the solace of his throne room.

Sif was laughing heartily at Volstagg and Balder's bantering.   
Loki's continued absence had lulled her into a false sense of security. She'd finally been able to relax and almost fool herself into thinking that things were returning to their normal order. Then all at once; he was there...   
She caught sight of the unmistakable horns first, then the swirl of green and gold. For a moment she felt sure her heart actually stopped, then her stomach dropped as she noticed the petite, willowy figure in the doorway behind him.  
Frigga made a tremendous fuss; standing to greet her adoptive son. He kissed her tenderly on the cheek, then turned and gestured for Sigyn to join him. 

Sif watched with her insides churning, as the pretty Goddess sashayed over, her loose chestnut curls framing her neat features.   
Frigga smiled and embraced her warmly as she had Loki, then the three of them sat and began talking as though Sigyn had been a part of the family since the dawn of time.

Try as she might, Sif could not tear her eyes away from the pair. Her mind whirled with the suspicion that perhaps behind closed doors, Loki had been spending a great deal of time with the Vanaheim beauty. Though she found herself hoping she was merely imagining it, she reasoned with herself.  
Yet as she looked on, it was clear for all present to see their familiarity. The affectionate looks that passed between them, the closeness of their proximity and the way they whispered into each other's ears and laughed intimately.

Although trying to ignore the display and attempting to divert her attention, her eyes kept sliding across in their direction. Distractedly pushing the food around her plate, because although delicious, it had suddenly lost all taste to her. Her appetite had vanished along with her previous good humour.  
Then when Loki reached out to gently push a stray curl behind Sigyn's delicate ear, she had to resist the urge to throw her knife at him. Or her. Either would have sufficed in that moment.  
She could take no more at the point and hurriedly excused herself, mumbling something to the bewildered Balder about having a headache.

*********************

The very next day whilst making her way from the palace she saw them again. Together on horseback and similarly to the previous night, Loki didn't even cast a glance in Sif's direction. Seemingly unaware of her presence and just totally absorbed with Sigyn.  
Fighting to ignore the anger prickling at her, Sif strode purposefully on in the direction of the sparring arena; eyes fixed ahead...but his velvety voice caught her ears...

"Your hair is like the autumn, the colour is so dazzling out here in the sunlight"

A small, girlish giggle ensued from Sigyn, followed by a feathery reply,   
"My Lord, you are quite adorable!"

Sif bit hard on her lip and quickened her pace, eager to be gone so she could hear no more.   
It sickened her to know that this simpering, feeble girl who was not even of Asgard, so elfin-like and fragile in stature, had somehow succeeded in winning Loki's affections.   
He, who had always been so guarded and nonchalant where love and emotions were concerned and in recent times portrayed himself to be practically immune, or rather incapable of any type of affection or gentleness.  
Some said he had a heart of stone and would never love or be loved by anyone.   
Yet here he was now, proving even the harshest of sceptics wrong. The whole realm was aghast at this unlikely turn of events.

The following evening Sif was in her chambers, changing out of her armour after having spent the day training with her warrior companions. She slipped on a pair of leather trousers and a simple long, chiffon vest-style tunic, pulling the band from her hair, and combing it through, opting to wear it down.  
She had arranged to meet with the warriors three in the palace communal room; a less formal hall, containing soft seating and a roaring fire. It was a place for the Aesir to relax and socialise.

She was just about to leave when the sound of familiar laughter rang out from outside her window.   
She froze, knowing that she recognised the laugh but not having heard it in such a long time, it made her hesitant to believe her own ears.  
Filled with curiosity, she rushed across the room, through the the open balcony doors and peered over the side.   
Her ears had not deceived her, for there in the gardens below, stood Loki...with Sigyn. 

She could not hear what they were saying but both of them were smiling and when he threw his head back, his laughter ringing out again, she felt the jealousy erupting inside her.  
She had not heard or seen Loki laugh like this for many years. And somehow, it was this meek, wisp of a woman that was responsible for making him chuckle so joyously.   
And then just when Sif thought she couldn't possibly feel any more disappointed and angry, he proved her wrong.

She watched in stunned horror as the trickster God gently cupped Sigyn's dainty face in his hands, and kissed her full on the lips.   
The Vanir Goddess responded by wrapping her arms around his neck, running a small hand through his shiny, black tresses.

Unable to watch any longer, Sif stormed back inside, slamming the doors so hard behind her that the glass rattled in the frames. Her hands trembled in temper and she felt a lump forming in her throat. Why did she feel like crying? She wanted to scream and throw a childish tantrum. Resisting the urge to break something, instead she left her chambers and stomped off down the long corridor. 

As she passed surprised looking guards, she was oblivious to their stares.   
Their faces, along with the portraits and tapestries that decorated the gallery walls, were nothing more than a blur. Hot tears clouded her vision, threatening to spill and she had to supress a sob.

Upon reaching the communal hall, she felt relief to find the place empty. Her comrades had yet to arrive.   
Taking a flagon of wine, along with a large goblet, she settled herself down on the fur rug in front of the roaring fire.  
Cursing Loki under her breath, she proceeded to glug down the wine she'd poured. 

It didn't take long for her to drain the goblet, so she refilled it and continued to drink. Before she'd realised it, a half hour had passed and the flagon was almost empty. Blearily, she stood and made her way out into the hallway. She'd grown weary of waiting for her companions and her mood had darkened further. Her head was filled with unwanted images of Loki and Sigyn together. Involuntary thoughts raced around her alcohol fuelled brain. She could feel her temper rising further and could not stop it from taking hold of her.

She turned on her heel and marched though somewhat unsteadily, in the direction of Loki's chambers.   
She was overcome with the need to give the sly one a piece of her mind. Needless to say, if she had been thinking straight then she wouldn't have entertained the idea. But she wasn't.

As soon as she reached the door she began pounding on it hard with both fists.  
"Open the door trickster!"   
She bellowed angrily,   
"You are a liar and I was a fool to believe you!"

She heard the sound of the lock being unbolted, so wisely ceased her assault on the door.  It creaked open slightly and Sif was caught off guard completely when Sigyn's face appeared nervously through the gap. Her mind raced, but her wits were dimmed due to the amount of wine she had consumed. Why was Sigyn here in Loki's chambers?

"He...he isn't here Lady Sif"   
She said in a small voice. 

Sif glared at her hard,   
"Then I will wait for him to return!"   
She snapped, forcing the door open and pushing her aside with great ease. 

Sigyn tried to protest, but to no avail. But there was worse to come, much worse. Sif flounced into the room, which she noticed was spinning slightly, but failed to notice him at first until Sigyn called out;  
"Sorry Lopt...I tried to stop her but she forced her way inside!"

She followed the petite Goddess'  gaze and her own eyes fell upon him. He was lay on the bed, scantily clad in thin cotton trousers and a shirt which was open...revealing his sculptured chest.  
For a moment Sif was speechless, she felt winded. As though she had been punched hard in the chest. She stared at him, trembling slightly, eyes blazing with fury.

Feigning ignorance, he stared back at her askance,   
"Was there something you wished to discuss with me Lady Sif?"   
He eventually managed, though his tone was irritatingly calm.

Sif opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. She longed to scream at him, to call him a dirty liar for having denied that he was responsible for her current emotional state....but she suddenly felt foolish and ashamed for her infantile behaviour. Because she knew deep down that the real cause of her fury was due to Sigyn and Loki's apparent feelings for her. Not that she would ever admit this to him. Ever.

Hurriedly and ignoring the startled stares of the pair, she turned and fled the room without a word. She stumbled back along the corridor as quickly as her wobbly legs would allow until all at once she felt a heavy hand clamp down on her shoulder. She let out a startled shriek and spun around, finding herself face to face with her tormenter once again.

"You are a liar!"   
She raged, losing all sel control once more,   
"You said you weren't capable of magic and now you prove your deceit by being able to catch up with me...shape-shifter!"

She shoved him hard in the chest but he felt real, incredibly real to the touch.

"Enough!"   
He yelled, gripping both her arms tightly,   
"This is not a projection, and I did not lie to you. I caught up with you easily, your senses deceive you  not I." 

Deflated slightly, she looked down and noticed he was still bare footed, this explained why she hadn't heard his foot falls at least.   
"I always sense when I'm being followed..especially if I'm being chased!"  
She argued stubbornly.

"Perhaps, but it has been known for you to be caught unawares by me...besides, you weren't exactly moving at great speed. You are too inebriated to notice a pursuer!"   
He retorted, finally freeing her from his grasp.

Sif scowled at him,   
"I am not inebriated!"

A wry smile crept across his handsome face and he raised a pointed eyebrow,   
"And when guilty of being drunk, one always argues to the contrary.."  
He folded his arms across his still exposed chest and added,  
"..I'm aware of this due to having done it so many times myself."

Sif rolled her eyes, trying to ignore how beautiful he was when he smiled.  
"What do you want Loki?"

He leant idly against the wall and eyed her steadily,  
"What do I want?.."   
He over-emphasised the words,   
"It was you who came to my chambers, seeking me out in a berserker rage!"

She tried to fix her eyes on the middle distance, she could not bring herself to look at him. He was looking so underdressed, so casual..it was alien for her to see him like this. He normally looked so refined and unruffled.

"So, Lady Sif..."   
He continued smoothly,  
"...I might well ask what it is that you want?"

Her eyes snapped to his and felt the familiar quickening of her heartbeat, and hotness flooding her face. What did she want? That was an interesting question indeed.   
She had wanted to tear him limb from limb, or at the very least verbally assault him. She was so angry, the fury she felt previously paled in comparison to what she felt after having found Sigyn in his chambers. But in that instance, as she looked at him, the alcohol having numbed her sense of reason, she allowed herself to answer plainly and truthfully..

"You!"   
She declared, though still somewhat nervously.

Loki's expression was clouded with confusion, he frowned deeply, emerald eyes narrowing,   
"What?..What are you saying?...I do not understand-"

"You asked me what I want, I am answering.."   
She interrupted, more determinedly now. She stared deep into his eyes, hoping that he would see the truth in her's,  
"..It is you that I want Loki...I want you!"

His eyes widened and his mouth actually fell open. She had never witnessed the mischievous one  look so completely dumbfounded.   
There was a long, rather awkward pause. She made sure she held her head high in defiance, she wasn't going to back down now. She'd  already crossed a line. No point in trying to retreat when she'd come this far.

He stared back at her agog, then when he eventually spoke, his voice was strained,  
"Why...why are you doing this to me?"

"I am speaking the truth Loki."   
She replied, feeling braver with each passing minute.  
She moved slowly towards him, as though he were a butterfly, a beautiful, fragile thing, that may fly away at any moment if startled.

She heard him swallow hard,   
"Why do you say such things to me? W-why are you mocking me so cruelly?"  
He stammered, eyes desperately searching her face. For what she could not tell. Signs that she was lying, or that she was telling the truth? She wasn't sure.

"I say it because you have asked what it is that I want, and I'm answering you truthfully!"   
She insisted with more conviction now,   
"I'm not mocking you.."

Her final word dissolved into a gasp as he suddenly reached out and grabbed her yet again by her shoulders and held her at arms length, as though surveying her fully,  
"I cannot.....do not....believe that it can be true. How can it be? It is not possible that you Sif, you....."  
He hesitated, like he dare not say it himself out loud,   
"....want me?!"   
He whispered the words as if they were so delicate they may shatter and then be lost forever.

Sif was nodding now, hoping that her declaration had finally sunk in.  
Without further hesitation, she reached up and clasped his face in her hands, pulling him down towards her.   
She could hardly believe her nerve, and she could almost hear warning sirens ringing in her own ears. But she paid no attention to them. His lips were cold and unmoving, she felt his entire body tense up and he didn't move a muscle.   
But she persisted, his unresponsiveness was most likely due to shock, but whatever the reason she wasn't about to give up.   
She had been longing to do this, and her sober self would never have dared.

As she continued to kiss him with more conviction, her lips moved from his mouth, planting feathery kisses along his jawline and down his slender neck. She heard the breath catch in his throat and couldn't help but smile into his hair with satisfaction. She desperately wanted him to want her back. To ignite a flame within him jus like he had done with her. Her passion burned for him. She wanted to kiss him all over, and never stop.  
As her lips found his again, this time he reacted. His lips devoured her's, kissing her back frantically. His passion and ferocity surprised and thrilled her.  
Her hands grasped at his shoulders, her fingers sliding under the material and meeting with bare skin beneath his open shirt. He felt utterly divine, and tasted even more so. His stone-like resolve had cumbled and she could feel his body melting into her, which was very seductive indeed.  
He snaked his hands around her waist now, pulling her to him gently at first as though she were a delicate flower he was afraid of crushing. But as they continued to lock lips his embrace tightened considerably, as his desire heightened. It was as if he were afraid of her slipping from his grasp.

Completely lost in the moment, ears filled with the sounds of their breathless gasps and the thudding of her own heart, she thought she felt him murmur something against her skin. Then all at once, without warning his kisses ceased and his arms no longer held her.   
Confused, she studied his face. He looked sullen.  
"Loki? What is wrong?"

Averting his eyes from her face, he pulled away from her entirely,  
"This.....this is not right Sif. We cannot do this."

She couldn't quite believe what she was hearing, but his face and voice were determined.

"But.....why not? I don't understand, what is the problem?"

"Oh, you mean other than you being betrothed to my brother and I to someone else?" He quipped, the sarcasm cutting her like a knife through butter.

Sif shrunk away from him now, no longer eager to convince him that his reservations were of no consequence. His words were sobering and numbed her to the bone.   
She had been a complete fool, allowing herself to succumb to the raw, passionate emotions that she'd spent the past few weeks fighting against.  
And in her drunken stupor, she'd not even stopped to consider one important detail. Loki had Sigyn now.  He was clearly very fond of her, she'd seen it with her own eyes and now he was cementing that belief by rejecting her advances, in favour of Sigyn.

She felt the all too familiar feeling of her guts churning, and the humiliation burned.  
"Of course. How foolish of me to forget."  
She muttered, the hurt and bitterness sweeping over her, but doing her best to keep her voice steady.

He turned away from her completely, a gesture that spoke volumes to Sif. He was literally turning his back on her. He clearly didn't want her. He wanted Sigyn. His new Vanaheim princess.  
She swallowed down a sob that threatened to choke her and closed her eyes tightly, refusing to allow her tears to spill.   
It didn't work and as he padded off back down the hallway, they fell silently, staining her cheeks once more. 

But this time, it was she who was left watching his retreating back. He was the one walking away...leaving her behind.


	10. A Drunken Altercation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally Thor attempts to make amends with Sif, and she enjoys a much-needed evening amongst friends. Loki's unexpected presence leads to a heated exchange between himself and his fellow Aesir, which upsets Sif in more ways than one.

Never before in her life had she felt quite so rejected, not to mention foolish.   
Her previous gaffe with Loki that occurred all those years ago, paled in comparison to this latest, monumental mistake.   
What had she been thinking?! Well, clearly she hadn't thought much at all, the amount of alcohol she'd glugged had severely impaired her judgement and prevented any coherent thought.  
Amongst the terrible, jumbled mess of emotions, fear was also present. It was the fear that Heimdall may very well have seen the event unfold, and be sending a guard for her at any time. She waited expectantly, unable to shake off the dreaded feeling.   
To her relief, no guard came....as yet.

After hiding out in her chambers for what seemed like an eternity; witnessing the sun rise and set from her window, the irritation began to well up inside her. A mixture of shame, frustration and annoyance with herself.   
As she gazed into her mirror, she barely recognized the woman that she now saw. Her complexion was sallow, dark circles hampered her eyes, but most shocking of all was the protruding cheek bones.   
Also she could not ignore the nagging thought at the back of her mind, that she was a coward. Shaken slightly, she slipped out of the night robe she'd been in for the past 24 hours and began to dress. 

She chose her leather bodice and warrior skirt, deciding that some exercise and combat training would take her mind off things. So what if darkness would soon be falling? The crisp, night air would do her good. However, the harsh reality of just how much weight she had inadvertently shed recently became blatantly clear. The skirt hung down lower than it should on her hips, and the bodice looked almost ridiculously loose around her considering it was supposed to be fitted leather.

Just then a loud knocking on the door startled her from her daze. She swallowed nervously, half expecting a guard, or worse; perhaps even Heimdall himself to call out to her at any moment. The hammering came again, louder, fiercer; she could have sworn that she saw the panels of the wooden door bending inwards under the weight of the pounding.  
Then a deep voice called out. She recognised it instantly and suddenly the strength of the knocking became clear...it was Thor.  
She breathed a sigh of relief and hurriedly opened the door before it was removed from it's hinges or splintered. He wasn't angry, it was just typically Thor. He didn't know his own strength.   
She absentmindedly recalled Loki once commenting that it was easy to hide from his big brother as Thor usually announced his presence by 'taking down a door'

She opened the door now and instinctively turned her back on him, heading back across her room. She was painfully aware of how thin she was looking and was hoping to hide it from him.  
"Thor, it is good to see you, I am just..."  
Her mind raced, searching for some excuse,   
"....I was...just about to...change."  
She managed at last, opening her closet and pretending to be deeply focused on its contents.

"That is one of the reasons I am here..."   
Thor announced,   
"...because you do seem to have...changed."

Forgetting herself, she spun around to face him, a frown forming across her brow,   
"I meant my clothes, Thor."

He stared at her now with a worried expression,   
"Yes I know what you meant Sif, but you have changed. Your behaviour, your habits- "

"My habits?"

"Yes, you rarely seem to be present when we dine, some days you aren't even seen at all. It is clear to us all that something is troubling you."

Sif forced a tight smile,   
"Really Thor? I am surprised you have noticed being as you have barely spoken to me since..."  
She hesitated, almost reluctant to speak the mischievous one's name aloud.   
Whether this was because she did not wish to anger Thor, or because speaking of Loki these days always seemed to make her blush, she wasn't sure.

Thankfully, she didn't have to. Thor knew what she intended to say. He stared down at the floor, looking almost shamefaced.  
"I know and that is the other reason that brings me here...I come to apologise for my behaviour towards you."

Sif crossed the room and placed her hand upon his broad shoulder,   
"Thank you, your apology is appreciated, but please think no more of it now. I never intended to anger you, I am sorry also."

He looked up at her, his broad smile now present,   
"Thank you Sif, and I was wrong to be angry with you. It was foolish of me to allow my grievances with my brother to come between us."  
He placed a large hand on her shoulder, mirroring her gesture; but then his smile faded,  
"Sif, you are little more than skin and bone! "  
His fingers prodded at her shoulder blades, making her flinch slightly in pain,  
"You're wasting away woman! "

She pulled back, now rubbing her tender shoulder,   
"Nonsense..I've lost a little weight that is all. No need to fuss over me."

He stood back, surveying her shrunken frame disapprovingly;  
"A little weight!"   
He exclaimed,  
"I'll wager the chickens we're having for supper have more meat on them than you!"

Sif stifled a giggle,   
"Thank you very much!"   
She tried to sound indignant but failed.

"Well I insist you join me for supper tonight. Our friends will be happy to see you and you are in urgent need of sustenance."  
He joked, heading for the door and holding out his hand for her to take.

She hesitated and glanced down again at her ill-fitting attire,  
"I think perhaps I should change my clothing, I will meet you in the dining hall."

Nodding in apparent agreement, the Thunder God then left, his red cape swirling behind him.

************************

Some 30 minutes later, Sif found herself seated next to Thor at the large table in the dining hall. The warriors Three were present, along with Balder and Freya.

Sif ate hungrily. She consumed a plate of bread, and was soon rather full. She could not face the roast chicken that the men were happily consuming.

The laughter was raucous and the mead and ale flowed. Everyone was in good spirits and indeed seemed delighted by Sif's presence. Much to her relief, no one commented on her weight loss, though Thor was keeping a close eye on what she ate.

After supper, Freya retired, kissing Balder sweetly, then bidding them all goodnight.   
Thor suggested sharing drinks in the communal hall, but both Fandral and Hogun declined, stating they had an early start the following morning.   
Sif, who hadn't touched a drop of mead, wine or ale since she'd overindulged, and the very thought of it was enough to turn her stomach, decided to join the remaining party, as she was enjoying their company. Especially Thor's, she had sorely missed hearing his conversation and laughter.

Linking arms with him, the pair made their way along the hallway, followed by Balder and Volstagg. Their laughter rung out, echoing along the walls but it ceased abruptly upon entering the hall.  
A familiar tall, lean figure was stood leaning idly against the fireplace. Immediately Sif felt panic and embarrassment taking hold of her.   
Slowly Loki turned his head towards the four of them, a momentary look of surprise in his expression.   
But he did not look his usual self. His eyes looked bleary, his hair rather dishevelled and most unbelievably of all, he appeared unshaven. The glow from the fire clearly highlighted the slight dark shadow across his chin. Also his black shirt was unbuttoned slightly.  
Sif's eyes instinctively darted around the room, scanning for Sigyn, but for once she was nowhere in sight.

"It's rude to linger in doorways..."  
He suddenly muttered, eyeing Thor pointedly before smirking and returning his gaze towards the fire,  
"...one might have to question your upbringing."

Balder and Thor exchanged looks, but Volstagg spoke up in order to disperse the awkward tension that had ascended,  
"Come along then, let's take the weight off our feet!"

Unable to help himself, at hearing the reference to weight Thor nudged Sif, and a smile crept across his face,  
"Unlike the Lady Sif here, you'll be in urgent need to do so Volstagg."

Sif giggled and responded by gently slapping his hand. His silliness was a welcome distraction and she felt slightly more at ease.  
But then she looked up to see Loki watching them closely, a dark expression on his face. 

Quickly she averted her eyes and followed Volstagg across the room. He had already made himself comfortable and was talking animatedly to Balder, who had begun busying himself by pouring out flasks of ale.

"Will you join us for a drink Loki?"   
Thor suddenly asked, to everyone's surprise.

In response, without turning around Loki merely lifted a goblet that he was clutching in his right hand, indicating that he already had one.  
It was then Sif noticed the two flagons on the fireplace, clearly he had been drinking for some time. That explained the bleariness in his eyes, but she had to admit she was impressed. Not one, but two flagons of wine and yet he was still upright. The man could clearly hold his liquor.  
And he continued to drink. 

She may have been across the room, sat between Balder and Thor, chatting away merrily but as subtly as she could she kept Loki in her sight from the corner of one eye.   
He never spoke or left his spot by the fire, he just kept throwing them occasional glances over his shoulder, and drinking.

The hour was late when Sif began to yawn. Volstagg had already fallen asleep in his seat and was snoring loudly. Thor, who had drunk his fill, stretched and rose to his feet.  
"You are tired Sif.."   
He exclaimed, and held out his hand for her to take,   
"Come, I shall escort you to bed."

At that, Balder burst into laughter,   
"Would you care to rephrase your words Thor?"

Loki's head snapped round so quickly Sif thought he might have broken his neck. 

Thor was now sniggering at his choice of words also,  
"You know what I mean..I'm offering to escort the Lady to her chambers."  
He clarified.

Balder now got to his feet and clapped Thor on the back,  
"No need to explain yourself to me. She is after all, your intended..so it's your business."  
He began laughing once more, though this time Thor looked slightly uncomfortable. 

Sif felt so too. The prospect of marrying one of her best friends was something that she had tried hard to forget. So hearing it mentioned, even in jest, was unsettling.

"Pay no attention to him Sif.."   
Thor forced a weak smile, taking her hand whilst she rose from the seat.

"I'm not..."  
She replied,   
"...he's had too much to drink."

"Huh!"   
Balder scoffed,   
"If anyone's had too much to drink...it is he!"  
He pointed over towards Loki, who was still glaring at the three of them.  
"I'll wager his hangover will be far worse than mine!"   
He continued, oblivious to Loki impaling him with his stare.

Sif took hold of Balder's arm,   
"Come Balder, it is perhaps time you retired also."

The trio headed for the doorway, Sif could feel Loki's eyes burning into her back. She quickened her pace slightly, eager to be away.   
But Balder, clearly more coherent than she'd thought, now noticed the slightness of her frame.  
"Thor, your future bride is looking almost skeletal.."  
He had her thin wrist grasped in his fingers,  
"...you had better start fattening her up, otherwise you may be at risk of breaking her bones!"   
He erupted with laughter once more.

Suddenly something hard hit the wall just above Balder's head, startling them all. It clattered and fell to the ground, narrowly avoiding it's intended target as it did so.  
The three turned around to see Loki, now minus the goblet he'd been nursing all evening, approaching them,  
"And you are at risk.."   
He hissed venomously at Balder,   
"...of having your bones broken, by me!"

Thor held out a hand to halt Loki in his tracks,   
"Now brother, there is no need for such aggression. Balder meant nothing by his remark, he was merely jesting."

Loki's fierce expression did not falter and his lips curled in a way that made his face look hard and cold.   
Sif had seen this before, though she could not recall having been quite as startled by it as she was now. There was a visible cruelness in the lines around his mouth, the tightness of his jaw and the narrowing of those beautiful green eyes.  
"Well I am not jesting...."   
He replied, before adding coldly,   
"...And I'm not your bother!"

Sif made to approach him, but Balder halted her with a heavy hand on her shoulder,  
"Do not go near him Sif. You cannot be sure of what this mad, half-breed is capable of!"

Loki took a step closer and his head tilted slightly, resembling a cobra eyeing its prey before it strikes,  
"Touch her again... and you'll see what I'm capable of!"

Balder began to draw his sword from it's sheath and advanced upon Loki, shouting angrily. Thor attempted to pull Balder back, but it was too late.   
In the blink of an eye Balder's head jerked back violently, as it met with the butt of Loki's dagger.   
Blood and several teeth flew from his mouth and he collapsed onto the floor, still yelling but this time in pain.

Instinctively Sif knelt beside the injured Balder, lifting his head gently in order to survey the damage.  
Thor now had Loki by the neck, bawling at him angrily,  
"What have you done? Have you completely lost your mind? You have attacked a fellow Asgardian in the House of Odin!"

Loki grappled with Thor, trying to loosen the Thunderer's grip on his throat,  
"I am no son of Odin, you heard what that witless brute called me.....I have Jotun's blood in my veins, have I not?"  
Loki rasped, as the pressure on his windpipe increased.

"Thor, let him go!"   
Sif cried,   
"What are you doing? He's still your brother. You were raised together." 

"I say throttle him, he's mad."   
Balder winced, clambering to his feet with Sif's assurance. And she had to resist the urge to slap him in spite of his injury.

As if coming to his senses, Thor had released Loki from his chokehold, just as he was starting to turn a rather startling shade of blue.  
"He is not my brother Sif..."  
Thor responded, sounding shaken,   
"....you heard him, he constantly reminds me of that fact!"

Loki, who was spluttering and gasping for air, staggered passed them and disappeared through the doors. The sound of him coughing could still be heard as he made his way along the corridors, gradually fading away into the distance.

Sif's heart ached, she longed to follow him and hold him in her arms. Much to her eternal shame. She noticed her trembling hands, she was still shocked after the violent scene she had just witnessed between her childhood companions.   
She was furious with Loki for bringing the palace into such disrepute. But still she had had to fight her natural instincts not to jump on Thor when he had been garrotting him.

Just then two guards came bustling into the hall, they had heard the commotion and seen the disgraced prince, red-faced and watery-eyed, staggering away, so had come to investigate the situation.

"Escort Balder to the healing room immediately!"   
Thor commanded..  
He turned to look at Sif, and could see she was shaken.  
"Are you alright?"

She nodded slowly, reluctant to meet his eyes in case he noticed her guilt,  
"Yes...You should go with him, I am fine."   
She managed, voice wavering.

Thor nodded and followed the guards and Balder out into the hallway.

Just then, with a loud snort, Volstagg, whom Sif had completely forgotten about, sat up, rubbing his eyes,  
"Where did everybody go?"   
He asked, gruffly.

Unbelievably, somehow he'd managed to sleep through the entire incident.

******************

Cursing herself under her breath, Sif found herself heading for Loki's chambers.   
She really had tried to fight it, she had set off in the direction of her own but the pull she felt was too strong and she had to turn around. She tried to reason with herself that sh was just concerned, nothing more. Loki was still a member of the Royal household so was it not her duty to ensure he was alright?   
She almost scoffed aloud to herself....she had to admit, that was a feeble excuse.

As she rounded the next corner, she froze.  
Loki was slumped against the wall in the hallway. Instant panic kicked in and her stomach lurched.  
She raced towards him, throwing herself onto her knees, not even feeling the hardness of the stone floor.  
"Loki, are you alright?"  
She gasped, taking his limp upper body into her arms.

She brushed the stray strands of hair from his face and to her great relief, saw that he was breathing. Tears threatened to spill as she held him to her, his head resting against her chest. She had to resist the urge to kiss the top of his head, but instead found herself burying her face into his ruffled hair; taking in his sweet-musky scent. She closed her eyes  
"What have you done my love?"  
She muttered quietly, her lips against his cool forehead.

With that he suddenly stirred, opening his eyes slowly. He blinked, staring at her wide-eyed as if he could not quite believe what he was seeing. Or hearing.  
"My love?"   
He repeated quizzically.  
His eyebrows raised almost high enough to vanish beneath his hair.

Sif's face reddened, had he been purposely faking, and seeking a reaction from her?  
She cleared her throat and was about to respond when suddenly his arms were around her too, pulling her face downwards towards his.   
She barely had time to register what was happening, too startled to react as his lips locked with hers. 

How could this be happening? She thought perhaps it was a dream or a tantalising nightmare, but the sensation of the stubble on his face, prickling slightly against her skin made it much more real.   
Her mind raced, filling with confusion. Hadn't it only been the other night when she had kissed him but he had pulled away?

She could both smell and taste the alcohol on his breath, but for some reason it was not off putting. He tasted sweet, like honey and mint. And his mouth was delectable. She couldn't resist kissing him back hungrily for what felt like an eternity as the hallway and everything around them fell out of focus.   
When he finally broke  for air, they were both panting breathlessly. But she was still hungry for more. Much more..

"You came for me..."   
He gasped, stroking her face tenderly with his cool fingertips.

She frowned at him, apprehension beginning to creep over her. Did that mean he had tested her? To see if she would follow him? Or was she becoming paranoid.   
The realisation that paranoia where Loki was concerned, was probably essential, saddened her. You never could tell what was...real.   
This was a sobering thought indeed. Perhaps this was all a game to him and nothing more, but she was at risk of falling too deep.

"I was worried that you may be in pain."  
She explained honestly.

Loki smiled, a sickening level of self-satisfaction apparent in his expression,  
"So, it's not the mighty Thor that you want. Or even Balder the brave. You really do want the wicked Loki."  
He made to kiss her again, but this time she turned her face away, avoiding his sweet, poisonous lips.

His confusion and irritation was immediate,  
"What? What is wrong?!..Do you not want me now?"  
His voice was filled with indignation.

"No....I mean yes, but no... I-"

Unsteadily, he clambered to his feet, stretching up to his full height, dwarfing her as she was still knelt down on the floor.  
"Well, what is it to be Sif? Yes or no?!"

"Do not take that tone with me Loki. You were the one who..."  
She hesitated, wondering how to put into words what she so much wanted to say,  
"..well, it was you who did not want me. Or have you conveniently forgotten already?"

For a moment he looked blank, then recognition dawned upon his face,  
"No. That isn't true, I just didn't want you.... like that."

Sif stood and folded her arms firmly across her chest,  
"Like what exactly?"  
She demanded, completely bewildered now.

"Intoxicated.."   
He replied simply, his voice louder than what was necessary,  
"..drunk..inebriated...three sheets to the wind, whatever you want to call it. I could not have taken advantage of you in such a state. How was I to know if you were truly willing, and that you genuinely wanted me?"

Sif stared at him askance, she felt anger swirling in the pit of her stomach and heat rising in her face,  
"You expect me to believe the reason you spurned my affections-"

"Advances."  
He interjected smoothly, his choice of words merely stoking her growing fury.

"Well I do not believe you. At the time you claimed it was due to us being betrothed to others, so you are lying sly one!"

Much to her annoyance, she could see he was actually trying to bite back a smile, his attempt failed. He was clearly finding this amusing.  
"I honestly suspected that your judgement was impaired as a result of the drink. And I could not allow you to do something you may have regretted once sober. I need you to give yourself to me willingly when you're not vulnerable."

Sif's eyes narrowed in suspicion. How could he even use the word 'honestly'...he was known throughout the Nine Worlds as being a liar and a master of deception. He had to be lying.   
Fighting every urge to give in to his charming smile and silver tongue, she squared her shoulders and fixed him with her hardest glare,  
"How chivalrous of you Loki, and considerate not to have taken advantage of my affections. However I have witnessed your false flattery before, and you are renowned for deceiving people. So I would be a fool to trust you now."

Loki was frowning again, the previous disarming smile vanishing without a trace,  
"What do you mean by that?!"

"I mean not only is your gentlemanly behaviour untrue to your character, but you are a liar and manipulator and I won't be drawn into your web of deceit. Only moments ago you viciously attacked Balder, feigned injury and then attempted to seduce me. It is all a game to you isn't it?"

Loki screwed his face up as if he'd caught the smell of something rancid and began gesturing wildly with his hands, his voice several octaves higher than before,  
"I did not feign injury. I am growing immune to the Thunderer's assaults, I was on the floor because I've had slightly too much to drink that is all. And do not dare speak to me of Balder. That dull oaf provoked me....and as for seducing you..."  
He paused for breath and raked his hands through his unruly black mane,  
"..well, I opened my eyes and you were there, embracing me and calling me your love.."  
His words trailed off, and he fixed his hazy eyes on her, narrowing them as though scrutinizing her expression,  
".....is this love, Sif?"

Feeling her heart leap into her throat at his words, she attempted to remain angry. She could not allow her feelings to cloud her judgement,  
"My heart has no place in this!"   
She responded tersely. 

"Then why do the things you have done? Tell me! Why have you risked your reputation to defended me? Why  state that you want me? Why are you even here now? Why did you come in search of me if I'm so abhorrent?" 

Taking a step closer to him, she could no longer contain her anger,  
"You know perfectly well why trickster. You have bewitched me, then you lied about having done so. You see life as a game and treat those around you like pawns, but you aren't playing me like a game any longer Loki!"  
Ignoring his bewildered expression, she spun around and began marching away down the corridor. 

He was in pursuit of her, though somewhat unsteady on his long legs and drunken feet,  
"By the Norn's woman, what in the name of Hela are you talking about? I never bewitched you-"

"Enough! I grow weary of these games...as I grow weary of you Loki."

Undeterred, he continued to follow her along the hallways. Their raised voices bouncing off the walls as they went.  
The disturbance attracted curious looks from several guards along the way, one of which was Tyr the captain. Who was bold enough to approach the arguing pair, resulting in Loki unleashing a torrent of abuse upon him  and some very ungentlemanly expletives in the process. Sif would probably have found it highly amusing if she hadn't been so irate.

At last she reached her own chambers, Loki's pace had slowed considerably, he'd fallen behind in order to argue with Tyr, whilst her own steps had quickened.   
Now she assumed he must have given up, or had been locked up. Either way she no longer cared. 

Once inside, she slammed the door and took a deep intake of breath. Her heart was pounding and her head was aching. She changed into her nightdress and sat combing her hair. Her reflection in the mirror glowered angrily back at her.  
Well, at least Heimdall would be satisfied with her performance.  
For a moment she halted, thinking she'd heard a noise out in the hallway. She sat still and held her breath for a moment, but heard nothing further. 

Confused, she continued combing her long tresses before putting out the candles.  
She went towards her bed, clutching her lamp, the one remaining candle that was lit, when curiosity got the better of her and she found herself heading for the door instead.

Cautiously she opened it slightly, just enough so she could see through the narrow gap.  
She stifled a gasp.  
Loki's now-sleeping form, lay slumped on the floor outside her door..

She couldn't just leave him there. Could she?


	11. Only A Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki has to face the consequences of his drunken actions, and Sif is questioned as a witness to the previous nights assault.  
> With accusations flying, Loki renders Sif a blow which leads her to believe he's been toying with her all along.

Sif stared down at Loki's peaceful, sleeping form. It occurred to her that Heimdall would not be so impressed with these actions, but her earlier resistance had melted like ice beneath a flame.   
Perhaps this is what Loki had been hoping for, but in spite of herself she could not close the door and leave him outside on the cold stone floor.

He had been far heavier than she had anticipated, taking all her effort and strength to drag him in from the hallway. She considered leaving him on the floor, at least he was now on the rug in her chambers. But against her better judgement she found herself heaving him onto the bed.

He never stirred, just continued to snore softly.   
Her bed was quite large, spacious enough for her to sleep in it also without being too close. She sat on the edge now, hesitating for some reason. As innocent as her act of kindness was, she could not shake the feeling that to share her bed with the fallen God would be far too intimate.

Sighing, she leaned back against the ornate headboard and swung her legs up onto the bed. Arms folded defensively across her chest, as if subconsciously creating a barrier between herself and him, she attempted to sit up straighter.  
She decided to stay awake, that way she was at least resting but felt more comfortable with the notion of not actually going to sleep. 

She watched Loki sleep for a while. He looked vulnerable, almost angelic, and startlingly beautiful.   
Her eyelids were growing heavier but she fought to keep them open. However her struggle was in vain, as finally she slipped in to a deep sleep.

 

She awoke from her slumber with a start, upon feeling a movement in her bed. She could feel the warm body lay against her back, shifting slightly. She turned over slowly and just as she did, his eyes opened.  
For a moment they just stared back at each other, neither of them moving or speaking. Loki's dark brows knitted together in puzzlement. Sif was momentarily angry at herself for falling asleep.

She suddenly became aware of the heavily charged silence, their close proximity and the way the air seemed to have thickened between them.   
Instantly uncomfortable and momentarily wondering if he also felt the heavily charged air that hung between them, she slid backwards away from him as subtly as she could.   
This caused him to snigger openly, which immediately riled her but she tried not to show it.  
He cleared his throat and muttered something inaudible under his breath, before slowly sitting up. Wincing as he did so, he gingerly rubbed his temples with his fingertips.

"Feeling rough?"   
She asked, shattering the silence the tense atmosphere.

He did not respond.

"Hardly surprising, considering the amount of alcohol you consumed last night."  
She continued regardless.

He shot her a sideways glance, a smirk tugging at the corners of his lips,  
"I must have consumed a staggering amount for me to not even remember how I came to be here... in bed with you my Lady."

Sif stiffened, and was about to reproach him when she realised he was toying with her.   
In spite of this she sat up quickly, suddenly feeling vulnerable and exposed in her thin night dress. She clutched at the sheet, bringing it high up over her until it was beneath her chin.

Laughing to himself, Loki rose from the bed and attempted to adjust his rumpled attire. Sif watched him button up his shirt and rake his hands through his tousled hair.   
He glanced up and caught her eyes on him, which made her face flush slightly.  
"What?"  
He enquired, with a quirk of the eyebrow. 

She cleared her throat,  
"Nothing...."

Hastily she attempted to draw his attention towards a different subject.  
"Do you recall assaulting Balder?"   
She huffed, quickly turning away.

It had the desired affect. He snorted and stomped across the room as though irritated,  
"As I recall, I was defending myself. He made to attack me and he insulted my honour."

Now it was Sif's turn to snort; but she managed to stifle it,  
"I highly doubt that the Allfather will agree."

Loki halted in his tracks, his face thunderous.  
"You heard what he called me did you not? He's lucky I didn't seriously intend to harm him-"

"You knocked his teeth out Loki!"

"He will be healed, and no doubt he was probably too drunk to feel any pain."

Sif's mouth fell open,  
"He collapsed in agony!"

Loki made a dismissive gesture with his hand, as if such a thing didn't matter,  
"He more likely couldn't stand because he cannot hold his liquor, the dull brute that he is-"

"You were just as drunk, if not more so! At least then perhaps your actions could be excused but now you're sober and show no remorse at all!"   
She cried accusingly.

"And why should I?"   
He demanded gruffly,

"He called me a half-breed..."  
As the words left his mouth, his face fell and Sif suddenly felt heart wrenching sorrow. 

His eyes were filled with sadness, she saw his pain and now longed to reach out and comfort him. But then his expression hardened, his emerald orbs glazed over before her very eyes. His face now a mask of utter contempt  
"Balder is nothing more than the thoroughbred son of a mongrel bitch!"   
He snarled, pure hatred clear in his voice.

Sif felt her heart sink. She could sense the malice that raged within him.   
Heimdall was right it seemed. Loki was a lost cause. The bitter disappointment was bad enough, she felt more foolish than ever for having once believed that she could somehow...fix him. But he was beyond repair. And the fact that she had feelings for the wretched prince was soul destroying. She realised now he'd strayed too far down this path to turn back and it was a path she could not follow.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, fearing she may cry again any moment,  
"You may not regret your actions...but I regret mine now Loki.."  
She could feel his eyes on her now, so she did not dare look at him,  
"..you were right to assume that I would regret my drunken actions the other night. And now I am thankful for not having..."   
Her words trailed off.  
She opened her eyes slightly, but fixed her sights on the bed covers. 

He was still silent, but she knew that he understood what she was speaking of.

"It would have been a mistake...I would have regretted it immensely."   
She added, trying to sound convincing.

An agonising few moments passed, still Loki did not respond. Then she heard the familiar sound of her door opening, followed by it slamming shut.

She looked up with tears blurring her vision, and as she expected...he had gone.

**********************

When she at last managed to shake herself from the low mood she'd been in since Loki had left that morning, Sif washed, dressed and set out in search of Balder.   
None of the warriors Three had any further news, and Thor was reportedly in counsel with Odin.  
Balder was no longer in the healing rooms, so she was relieved by that. 

It was well past midday when a guard came to inform her that the Allfather commanded her presence in the Great Hall.  
Escorted by the guard, she nervously entered, Thor was present, along with Frigga, Balder himself...and a very disgruntled looking Loki.

As she strode over, bowing her head respectfully to Odin and his Queen, she could feel anxiety and apprehension stirring in her stomach, though she was not sure why. 

Odin stared back at her, his expression stern.  
"Lady Sif, I would like to hear your account of last night's events, as you were present, and according to Thor, your presence may have been relevant to Loki's actions."

Sif felt her chest tighten and slid Loki a quick, sideways glance.   
Clean-shaven now and dressed in his leather armour, she felt a fleeting pang of disappointment. He was so handsome and regal in appearance. It seemed unfair that he was so emotionally damaged.  
She noted the way he seemed reluctant to meet anyone's eyes and instead stood staring into the middle distance. But his body language was almost twitchy, a sign that he felt uncomfortable.   
Sif feared the worse, usually it took a lot to ruffle Loki's feathers but his calm-exterior seemed to be wavering on this occasion.

"My Lord, I believe that Loki had drank too deeply, as Balder had also. I do not see how I could be instrumental in their quarrel-"

"It was not a quarrel!"   
Balder burst out angrily,   
"He attacked me, we barely exchanged words. His behaviour was unprecedented."

"You..."  
Loki broke in calmly, still staring blankly ahead,  
"...insulted me."

Balder opened his mouth to speak again, but Thor silenced him,  
"Enough! We've been over this several times already and the fact remains that although Balder's slurs were somewhat insulting, the quarrel had already begun."

"Yes by him throwing a horn at me!"   
Balder cried, refusing to keep quiet, despite Thor's protests.

Loki snorted loudly and at last he turned to shoot Balder a look,  
"At least get the facts correct, it was not a horn...I threw a goblet at you.....an empty one I might add..."   
He paused briefly for effect before adding curtly,  
"...no point in wasting good wine."

Balder erupted, but Thor silenced him again,  
"Loki no one is interested in what type of drinking vessel it was...you still initiated the confrontation!"  
Thor then turned to look at Sif, an almost apologetic look on his face,  
"Sif, you heard the things that were said, Loki clearly became irritated by Balder's jesting regarding you and I-"

Loki scoffed and rolled his eyes,  
"It matters not what was said, his very presence irritates me!"

Both Balder and Thor began to shout but Odin struck the floor with his spear,  
"Silence!..You squabble amongst yourselves like disagreeable children! The point is I will not tolerate brawling within these walls!"

There was an awkward silence, then Sif took a breath and spoke up,  
"Allfather, I do not believe that Loki acted so as a result of any jests made by Balder regarding myself-"

"And why is that Lady Sif?"   
Odin asked, his one good eye penetrating her as though searching her very soul.

Sif shifted nervously under the weight of his heavy gaze,  
"Because I...well, there just isn't any reason for him to-"

"But he did spend the night with you in your chambers did he not?"  
Odin cut in again, his words flattening her completely.

All eyes were on her. She could feel her cheeks beginning to flame.   
Balder made an almost smug scoffing noise, and Thor's face was filled with confusion,  
"What is this Sif?"   
He asked, astonishment clear in his voice,   
"Is this true?"

Sif turned to him, voice quavering slightly,  
"It is not how it may appear Thor, it was a simple act of kindness. I could not just leave him passed out in the hallway. For appearances sake, it is unbecoming conduct for a prince, I merely hoped to save him from embarrassment and ridicule." 

"So you did not think to call for assistance?"   
Odin asked, almost accusingly,   
"The palace guards could have taken him to his own chambers. Tyr witnessed the pair of you bickering, he  could have been sent for to take Loki in hand." 

Sif's throat felt suddenly dry and tight. How could she explain that such a thought had never even entered her head? So instead they would assume she perhaps wanted Loki in her chambers. Or even worse, that perhaps he and she were...lovers.  
As much as the notion daunted her, she could not ignore a sudden excitement, like a slight thrill just by thinking such a thing. However this caused her to blush even more, something that they would obviously notice and it would not help her cause.

"There is nothing between Loki and I.."   
She announced, with as much conviction as she could muster,

"There's that word again."  
Loki suddenly piped up, attracting curious glances. 

Ignoring him, she continued,  
"I merely took pity on him-"

"You seem to make a habit of doing that."  
He interjected again.

Sif spun around to glare at him, incredulous that he was actually adding fuel to this fire. She felt the sting of humiliation and a feeling of betrayal. But then just as she was about to protest he spoke again, this time an air of laughter in his smooth voice,  
"However I do not want nor need pitying, but regardless of that the relationship between the lady Sif and myself is  purely platonic, I assure you."

Odin was now staring at him, along with Thor and Balder. Only Frigga sat, head bowed, as if she felt embarrassment for her adopted son.

"Then why is it..."   
Odin was now demanding,  
"...that Heimdall believes that not to be true?"  
Sif swallowed hard. Heimdall, so he'd spoken to Odin about his fears...and obviously what he had seen. 

"And Tyr informs me that your disagreement bore the resemblance of a quarrel between two lovers rather than acquaintances."  
Odin added. 

Even though she hadn't thought it possible, Sif's embarrassment soared to a whole new level. It was only the sound of Loki's forced laughter that regained her concentration.

"Heimdall clearly still has unfinished business with me.."   
He was saying,  
"..and Tyr has never been overly fond of me either. Any account from either of them will be biased."

At this Balder scoffed,  
"So you expect us to believe that you are nothing more than a victim of vindictive gossip? It's convenient that so many people have a personal vendetta against you isn't it?"

"Yes evidently there is a line of miscreants who seek to demonise me, yourself included Balder!"

"You need to face the consequences of your actions and stop trying to make a martyr of yourself, Laufeyson!"

Frigga gasped at this and Sif held her breath. She stared eyes-wide awaiting Loki's response. 

His face contorted with rage and his usual emerald coloured eyes looked cold and hard, they glared at Balder like two glass marbles, fierce and frightening. He looked almost soulless.  
But then just as Sif was fearing disaster, unexpectedly he forced his lips into an evil sneer, turned towards Odin and somehow managed a strained smile,  
"Do you see what I have to endure?"   
He remarked, almost smugly now,  
"Luckily For Balder I am sober today, so will not lower myself by joining him under the rock from which he has crawled...I am after all, a prince of Asgard."

Balder was glaring angrily back at him now, and Loki added pointedly,  
"...I am still a Royal member of the Aesir, and clearly capable of conducting myself better than you despite being the bastard son of a frost giant." 

Thor looked clearly astonished that Loki had kept his temper, and Sif let out a sigh of relief. Although his words were still scathing, and even self depreciating to some extent, she felt an unfamiliar twinge of pride towards Loki. She wanted to throw her arms around him or clap him on the back.

His eyes met her's and for a moment the disappointment returned. As reluctant as she was to admit it, she was sorely regretting now the way she had dismissed him that morning. Perhaps there was still hope for him to reprieve himself after all. And maybe, there was still hope for...  
But then just as she'd dared think it, and let her emotions get the better of her, he spoke again and his words pierced through her heart like a well aimed arrow

"It is of no importance now, I have my forthcoming marriage to prepare for and my bride is my only concern."

Odin looked thoughtful at this, nodding slowly in apparent agreement. 

Sif wondered if Loki was saying such things in order to put an end to the questioning. Odin was about to speak, when Loki dealt Sif yet another blow,  
"As you have been most kind towards me Lady Sif, taking pity on me the way you have, I was hoping you might do me the honour of being the bride's maid for the ceremony?"

Sif blinked at him, unable to find the words to answer. She wanted to shout and scream at him for this deliberate cruelness. But she could not. All eyes were on her awaiting her response.

Loki was making matters even worse by looking expectantly at her, feigning innocence and persisting,  
"Sigyn is eager for you to accept. You are to be my sister-in-law some day are you not? So that will hopefully lay the foundations for a potential friendship between yourself and my wife."

An awkward moment of deadly silence passed. She desperately tried to collect her thoughts and not betray her true feelings on the matter,  
"I..I'm, well I-"

"You're not, otherwise engaged on midsummer's day are you?"   
Frigga suddenly spoke up, as though she sensed Sif's struggle for words and was almost offering her the opportunity to politely decline the invitation.

Unfortunately though Sif did not seize the chance to make her excuses because Frigga's words sunk in, throwing her off guard completely,  
"Midsummer's day? But that is little more than a week away!"   
She exclaimed, her voice coming out more shrill than she'd intended.

"Granted it is short notice..."   
Odin spoke up gruffly,  
"...but the Vanir King and myself are eager for the wedding to go ahead as soon as possible in order to secure a peace treaty and alliance between out two realm. And Loki has no objections to the proposal."

Sif couldn't help turning to stare at Loki, who suddenly appeared reluctant to look back at her now.  
"When was this decided?"   
She demanded, suddenly not caring about the others who were present.

"This midday."  
Loki replied quietly, finally slipping her a poignant look.

She knew what this meant and the realisation was unbearable. He had agreed to the proposal after having left her chambers. After having been spurned and rejected by her. She had told him plainly that she regretted any dalliance with him and was thankful for not having crossed the line further. So now he had committed himself to a wedding date. In just over a week he would be someone else's.   
She knew she should be grateful that he was to be someone else's problem, that she'd no longer have to feel responsible for him. But this brought her little comfort.

She knew his reasons for agreeing to such a rushed ceremony were questionable. Was he acting out of spite in order to try and hurt her, or did he now truly believe that she did not care for him at all? Either way, did it even matter now?

Painfully aware also that he may even be trying to seek a reaction from her, she swallowed down the lump that had formed in her throat. She had to stand by her earlier decision. It was for the best, wasn't it? 

Loki had done nothing but play her like a game for weeks now and it had taken its toll. She'd barely slept, and had lost her appetite. The stress and constant emotional turmoil was not doing her any good. A love between them would be forbidden anyway, so it was time to let him go. Enough really had to be enough.

She cleared her throat and spoke as steadily as she could,  
"Yes, of course...it will be an absolute pleasure."

Never before had she spoken such a blatant lie. The words were empty, like how she was feeling; hollow and numb. But she would never let him know. Her pride would not permit it and she found herself secretly promising to never allow Loki to suspect or gain knowledge of her true feelings.

He was looking at her now almost forlornly, his expression sombre.   
But she reminded herself that this was probably no more than disappointment for not having gained a more dramatic reaction from her.

Enquiring as to whether or not she may take her leave now, the Allfather gave his consent, so she excused herself and left the hall with an air of brightness that she did not feel. To the untrained eye she went away care free, but her smile did not reach her eyes.  
As she walked, legs feeling like lead and heart just as heavy, another thought came to her. Loki did not truly care for her anyway and probably never had. What if this had all been just a mere game to keep him amused whilst being confined to the palace without access to his magic?

Was he hoping to seduce her just to anger his estranged family? Odin and Thor would be aghast, not to mention Heimdall and most of the other Gods. Perhaps he sought to bed her as an act of revenge on Thor...or even herself for having dismissed him so readily in the past.   
He had probably toyed with her feelings just so he could later reject and humiliate her, all she would be is a conquest, nothing more. Like his other ex bed partners.

This possibility convinced her now that she would definitely put him from her mind. He had no business being there, or in her heart. He was not worthy. Everyone was right about Loki, he was nothing more than a trickster. So much so, that his behaviour had caused him to lose his title of God of Fire, long ago. Only to be replaced by that of Mischief.  
She convinced herself to search deep within, knowing that although she had become a shadow of her former self, she could regain her strength; both emotionally and mentally. 

She just had to remain in this frame of mind. She compared the events of the past few weeks to that of a book, and declared to herself that this chapter where Loki was concerned was now most definitely closed.


	12. Sharing The Secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the wedding preparations underway, Sif unwillingly finds herself caught up in the midst of the arrangements for the impending nuptials.  
> Loki continues to taunt her, which doesn't go unnoticed, but then a sympathetic shoulder is offered from a most unexpected person.

Under normal circumstances the inane giggling and chatter that filled the room would not bother Sif so much. But these were not normal circumstances. 

She was surrounded by smiling maids, combing and pulling at her hair; twisting it, pinning it up only to release it and begin all over again. Her head ached from it.   
An overly jovial dress maker was busily pulling at the swathes of pink satin cloth that she had been stuffed into. It had taken well over an hour to adjust the length and now the bodice was being laced up so tightly that Sif could barely draw breath.

Across the room, the blushing bride-to-be, or rather, gushing bride-to-be, stood twirling in front of a long mirror, excessively excitable whilst the servants and other dress maker beamed with delight, fawning over her and proclaimed how beautiful she looked.  
Sif surveyed the petite woman scornfully. The soft pink material did not look out of place on her as it did on herself. The colour did not clash with her hair as it did with her own. The style also complimented Sigyn's small frame...this same style on Sif made her feel much too tall and wide.   
The dress clung awkwardly to her curvaceous hips, and the square neckline cut into her ample bosom.   
It had already been adjusted twice, previously it had squashed her chest flat but now her cleavage spilled out over the top, giving her the appearance of a common harlot.

At first Sif had reasoned with herself that she was a warrior, not a typical maiden who liked to be dressed up in elaborate gowns of silk and lace. And comparing herself to Sigyn as a woman would normally not cause her any resentment or jealousy. Normally she rejoiced in the fact that she had curves and long, athletic legs, whilst in comparison Sigyn was short and slight with narrow hips and a much flatter chest.  
Yet now she found herself envying her.

Her thoughts were shattered by a sudden commotion in the room, a muffled voice rang out from the hallway, causing Sigyn to scurry out through a side door followed by a few maids, all giggling as they went.   
Sif turned and was startled to see Loki striding purposefully through the main door, pursued by a protesting Frigga.

"You cannot enter here Loki, there are ladies who may be in a state of undress!"  
She scolded.

Loki rolled his eyes at his mother,  
"Which is precisely why I knocked and announced my intention to enter before I came in."

He strode across the room, eyes scanning it before they eventually rested on her. His deadpan expression gave nothing away as he studied the dress she was wearing closely, making Sif extremely uncomfortable.

"Loki, may I remind you that it is the accustomed practice for the bridal gown not to be seen by the intended husband until the union takes place!"   
Frigga pointed out.

Loki indicated towards Sif, a look of distaste now present on his handsome features,  
"Surely this is not the same gown that is to be worn by the bride?"   
He said, aghast,

The dress maker hurried forward, bowing benevolently,  
"Sire, the Lady Sigyn chose this style of gown...but I assure you it looks most becoming on her."  
The implication of his well meant words, stung and Sif had to take a sharp intake of breath to quell her indignation. 

It was made worse by Loki's intense gaze, she could feel his emerald eyes scrutinizing her.

Just then Thor appeared in the doorway, having followed Frigga along the hallway.  
"Loki, what is the meaning of such an intrusion?"   
He demanded.

Before Loki could respond, the side door opened and Sigyn came in now wearing a robe. If she was angry, she certainly did not show it. Her eyes practically lit-up when she saw her beloved.  
Sif, who had thought she was now immune to his charms, was not as complacent as Sigyn. But when Loki fired the most dazzlingly charming smile across the room and straight into her eyes it disarmed her completely. 

"My apologies Ladies...No offence was intended, it was mere curiosity that drove me here."   
He proclaimed sincerely, looking most honest and noble.

Sif gulped, blinking at him through the dazzle. If such a smile could charm her even now, then there was no doubt Sigyn would forever be wrapped around his little finger.  
Only Thor was not impressed and he shot his brother a disapproving look. 

If Loki noticed, he didn't seem to care. He sauntered idly towards Sif again, though this time he came much closer.   
She found herself holding her breath, though she didn't know why, as he reached out and took hold of the hem of the dress.  
He ran his long fingers across the fabric, studying it closely. As Sif watched she recalled the way those very same fingers had previously caressed her face and hair...the memory sent a shiver along her spine and caused a sudden rise in her temperature.

"I suppose such a gown would look fair on the Lady Sigyn.."   
Loki muttered, then glancing pointedly at Sif he added,   
"..you and she, after all....are as different as night and day."

Sif glowered at him furiously for using the words she'd once spoken about him, against her now.   
The wicked Loki. He was not unlike a rose. His beauty was distracting, so much so it was easy to become distracted by its loveliness, forgetting the potential danger. Then you end up injuring yourself on its thorns.

"Yes we are different and no doubt the gown would suit me better if I had fairer hair!"   
She quipped accusingly,

Loki narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips,  
"Ahh, it burns you to have hair as dark as mine? Whilst everyone else is fair and beautiful-"

"And I have you to thank for that!"   
Sif interjected, oblivious to the quizzical looks they were attracting from the others gathered in the room.

To Sif's annoyance Loki responded by smiling playfully, his eyes flicking down towards her heaving bosom. He raised a dark eyebrow and blatantly stared at her chest,  
"Well, you do have other...attributes Sif."

Sif's cheeks blazed with embarrassment and the way he was openly leering at her made her feel both horrified and quite giddy at the same time.

He raised his eyes again to meet her own and grinned at her wolfishly,  
"As hideous as this gown may be, it does...emphasise your, um...features."

At that Thor stepped forwards into the room,  
"Enough of your taunting Loki.."   
He turned to look at Sif pityingly,  
"..the gown is rather fetching Sif, pay no attention to his slights and inappropriate remarks."

Sif managed a weak smile, she appreciated the kind gesture.   
Loki began chuckling as if to himself, and headed towards the door. Before he left he halted abruptly and turned to look back at them,  
"In Midgardian legend it is said that I cut the Lady Sif's hair then threw the shorn locks at your feet Thor...as a symbol of your wife's adultery."

Thor blinked and shifted uneasily,  
"The humans tell many tales involving the Gods, few are correct. Sif is not my wife and you are not her lover."

Loki shot Sif a look,   
"I alone know, as I think I do know, your love besides Thor....and that was the wicked Loki."   
He smiled crookedly,   
"One of my favourite quotes from the Poetic Edda."  
He turned on his heel and left, leaving a perplexed Thor staring after him.

"I met a medical man during my time on the Earth and he thought Loki was insane. At times such as this I'm inclined to agree."  
He muttered, before sauntering out through the door, his red cloak trailing behind him.

Sigyn, clearly bewildered, excused herself and left once more through the side door.

It was then Sif noticed Frigga looking at her,  
"Lady Sif, once you have changed back into your own garments, please meet me in the Great Hall...I must discuss an important matter with you."

Trying to stifle her surprise, Sif nodded dumbly,  
"Of course my Queen."

Frigga smiled warmly, before leaving Sif alone with the dress makers and remaining servants.

 

************************

Sif was anxious to find out what Frigga wished to discuss with her. After dressing hurriedly she headed off down the main hallway.   
As she passed by the open doors which led out into the courtyard, she noticed the familiar, willowy figure of Sigyn, basking in the warm sunlight.

Sif hesitated only briefly, then continued on her way but Sigyn had seen her and came rushing into the hallway,  
"Lady Sif, I must speak with you!"

Sif resisted the urge to stop, she had more pressing matters to deal with. An audience with Frigga was far more important than discussing wedding gowns..

"I'm sorry Lady Sigyn, I am wanted elsewhere."   
She replied, as politely as possible.

"Yes I believe so...but by whom, that is what I wish to know!"

Sigyn's words caused Sif to halt in her tracks. She spun around to face the petite woman, frowning quizzically,  
"What exactly do you mean by that?"   
Sif demanded.

Sigyn drew closer, emphasising their size difference. The tiny Goddess had to tilt her head upwards in order to meet Sif's eyes,  
"I have attempted to question Thor but he tells me very little...he also dismisses my concerns, insisting that they are unfounded..."   
She exclaimed, eyes wide, peering intensely at Sif,  
"...but after having just witnessed that exchange, the cryptic words and looks you share-"

"What are you referring to? Speak plainly."  
Sif interrupted sharply, though she knew only too well what she was implying.

"You...and my husband-"

"He is not yet your husband!"   
Sif pointed out, and instantly regretted it.

Sigyn smiled triumphantly,  
"You have just proved my point entirely! Well, he is to be my husband no matter how much you dislike the fact!"

"Before you accuse me, might I point out that in your eagerness to stake your claim on Silver Tongue, you have forgotten something, have you not?"   
Sif snapped back.

And to her delight, Sigyn looked suitably confused. She had chosen her words purposefully to bewilder her.

"You do know that Silver Tongue is one of Loki's preferred kennings?"   
She went on, deliberately using another ancient term.

Sigyn began to blush,  
"Kennings?..I do not understand what that means-"

"It is a poetic reference to someone, an alternative name that bears no resemblance to one's actual name.."  
Sif explained, revelling in Sigyn's awkwardness,  
"Vulture Path is another name Loki is known by throughout the nine realms...not just Lopt."

Sigyn looked somewhat deflated now, but Sif had not yet made her point.  
"Perhaps you don't know your intended so well after all. But I digress. You, firstly implied you knew I was wanted elsewhere and that you wished to know by whom-"

"I did not say-"

"Yes, you did...now, those words imply you suspect that your betrothed may desire me!"  
Sif clarified, remorselessly.

"If it is so, then I must know if his...desires are reciprocated!"  
Sigyn demanded, clearly flustered.

Sif regarded her coldly,  
"My personal thoughts and feelings are none of your business madam..as for Loki's, you will never know his either!"

At that Sigyn turned and flounced away, defeated. Leaving Sif decidedly rattled. She had not meant to lose her temper and almost regretted the way she'd belittled Sigyn. But she had rubbed salt into a still open wound.  
Sigyn may have lost this battle, but she'd already won the war. No matter how Sif taunted her, she was victorious. She was to be Loki's bride. Why wasn't that enough for her?

By the time Sif reached the Great hall, her head was pounding and her nerves were frayed.   
However, it is a truth universally acknowledged, that just when you assume matters can't get any worse, they usually do.

Just as Sif entered the Hall, allowing herself to think the day couldn't possibly become any more trying or bizarre, she found herself being greeted by a concerned looking Frigga.....and Heimdall.

Sif's heart sank and she felt her stomach drop along with it. However, she was granted slight relief when Heimdall excused himself from the room, leaving the two women alone.

"There is no need to look so daunted Sif.."  
Frigga smiled and gestured for her to take a seat by her.

Obediently she sat. Frigga's face was filled with concern and she placed a gentle hand upon her arm,  
"Sif, I must speak frankly with you, though this matter is of a delicate and somewhat, intimate nature."

Sif blinked nervously and was about to respond when Frigga spoke again,

"I am concerned about you...I know you have difficulty sleeping and haven't been eating properly but those herbal concoctions won't remedy what ails you."

Sif instantly tensed and her chest tightened,  
"Heimdall has been watching me?"

Frigga shook her head,  
"He knows you have difficulty sleeping...he's told me nothing other than that, apart from mentioning the exchange he just witnessed between Sigyn and yourself.."

Sif's stomach now began to churn,  
"I purchased some herbal powders from an apothecary in town, I'd hoped it would help me sleep and calm my nerves."   
Sif admitted, hoping to steer away from discussing her altercation with Sigyn.

Frigga nodded sympathetically,  
"I know, I too have used such medicines in my youth. But as I say, it won't remedy the underlying issue.."   
Her words trailed off.

Sif sighed heavily,  
"I assure you my Queen, there is no need to be concerned for me. I am merely-"

"Sick with love."  
Frigga ventured, causing Sif to visibly reel in shock.

"Love?..No, I cannot possibly-"

"My dear Sif, you cannot eat, you cannot sleep....you're on edge and tetchy. These are all classic symptoms of being in love."

Sif forced a weak laugh, as she cradled her head hopelessly in her hands,  
"If these are feelings of love then I'd rather be without it."

Frigga smiled gently, her eyes filled with empathy,  
"They are certainly feelings of unrequited love, yes?"

Sif raised her head and looked up at the wise Queen,  
"I...I'm not sure. It is complicated."  
She stammered hopelessly.

Frigga took Sif's hands in her own and looked her directly in the eyes, but this was not intimidating or threatening. She looked open, honest and kind,  
"Sif, you are afraid because you're unsure of a love there is no cure for. And that is why I am concerned for you....just as I am concerned for him also."

Sif sat bolt up straight and felt her grip tighten slightly in Frigga's soft, warm hands,  
"H-him?"   
She quivered, throat suddenly dry.

Frigga smiled again, a genuine heart-warming smile that displayed love in her eyes,  
"Yes...my son."

Sif's hands now began to tremble, and her heartbeat quickened,  
"My Queen, Thor and I aren't-"

She fell silent as Frigga suddenly chuckled heartily.  
"Sif, I have two eyes you know, just like I have two sons....it's Loki I'm referring to."


	13. The Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a heart to heart with Frigga, Sif is left feeling more confused than ever and as the day of the wedding dawns she prepares herself to let Loki go once and for all. But will she be able to watch him go through with the ceremony, and will her presence have any impact on him?

Once she'd heard Frigga speak his name, Sif had wept uncontrollably.   
Never in her wildest dreams would she have ever made such an emotional display of herself in another's company, especially in front of one such as as Frigga. But her gentleness and compassion was remarkably soothing and made her feel far less foolish and embarrassed as she could well have been had it been anyone else.

She had draped her arms around her and brought her comfort in the way only an understanding mother could.   
And as she held her, it had all come flooding out. Gushing like a river that had burst its banks....

Sif spoke of her fears, torment, confusion and heartache.  
It was a great relief to get it off her chest. Her secret feelings had been an increasingly heavy burden and at last the weight had been lifted.

Amidst her flowing tears, Sif tried to put into words the way she had been trying in vain to convince herself that she could not possibly love the troubled Prince.   
As she voiced her most intimate feelings; describing how her heart seemed to beat a thousand times all at once just at the sight of him, and how she practically had to remind herself to breath whenever he looked in her direction, Frigga had smiled. Her own eyes twinkling and stated that,   
"One can try to ignore the signs...but you know inside, butterflies don't lie."

Those words though so simple, undeniably made perfect sense.

"I once thought that my love was for Thor.."   
Sif had pondered aloud,  
"..but as I grew I came to realise that I do love him, but not as a lover."

Frigga nodded in apparent agreement,  
"There are many differences between loving someone and actually being 'in' love."

Sif had to temporarily choke back further tears, in order to speak coherently,  
"I used to think I felt great pain when Thor seemed to tire of me and spurned me in favour of Freya...but that was nothing compared to what I feel now..."  
She stared up helplessly at Frigga's kindly face which was blurred and distorted through her tearful eyes,  
"..Thor and I were together once and we realised we do not really want each other...Loki and I never have or will be a couple. It is though he is slipping through my fingers...and into another's."

At that point she broke down again and cried as though her heart might break, though she felt certain it already had.

Frigga hushed her and stroked her hair gently.  
"My dear Sif, where there is love, there is hope....you must remember that. "

Sif shook her head, defeated,  
"What hope can there be now? My feelings are unrequited, I have already lost him."

At that point Frigga had given her a poignant look,  
"You haven't lost him...he does not yet belong to another-"

"He's never even been mine to lose though really.."  
Sif mused sadly,  
"...you cannot lose what isn't truly yours to begin with."

Frigga smiled knowingly,   
"Oh forgive me Sif, but how little you know the object of your affections!"

Sif blinked, unable to keep her brow from furrowing,  
"I do not understand-"

"Of course you don't. Loki is a complicated fellow to say the least and always has been. Not many understand him, even I have struggled at times."

Her face fell now, her expression saddening and Sif's heart went out to her. This woman loved Loki as her own son despite him having inadvertently caused her no end of suffering.  
"But I know certain aspects of his character..."   
She continued softly,  
"..and I dare say I am certain of one thing, if no other..."

She took hold of Sif's hand again and with eyes filled with sincerity, proclaimed,  
"...you have always had him!"

 

Those words were still ringing in Sif's ears now.   
Frigga hadn't supplied her with any sufficient explanation as to why she believed this to be true, other than claiming to know her son well enough, and that it was a mother's instinct.

Though not having any actually statement from Loki himself, Sif did not dare believe that this may be true.   
She already felt utterly crushed, and couldn't not bear the thought of allowing herself false hope.  
The only relief Sif had, although slight, was that Frigga had assured her she would no longer be required to attend Sigyn as her bride's maid at the ceremony.   
She agreed that Sif should be spared further pain by having to perform such a duty and somehow managed to convince everyone that Sif had justifiable cause to not attend and that she was needed elsewhere.

**************************

After Sif's confrontation with Lady Sigyn, it came as no surprise to hear that Sigyn did not object to her not being able to fulfil her bride's maid duties. 

What did come as a surprise to her however, was the letter that was pushed beneath her chamber door the very night before the wedding.

She stood from her dressing table and crossed the room, eyes fixed on the piece of parchment. It could not have been delivered by a servant, as they would have knocked the door and handed it to her personally.

Intrigued, she picked it up and examined it closely.   
Blinking in surprise, her heart began to race when she noticed the distinctive wax seal; the looped snake....the unmistakable emblem used only by him...  
Gently breaking the seal, she unfolded the paper and began to read Loki's beautiful, yet somewhat elaborate handwriting.   
Her heart sank slightly as she realised it was a request for her to attend his wedding. Written quite formerly, addressing her as 'Dear Madam', with no hint of personal feelings or explanation as to why he wanted her to attend.

Hurriedly she opened her door but there was no sign of him in the hallway.   
Angrily she cursed herself for not having just opened the door before opening the letter.   
For a brief moment she contemplated going to his chambers to demand an answer, but she quickly dismissed the thought. Those days were gone. She had promised herself that her days of visiting Loki's chambers were well and truly over. Each time had resulted in her humiliation. 

 

Needless to say, sleep was impossible for her that night. Thoughts swam around her mind until her head ached.   
Why was he still asking her to attend the wedding? He hadn't objected to bowing out of her role of Bride's maid, but he still requested her presence at the ceremony.  
The only possible reason she could think of was that even now he was still trying to torment her. What reaction was he hoping for this time? Perhaps for her to angrily confront him again, or was he hoping she would attend and then break down during the service, making a spectacle of herself in public once more?

The more Sif thought about this the more angry she became until finally, having given up on sleep, she rose from her bed and began searching her wardrobes for an appropriate gown. If Loki wanted a reaction from her, then he wasn't going to get the one he wanted.   
She would attend the wedding and she would force a smile and applaud with the rest of the Aesir as the happy couple were pronounced 'Husband and Wife'

She faltered slightly at this sobering notion, images of him kissing the bride danced before her tired, sore eyes.   
Could she really witness the object of her affections, her tormentor, her heart's desire...proclaim his love for another and swear an oath to remain her's alone for eternity?  
Biting back the urge to weep once more, she forced the thoughts from her mind. She had to stay strong. Reminding herself that she had been nothing more than Loki's pawn, a mere distraction to help alleviate the boredom of being confined to the palace, she felt the familiar sting of humiliation returning.

Loki did not harbour any real feelings for her.   
She momentarily recalled the way he'd kissed her so passionately....but this only served to anger her further as she also remembered the way he'd kissed Sigyn, and she had been in his chambers that night.   
Her resentment was now returning, her hands instinctively balled into fists at the  realisation that she'd given Loki an open invitation to toy with her emotions. Sh had, after all, been the one who had kissed him first. And he had initially rejected her in favour of Sigyn.

So, as the hour of the wedding drew near, Sif was more determined than ever to attend. To be able to look her tormentor in the eye and feel proud of herself for having beaten the trickster at his own game.

************************

Odin's Great Hall was filled with the sound of excited chatter. The Aesir, Nobles of the Royal Court and elders were all in attendance. Outside huge crowds had gathered in the hope of catching a glimpse of the innocent vanir Bride and her intended husband.

Sif had dressed elegantly for the occasion in a simple, yet beautiful red gown. Her long dark tresses tapered demurely over one shoulder, with a single red rose affixed by her right ear. 

As one of the last to arrive, she managed to slip in unnoticed by her companions, much to her relief.  
Scanning the room, she spotted Fandral with a pretty young maiden on his arm, and behind them in the crowd both Volstagg and Hogun stood looking on, whispering between themselves.   
Sif followed the direction of their gaze to the head of the Hall, where Odin and Frigga stood side by side.   
Their thrones had been somehow removed for the occasion in order to create more space up on the dais.  
It was then Sif's curious gaze fell upon Loki. Dressed in full ceremonial regalia, much like he was at the ball but minus his horned helm, which he held under one arm. Desperately she tried to ignore the sensation of her heart hammering against her rib cage.

She couldn't help but notice the way his raven locks had been trimmed, the previous stray, uneven strands all gone, and now combed back into perfection.   
The bright light which filled the room, danced off the polished metal of his armour; the reflexion dazzling and making him appear even more celestial and angelic than ever.   
His previous scars had long disappeared, leaving his complexion just as smooth and soft looking as she'd always remembered it being.  
At that moment he turned his head, first left, then right. She could see his eyes roving amongst the onlookers, scanning their faces. 

Her attention was caught by the small green and gold jewel now dangling from his left earlobe.   
That was new. Or was it? Furrowing her brows Sif was sure she'd seen him wear something similar once before...though long ago.  
Such an accessory on anyone else would have looked ridiculous. And no doubt many of the Aesir would be sniggering and commenting on it, but regardless, there was no denying that although Loki was and always had been 'different', such a thing merely added to his charisma, individuality and air of mystery.

Suddenly his emerald eyes met hers.....she had been distracted by the earring and now cursed herself under her breath for having been caught looking at him.   
Lowering her eyes hurriedly, she hoped no one standing by her had noticed her sudden flush of colour.   
Forcing a thin smile she hesitantly glanced up again in his direction. His previous smile had disappeared and his expression was blank and unreadable.

A fanfare blasted through the Hall, announcing the impending arrival of the Bride.   
Biting her lip in order to prevent it from trembling, Sif watched as Loki was approached by the chief Elder who was to perform the blessing of the union, and instructed him to turn around.   
Slowly he complied, though he hesitated in order to cast one final, lingering look in her direction.   
She allowed her eyes to connect with his and felt her heart flutter.  
Then he turned away, leaving her gazing at his back. The green cape became a blur as it mingled with the golden sheen of armour. She then realised to her horror that her eyes were suddenly brimming with tears. Lots of people got emotional and cried at weddings, but few wailed and wrung their hands in despair. 

All sound and vision around her became distorted now, she barely heard the music start up. Apparently Ingvi, a relation to Sigyn, had commissioned the finest musicians from Ljossalfheim to play the flute and lyre, but Sif was paying no attention to such trifling matters.

Nausea overwhelmed her, she suddenly felt hot and had to fight to keep from vomiting.   
She scarcely noticed Sigyn enter the hall, wearing her fussy pink gown, whilst smiling radiantlt, her delicate bridal crown perched above her tiny brow.

Scolding herself, Sif tried making her way as subtly as possible towards the arched open doorway. She had to escape, she needed air desperately. She had been a fool to think she could bear witness to this.   
Muttering her apologies as she wound her way through the throng of people, she had almost reached her destination without causing too much disturbance when suddenly her perception returned as the Elder was reciting the swearing of vows.

She hesitated, pausing just long enough to throw a glance back over her shoulder. Loki stood facing Sigyn, holding her dainty hands, dwarfed in comparison to his own.  
Sif held her breath as Sigyn declared her vows and swore an oath to love, honour and obey Loki.  
He in turn opened his mouth to speak, but hesitated slightly. Surely Loki wasn't suffering with an attack of nerves!?  
He cleared his throat and forced a broad smile that did not meet his eyes. He began to speak, when suddenly Sif caught his eye once more, causing him to falter a second time.

Numerous onlookers began muttering and some followed Loki's eye-line, causing a slight stirring amongst the guests.   
Flinching at the unwanted attention, Sif hurriedly left the hall and broke into a run down the long corridor.  
She fled passed several servants and startled guards, but was at least grateful for the fact that the palace was in silence and otherwise deserted due to the wedding. 

She made it out into the gardens just in time before she retched violently and vomited.  
For once she was thankful for having not eaten, so it wasn't so bad.  
She stumbled forward a few more paces, throat stinging, face burning, then collapsed onto her knees helplessly, in floods of tears.


	14. Praying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Disruption breaks out in the palace, and a panic-stricken Sif is forced to seek answers from the one person she can think of who can provide insight.

As Sif sat alone in the gardens, hot tears of regret and heartbreak staining her cheeks, she was suddenly aware of the sound of guards shouting within the palace. Their heavy footsteps thundering in unison along the hallways was enough to distract her from her state of self-pity. 

Wearily she rose to her feet and headed back inside, curious as to what all the sudden noise and activity warranted.  
Confused at the level of apparent urgency; guards rushed around her with swords drawn as if preparing for an invasion, she began searching frantically for someone who could explain the cause of the sudden commotion.

She hurriedly turned a corner and fortunately caught sight of Thor's red cape and blonde hair up ahead.   
The hallways were teeming now with guards along with members of the Aesir who had previously been assembled in the Great Hall.

Calling out to the Thunder God, she fought her way along the bustling corridor.   
Thor acknowledged her with a nod of the head, but did not speak or stop. His expression was grim indeed.   
Sif managed to catch up with him, but had to keep up with his quick, purposeful strides,  
"Thor, what is happening?Are we under attack?!"

Thor took a deep breath, and shook his head gravely,  
"No, but please do not worry yourself Sif..this matter does not concern you."

Sif frowned, instantly affronted. Why would he say such a thing?  
She was about to demand answers when he turned to her abruptly, eyes pleading,  
"Please, you must remain here whilst I attend to this, there isn't time to explain further and if you.."   
He fell silent, as though trying to choose his next words carefully.   
After an agonizing pause, he finally completed his sentence,  
"..if you..care for Loki at all then you must remain here and let me attend to the situation-"

"Loki!"   
Sif cried, her voice sounding so shrill she barely recognized it as her own,  
"What of Loki? Thor, what has happened?!"

"Do you care for him at all, or not?!"   
Thor suddenly bellowed, startling her into silence and causing panic to stir within her gut.

Was that a trick question? Why would he be seeking some form of confession from her right now? Clearly something had happened. Thankfully, Thor wasn't actually awaiting her response at all,

"If you truly have his best interests at heart, then you need to let me get on!"   
He continued firmly, then without another word he quickened his pace further and marched purposefully away, leaving her bewildered.

**********************

Her heart was hammering and her chest was tight, causing her to struggle for ragged gasps of air by the time she reached the derelict rainbow bridge.   
She hadn't paused for thought or breath since leaving the palace once she'd realised the only person who could provide her with satisfactory answers was Heimdall, she'd raced as fast as her legs would allow. Which had been a challenge for her weak, undernourished body.

The Gate Keeper stood facing away from her, but obviously sensed her approaching. His dull-set tones rumbling to her ears before she'd uttered a word,  
"I warned you did I not Lady Sif?"

Gasping for a proper intake of breath, Sif halted in her tracks. 

Slowly Heimdall turned around to face her; his expression was dark but he appeared more concerned than angry, which provided her a little light relief.   
She wasn't sure she possessed the patience at present to endure more interrogation from him, however well intended.

"H-Heimdall, I seek an explanation that is all.."   
Her breathing was still heavy, hampering her ability to speak.

Heimdall stared intensely at her, his heavy brow furrowing further still,  
"That may be so my Lady....but once I provide you with the answers you seek, you will be sure to stray further down this destructive path."

Sif sighed heavily, pausing in order to allow her breathing to steady.   
She surveyed the guardian's open and honest face.....stark contrast to Loki's.

"Heimdall, I know you speak with my best intentions at heart.."   
She managed at last,  
"..but I cannot fight against my own. One must follow one's heart, wherever it may lead."

Heimdall stared deep into her eyes, searching her soul, and when he responded his voice was imploring,  
"Even to disaster?"

Swallowing hard, Sif kept her gaze steady in defiance,  
"Even to Helheim itself!"

For a moment they stood staring back at each other, each of them determined to stand their ground.   
Eventually though Heimdall realised he would not succeed in breaking Sif's will and reluctantly admitted defeat,  
"The Trickster has vanished...along with his bride."   
He announced finally.

Sif's frown deepened in confusion,  
"Vanished, how could that be? He has no power-"   
She fell silent as it suddenly dawned on her that Heimdall had argued that point with her before.

"No, he has none of his own...but I've realised now there are other forces at work here. The Lady Sigyn must be playing a part in this."

Bristling slightly even just at the mention of her name, Sif found it difficult to disguise her disbelief in the suggestion that an innocent, frail looking specimen such as Sigyn was capable of such sorcery. 

Then another thought came to her and as tasteless as the notion was to Sif, it didn't make it unreasonable.   
Though she struggled to say the words aloud,  
"So what of it really..if she is a mistress of magic, perhaps she wants time alone with her..."   
She faltered, unable to use the term 'husband' when referring to Loki. The word somehow seemed to catch in her throat,  
"..well, with him..they are newly wedded. It is understandable for them to want privacy."

Not that she was defending Sigyn, even the thought of this possible explanation caused her further envy... but it seemed to Sif a perfectly natural desire.   
And for a split second she found her mind wandering to thoughts of what she herself would want in that situation...thoughts best kept to herself, as indeed being away from prying eyes would be an absolute necessity.   
The very notion of being wedded - and alone - with Loki made her pulse quicken and her cheeks coloured under Heimdall's scrutinising gaze.   
She found herself hoping to the Norns that Heimdall wasn't somehow capable of reading thoughts as well. 

Just then he spoke, shattering her thoughts,  
"Perhaps so, but Loki is well aware of the conditions imposed upon him in order for him being permitted to remain in Asgard. He is forbidden to leave the palace grounds. Coupled also with the fact that he and Sigyn...are not yet married."

Not.Yet.Married.

The words hit Sif like cold water, bringing instant shock and causing her previously heavy heart to somersault in chest.

"They....they're not yet married?.."   
She stammered, mind and heart both racing.

Heimdall looked downwards, a sombre look now visible in his liquid, amber eyes,  
"No they are not. Loki did not repeat the sacred vows as spoken by the Elder Chieftain, thus resulting in the union not being officially blessed and therefore invalid."

Sif's mouth fell open.   
Loki was not married. He had refused to continue with the ceremony. 

Asgard was one of the few realms throughout the Nine Worlds that practised the ancient wedding tradition of swearing your oaths at the beginning of the ceremony, and even this did not finalise the union until the end when the couple's union was officially blessed by the Elder Chieftain.

"Did he not give any explanation for his actions?"   
Sif asked, her stomach flipping.

"None. He merely muttered an incoherent apology to Queen Frigga then he fled the hall with his spurned bride in pursuit-"

"Didn't the guards attempt to stop him?"   
Sif interrupted.

Heimdall shook his head slowly,  
"That order was not given by Odin, I believe Lady Frigga had some involvement in that."

Sif's eyes bugged, but she could not keep a smile from tugging at the corners of her lips. Frigga.....so wise, so caring.

"However.."   
Heimdall continued gravely,  
"..the Guards have now been dispatched in order to apprehend the couple, I have reason to believe that they are fleeing to another realm. Possibly Sigyn's native realm of Vanaheim."

"But how can that be?"   
Sif demanded, for it was common knowledge that without the Bifrost, no one could leave the realm without the Allfather's assistance. 

And clearly he would not assist Loki in fleeing to another world.

"In both realms of the light and dark Elves, as well as Jotunheim, Loki is known as The Sky Traveler..."   
Heimdall's voice was low and compelling,  
"..at first I assumed this to be due to Freya's falcon cloak-"

"Why yes, Loki has borrowed that cloak several times in the past to fly to Jotunheim and-"

"But no other has the ability to fly with that feathered cloak!"   
Heimdall cut in abruptly,

"As a master of magic, we presumed he used it to enchant the cloak, thus enabling it's wearer to take flight...but since then I've realised the cloak was merely a ruse, he had the ability to transport himself from realm to realm without it. Not only can he change form to that of a bird, not many know he is also in possession of a pair of enchanted boots. He refers to them as his 'sky shoes' and with those he can walk through the air. Furthermore he knows of other pathways beyond Asgard, that I myself am unable to see!"

Sif stared at the Gatekeeper, open-mouthed as she struggled to take in all this new and startling information.   
Nervousness crept over her, as she was forced to admit that there was still much about the trickster God that she didn't know. And if Heimdall himself was still learning, what chance did she ever have?

"So, Loki has used the magical footwear to escape? But why now, when he could have left before?"   
Sif spoke her thoughts aloud.

But the ever-wise Heimdall shook his head,  
"Odin confiscated the boots when he extracted Loki's powers.....and to slip through the unknown gateways to another realm, magic is required."

Sif's frown deepened further, as a possible explanation began to form in her mind,  
"Sigyn?..You said you suspect she has a part to play in this. If she possesses power in her own right, then she could assist Loki in escaping to another dimension!"

Heimdall did not nod his head in agreement, but his words confirmed his belief in the theory,  
"She is not what she appears to be and like the secret gateways, I was unable to detect the hidden forces at work."

"That explains why she would flee with Loki, otherwise why would a spurned bride leave willingly with their intended groom?"  
She paused again, mind whirring as she attempted to make sense of it all,  
"Clearly all is not as it seems, she must have contrived a plan with Loki."

A million thoughts were now running through her head, colliding with each other and filling her with panic and dread.   
What in the Nine Worlds was Loki up to? Whatever his latest scheme was, it couldn't possibly be good.   
If his previous escapades were anything to go by, the outcome would no doubt end in utter disaster.

Sif automatically turned to look back towards Asgard's gleaming spires, eyes scanning the vast realm, from the palace and the surrounding kingdom; the town and many villages, to the luscious meadows and sprawling wilderness that lay beyond,  
"How can I find these gateways? Heimdall, if you sense that they are headed for Vanaheim, then can you not locate the path which they are to take?"

Heimdall was hesitant in his response and only when Sif turned towards him with pleading, tearful eyes did he reluctantly venture a reply,  
"I fear I cannot locate these hidden gateways...If it were in my power to do so I would have informed our King, as it is my sworn duty to protect this realm."

Sif's heart sank, frustration rising within her. Feelings of helplessness were becoming all too familiar and she detested it.   
As a warrior, accepting defeat went against everything she believed in and had ever trained for. It was instilled in her nature to rise up against adversity. She was no stranger to soldiering on through calamitous events despite the odds.

"There must be something which can be done, I refuse to give up on him now when he can still be saved from further destruction!"

Heimdall stared back at her stony faced, clearly unmoved in spite of her passion,  
"The only thing you can do now my Lady, is pray."

"Pray!?"  
She repeated, scowling at him angrily,  
"We are Asgardians not mortals. To whom are we meant to pray? Our people of this eternal realm are governed by no higher beings or power, we're merely at the mercy of our own destiny.....who would hear our prayers?"

"The Aesir have the ability to hear others if we are addressed directly... whatever other skills or powers we possess as individuals, the power to hear a heartfelt plea is the one gift we all share. No other race has this and that is why the humans worship us as deities and call upon us in what they call prayer."   
Heimdall explained,  
"Though we are not accustomed to practising such a method amongst ourselves, that does not mean it isn't possible to communicate with our own kind in such a way...it is said that if one has enough faith and speaks from the heart, prayers will be heard.."  
He fell silent and gazed deeply into her red-rimmed eyes, his own filled with what Sif could only interpret as apprehension,  
"....however you must bear in mind.."   
He warned,   
"..that although prayers may be heard....they are not always answered."

Swallowing hard as she digested this added revelation, she nodded and thanked the wise Gatekeeper, before hastily bidding him farewell.

As she made her way back across the rainbow bridge, she was struck with the memory of Thor appealing to Loki on Midgard when the Destroyer had been sent forth to destroy them.   
He had done this as though speaking his thoughts aloud and he had been heard; therefore his words must have been true and from the heart..he pleaded with Loki to cease the destruction and he had been heard...he had prayed.

Taking a deep breath she halted and closed her eyes,  
"Loki...Loki, please.."  
She muttered and found herself placing a hand upon her chest.   
She could feel her heart pounding and focused, blocking out the sound of the rolling waves far beneath the Bifrost until all she could hear was her own heartbeat,  
"..Loki, if you hear me, please you must return...I need you to return. If you have ever cared for me in the slightest at all...then you must...for me..I need you."


	15. A Secret Gateway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Further shocks are in store for Sif as Loki responds to her heartfelt plea, and she takes drastic action in an attempt to prevent him from making things worse for himself.

Sif continued on her way across the Bifrost, not sure exactly where to go or what to do next. 

She dawdled back into the town, heading towards the Palace, though she was in no great rush to return. She imagined Balder and Fandral gossiping about Loki's latest stunt, and they'd no doubt be gloating about having been right about his inability to behave.

In the Town Square crowds of people who had gathered earlier to join in the festivities to celebrate the younger Prince's marriage, were now loitering around. They too were furiously amongst themselves, and curiously looking-on as Palace Guards rushed back and forth through the streets.   
She felt flustered as she passed by and they turned to stare at her. She was still wearing her formal gown which made her feel extremely self-conscious.

Her attention was however distracted when she noticed, much to her alarm, six very distinctive looking warriors enter the Square through the Eastern archway. These were no ordinary warriors or guards; all in Asgard knew these legendary soldiers as the Einherjar, Odin's personal army, comprised of the most elite fighters who were once dead. The winged warrior maidens known as the Valkyries were responsible for selecting each of them and transporting their souls to Valhalla, where Odin bestowed upon them the honour of resurrection and immortality in the Realm Eternal.

She tried to avert her eyes, but it was difficult not to stare at their battle-scarred appearance; their armour was indeed as worn and beaten up as their bodies. Some were missing hands, others eyes and even arms. Their presence was as oppressive as it was ghastly. 

Swiftly she hurried on, stomach contorting with fear. But not for herself....for Loki.  
Those ghouls, though loyal to the Allfather, exuded a blood-lust that made the hair on the back of her neck prickle.   
With no powers Loki stood little chance against this formidable brood...with or without Sigyn and whatever potential 'powers' she may or may not have, they would be ridiculously out-numbered and would not succeed in combat against them.

Then out of nowhere she heard a male voice, though barely audible it seemed so close to hear ear that it startled her, causing her to physically jump.   
She glanced over her shoulder, obviously no one was in close proximity, but it came again and this time louder. She halted abruptly, though it seemed no more than a distant whisper, yet it still carried above the chattering and footsteps in the Square;

"Sif...you must go to the West side of the Party Hall, around the back, be sure you're not followed...wait for me there!"

Spinning around, her breath caught in her throat. The voice was unmistakably Loki's. He had heard her plea, and answered!

Without hesitation she tore her way through the town centre, towards the Palace and in the direction of Thor's own private Hall, Bilskirnir.

As Odin's own Hall Valhalla stood within the vast Palace grounds to the North, Bilskirnir had been built to the South. Whilst Valhalla housed the Valkyries and Einherjar alike; though in separate wings, Thor chose to use his Hall as a venue for feasting and celebrating battle victories. Loki had often teased Thor for not taking up residence in the glorious building and had taken to referring to it merely as 'Party Hall' just to irritate the Thunderer.

Nervously she slipped around the corner of the building, peering back one last time to be certain no one had followed her.   
Unable to stand still due to nervous anxiety, she paced back and forth, cursing the dainty sandals she was wearing for making her feet sore and longing for her boots after all the running she had done. 

Time passed, the moments feeling like hours. 

Somewhere overhead a raven let out a screech, startling her, so she cursed that too. And then she cursed herself for being reduced to such a nervous, quivering wreck.

After what felt like an eternity, though was probably no longer than ten minutes, she noticed a sudden drop in temperature. It was Midsummers day; the sun was still shining, bathing her in its warm rays, so the chill was inexplicable. Curiously, Sif wandered a little further away and noted the way the air there was warm and humid as it should be.   
Wandering further still, she found that even in the shadow of the Hall, the air was still warmer than over by the corner.

Her confusion was soon sated, as she witnessed the air around the cold spot beginning to ripple like the surface of a pond that had been skimmed by a stone...it had to be him, she told herself. This had to be one of the secret gateways. Her eyes widened in undisguised wonder as the sky itself appeared to split open, parting to reveal a shaft of bright, shimmering light.   
As it widened, revealing what looked like the funnel of a tornado twisting downwards, she raised an arm to shield her eyes from the blinding light and gusts of wind.

In an instant, the light and wind dispersed as though it had never occurred and her blinking eyes met with the familiar, though in this instance shimmering, figure of Loki...

Struggling to hold back the tears which threatened to spill due to the sight of him, an immense relief washed over her.   
Likewise she fought the desire to pull him into her arms and embrace him, but her stubborn pride, along with his fierce expression prevented her.

"You called to me..it's been a long time since I heard prayers....and I was never called upon that often to begin with, unlike the mighty Thor and Odin."  
He spoke softly, his tone distinguishably at odds with the anguished look he wore.

"Thank you for.....answering."   
Sif replied, ignoring the comment about Odin and Thor. Now was not the time to start bickering.

Loki raised a pointed eyebrow and gazed at her expectantly,  
"Well?....What am I so needed for, Lady Sif?"

Sif glared at him, almost blind with sudden rage that made it difficult to form the words she wanted to,  
"Well, you had to return, you were shown great leniency by the Allfather, he allowed you to remain in the palace and yet you repay him by absconding with your Vanaheim maid whom you spurned at the alter."

Paying little attention to her raised voice and seemingly oblivious to the violence in her glare, Loki wandered towards her slowly, his own expression now softening,  
"He only allowed me to remain here under strict conditions, I cannot live my life according to those restrictions which have been imposed upon me...I have to leave."

"So the wicked Loki evades justice once more, and then what shall you do exactly? You no doubt already have some ill thought-out scheme which will only backfire, causing yet more destruction and with it your impending doom!"   
Sif ranted indignantly,  
"You could have been banished or sentenced to death if the masses had their say, but Odin showed you mercy-"

"Because of you, he showed me mercy!"   
Loki snapped, his eyes suddenly changing, taking on that glacial, marble appearance which she disliked so much, and it rendered her silent.  
"Why are you still insistent on being my salvation? All you have done is cause further aggravation....it is thanks to you that I was betrothed to Sigyn of Vanaheim, whom I cannot marry, so I have no choice other than to escape whilst I still can!"

His words cut through her like a blade, wounding her more deeply than she had ever felt before by just mere words. His flippantness and blatant lack of appreciation for all she had sacrificed for him made her blood boil. A red mist descended before her eyes and she found herself charging towards him.

Whether or not it was the unexpectedness that kept Loki from avoiding her, she did not know. She half expected his shimmering form; which seemed to radiate a magical glow, to be one of his astral projections. But as her hands met with his leather-clad chest it became apparent that he was in fact solid and very real.

Shoving him hard with all her strength, he reeled backwards barely remaining on his feet.

"Liar!"   
She screamed, her voice penetrating the air, causing the birds in the nearby trees to scatter at the anguished sound,  
"If you did not want Sigyn you would not be eloping with her, you are a liar!"

Maintaining his balance Loki lifted his hands, as though feigning surrender,  
"It is no lie, I do not want her, the reason I am leaving is so that I do not have to wed her-"

"I do not believe you, sly one!"  
Sif cried, lunging at him again, this time she took a swipe at him with the back of her right hand. 

It connected with his right cheekbone and he staggered back under the force of it.

"You've been fraternising with the witch all along, planning your escape...don't deny that she is aiding you! Your claim of not wanting to marry her is nothing but a feeble excuse."  
She fell silent whilst Loki regained his footing and composure.

Beneath his right eye there was now a visible cut. He lifted his fingers and touched it, wincing slightly.  
She glanced down at the solitaire ring on her right hand and felt a slight twinge of guilt.

"You are wrong, the reason I give is not an excuse.."   
Loki was now saying, staring at her hard,  
"..though admittedly she is the one making my escape possible."

Anger still coursed through her veins, and as much as Sif did not like being stared at with eyes of marbled glass, she strode towards him purposefully. Intent on lashing out at him again. 

This time however he caught hold of both her wrists, pulling her into him.  
"Will you desist woman!"   
He growled, as she continued trying to writhe from his grip.

All at once the atmosphere dropped to an icy chill and the blinding brightness returned. 

Sif looked passed Loki to see the swirling, cyclone funnel again behind him. She ceased struggling against him, and his grip loosened, dropping her wrists. He was going to leave...

Without hesitation, she reached up and wrapped her arms around the back of his neck just as the rapid, inward circulation of air masses pulled him - and her - backwards, sucking them both into the void.  
Unlike transporting via the Bifrost, this tear in time and space rendered Sif completely breathless.   
Closing her eyes against whipping wind, she clung to Loki and in return felt his arms tightening around her protectively. 

The feeling of nothing, of being suspended in mid-air with no up or down, seemed to last an eternity.  
Until suddenly the sensation of falling was overwhelming, her lungs were filled with pain as she fought to take a much needed gasp of air.   
But her body was plunging so fast she could barely open her mouth. Her insides turned somersaults, beneath her she could feel Loki's body, and in the next instant she crashed into it hard.

They collided with something solid, landing with such force that Loki's body bounced, despite the firmness, jolting Sif's neck with the impact.   
Loki let out a shriek of pain, but she was too breathless to make a sound or utter a word.  
Gasping, she sucked in great breaths of air, and though in shock, managed to roll from on top of Loki, enabling his chest to heave; coughing as he inhaled loudly. 

Neither of them were able to speak or move for a moment, they just lay side by side, flat on their backs on the hard ground. The only noise was that of their ragged breathing.  
Sif hadn't even bothered yet to take in her surroundings, right now she felt too nauseas, her entire body ached and her neck was tender from the landing.

Just then a voice she barely recognised cut through the silence, startling her,  
"Lopt, what in the name of Hela is she doing here?!"

Sitting bolt up-straight Sif gaped in astonishment when she saw the speaker standing over Loki's immobile body.  
Instantly she recognised the swathes of thick, golden hair, deep red lips, lean figure; scantily clad in the most elaborate, tight-fitting material which exposed the snow-white skin of her midriff. Only one woman dressed this way.....Amora....and she was speaking with Sigyn's voice.

Srambling to her feet, and subconsciously dusting away dirt from her gown, Sif turned to face the Enchantress,  
"You...you were Sigyn all along?" 

"I'm a woman of many talents Sif.....and who better to help a loved one in need."   
Amora quipped, her gaze now falling on Loki, who had rolled over onto his knees.

"But what of the real Sigyn? Has she fallen victim to your sinister dealings, you miscreants?" 

"She is unharmed and never left Njord's castle. Thor struck a bargain with her father on behalf of Odin, and then I intervened at Loki's behest. I merely persuaded the Vanir royals to await further word from Asgard and then proceeded to meet with the gullible Thunderer in the princess' place."   
Amora's flinty eyes glinted wickedly, her lips twisting into an almost demonic looking smile. 

"Do you have any conception of the shame such deviousness and deceit will bring upon the house of Odin?"  
Sif shouted at Loki, who was now limping precariously to his feet. 

Amora rolled her eyes,   
"This is none of your business Sif. I strongly urge you to stay out of our affairs. I advised the sly one to ignore your pathetic plea, but he did not listen. Stubborn fool that he is." 

Fist curling into a ball, Sif's thumb felt the ring that had cut Loki's face and momentarily contemplated splitting Amora's lusciously, plump lips with it. 

Luckily for Amora though, Loki now appeared at Sif's side; standing close enough for their shoulders to touch,  
"I did not intend to bring her with me here..."   
He spoke sternly to the sorceress,   
"...but regardless, she is here, so you will not harm her...understand?"

He addressed her in the same manner one might give an unruly pet dog a command, though Amora was more like a rabid wolf; eyeing Sif as though she were a prime-cut piece of steak.

In spite of this Sif scowled at him, indignant at the implication of her being harmed by Amora.   
Whatever powers the enchantress possessed, she could not match Sif's prowess on the battlefield.   
Automatically her hand fell down to her waist, to clutch the hilt of her sword where it usually hung, but....damn - of course she did not have it. She wasn't even dressed in armour.

Extremely irritated Sif shot Loki a look of pure contempt,  
"Why have you done this? Are you aware of how much danger you are in? The Einherjar have been dispatched to apprehend you, as have the Valkyries. What were you thinking Loki? What are you hoping to achieve by this madness?" 

Loki, whose pale complexion seemed to pale further now, making his skin appear almost translucent, did not respond.

"He merely wishes to avoid becoming a husband to the wrong woman.."  
Amora supplied, smiling with a sickening level of self-satisfaction,  
"..you yourself Lady Sif are responsible for his betrothal to a woman he does not yet know, let alone care for. Surely you cannot expect a Prince of Asgard to marry a stranger.....especially when his heart belongs to another."

"Shut up!"   
Loki snapped, his eyes bored into his accomplice; a clear look of warning in them,  
"I am going to the Kingdom of the Vanir. There I shall speak with their ruler, Njord. I refuse to become Odin's bargaining tool yet again. I am neither a relic nor a puppet to be used to form alliances or peace treaties." 

With that he strode purposefully away and for the first time Sif was suddenly aware of her surroundings.   
The landscape was vast; rolling fields and meadows gave way to hills and mountains in the distance, as far as the eye could see. The climate was quite warm, but the sun appeared hidden behind clouds and a brisk breeze blowing from the east made it rather chilly. This was most definitely Vanaheim.

"Lopt, I shall send her back through the world gate."   
Amora called out to Loki, who promptly halted and turned to stare at her, then Sif.

"You shall do no such thing witch!"   
Sif exclaimed angrily, preparing to take Amora on, fighting with her bare hands if she had to.

Loki reluctantly headed back towards them, his face serious,  
"Sif, this may well be dangerous.....you should go back now whilst you still can-"

"Since when have you ever known me to shy away from danger?"   
Sif interjected defiantly.

Loki hesitated, a slight smile playing about his lips,  
"Never, that is true. But I'm sure the ever wise Heimdall must have warned you against..."  
He faltered slightly, seemingly reluctant to say the word 'Me'  
"..well, I'm sure he has given you some form of warning in relation to....to, myself."

Sif bit her lip nervously, but her response was determined,  
"I make my own choices in this life Loki and at this moment I only have two, either you come back to Asgard with me now or I'm coming with you...but leaving here alone is not an option I'll consider."

Loki stared at her in disbelief, the surprise at her words clearly visible on his face.   
As if speechless he gave her a nod to indicate his willingness to allow her to accompany him on his journey.   
Despite the strange and difficult situation, Sif found herself smiling at the mischievous one.   
His eyes locked with her's and he returned the gesture with a wry smile of his own.

Amora on the other hand was not smiling. Her face was now a mask of contorted rage and her honeyed tones had turned high-pitched and shrill,  
"If she goes then I do not!"   
She declared, fury raging in her flinty stare,  
"And without me Lopt you will remain stranded here in this world, you need me!"

Loki's smile vanished, his teeth clenching agitation,  
"I grow weary of your tantrums Amora, do not attempt to bully me with your empty threats!"

Amora let out an ear-piercing shriek that made Sif's blood run cold,  
"It is more than a threat, you sentimental Asgardian fool.....it is a promise!"

Nonchalantly Loki raised a hand to his temple and flinched in discomfort,  
"Good, I am glad it's a promise, your constant whining makes my head hurt. I am glad to be rid of you......Go!"

"I shall have my revenge Lopt. You will regret this!"  
Amora hissed venomously, before vanishing from sight, leaving the pair alone.


	16. Forbidden Temptation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki begins to open up to Sif, although she resists the urge to question him outright about recent events. She attempts to decipher some of his cryptic remarks, but soon finds herself distracted by his irresistible charms.

Sif's mind was reeling more than ever as she and the troubled Prince carefully picked their way across the terrain of Vanaheim. 

There were many things she longed to ask him, but in spite of her growing curiosity and need for answers she somehow managed to remain patient...for the time being.

The silence between them made her feel awkward to say the least, but Loki appeared to be nonchalant and lost in his own thoughts.   
The only time he spoke was to voice his opinion on her inappropriate attire, specifically her footwear. Sif responded accordingly by shooting him a fierce glare and reminded him that her clothing had been intended for a wedding, not an impromptu expedition across an unfamiliar realm.   
Wisely, Loki did not pass any further comment.

 

After crossing numerous meadows they headed towards some nearby wood land as the light was beginning to fade. 

Sif questioned Loki's judgement and challenged his decision on setting up camp in the woods,  
"Surely there will be wolves.....would it not be wiser to remain out in the open?"

Loki waved his hand in a dismissive gesture,  
"I feel safer when surrounded by the trees, in the open you're exposed and vulnerable....there's nowhere to run and no place to hide...."

Sif could understand the logic in his reasoning, but then he added with a crooked smile,  
"..and why should I fear wolves? You're aware of the legends. Am I not father to one?!"

She stopped abruptly at this whilst Loki continued, chuckling heartily as though thoroughly amused by her reaction.

They headed deep into the woods, much to Sif's dismay. Her lack of armour made the situation worse; her bare arms were scratched by stray branches, her gown repeatedly got caught up; snagging on gorse bushes and thorns and her feet were stung by nettles and prickled by sharp twigs.

Upon entering a clearing Loki halted at last. He peered around, his emerald orbs scanning the area intently.  
"This will have to do.."   
He proclaimed,   
".....as much as I have no wish for a dew bed, we have little choice. We've gone as far as we can today, so we must rest here."

Being tired and sore, Sif no longer had any patience and felt the need to vent her frustration on him,  
"But you'd rather a dew bed than a marital bed."   
She quipped scathingly,

Loki, who had already begun busying himself with the task of gathering up wood in order to make a fire, replied curtly,  
"Sleeping out in the elements is just as cold as sharing a bed with someone whom you do not wish to. And marriage is for life.....I have no desire to spend the next few hundred years out in the cold, whether that be a forest or a bedchamber."  
With that he dumped the few branches he'd collected and wandered off into the trees.

Sitting down on a nearby felled tree trunk, Sif pondered over the Trickster's words.   
He clearly felt strongly about not wanting to marry Sigyn. Which confused her because after all, this was Loki. Was he even capable of such an emotion as love?   
Heimdall claimed that he wasn't, and that he had a heart of stone. There was no way she could make any sense of it all.  
She felt almost regretful for scorning Loki, perhaps it was possible to have misjudged him once again. But how would she ever know? His thoughts and feelings were kept hidden, so how would she ever discover the truth?

Returning with armfuls of fallen branches from a grove of stunted oaks, he now set about making a fire. Kneeling, he began ferociously rubbing two sticks together in order to kindle a flame. He did this with such vigour she began to fear he might dislocate a shoulder.   
Even on his knees in the dirt he cut a dashing figure, and the fact that he was still in full regalia, save for his helm, made the scene all the more surreal.

She did not bother to hide her admiration when the smoking sticks sparked, igniting a flame in next to no time at all. She sat watching in wonder as the fire began to grow and before long it was blazing nicely.   
Loki never moved despite the heat, he stared transfixed at the leaping flames. It was almost dark and the fire illuminated his pale face; the flickering reflecting in his eyes.

"That is a good fire Loki"   
She commented at last, eager to break the silence and to show that she was capable of paying him a compliment.

His lips parted slightly and twisted into a crooked smile,  
"It is beautiful isn't it?...Not one of my greatest, granted. But still beautiful nonetheless"

Her brow furrowed slightly and his gleaming eyes shot to her briefly; registering her look of confusion,  
"I was once hailed as the God of Fire, remember? Before my gift was outshone by my penchant for causing mischief. Which led to the loss of my original title long ago."  
Their was a distinctive sad tone in his voice.

"I remember hearing stories, when we were young of your journeys into Midgard and Utgard. The ancient mortals honoured you as such."  
Sif recalled.

Loki snorted, poking at the embers with a long stick that he seemed to have conjured from nowhere,  
"The mortals and their myths, that is all we're known as to them. They once worshipped our race as gods, now they worship their technological devices, celebrities and media. Falling out of favour with their kind troubles me not, as we were no longer popular once the religion of the cross came. But their tall tales which demonised me as an unworthy, effeminate Satan of the North with a weakness for bestiality, both vexes and offends me." 

Sif could not resist letting out a burst of laughter. 

His smile broadened and then he too chuckled,  
"I would however, rather be referred to as the harbinger of destruction than some fool in a jester's costume."

Lowering her gaze to the floor, Sif responded hesitantly,  
"You are destructive by nature though Loki. You are no fool, you're intelligent....but perhaps it is better to be known as a playful prankster than a demon...."  
She raised her eyes and looked across to gauge his reaction,  
"....if you've no desire to spend the rest of your life out in the cold, as you said, then perhaps you ought to be a little less self-destructive. A prankster is far more...lovable."

His eyes snapped to her's and she held his gaze until she felt her face flush hot.   
She tried to convince herself it was the heat from the fire, but hoped he had not noticed.

Thankfully to her relief he spoke again, shattering whatever it was that seemed to silently pass between them,

"Lovable prankster I am not.."   
He mused, his jaw setting hard,  
"..I'm a destroyer, who spawns monstrous children."

Sif rolled her eyes at him,  
"Surely you pay little attention to the tales the mortals told of you. Everyone knows that you aren't really father to some brood of monsters-"

"Perhaps not, but that is only due to all in Asgard knowing that I've never disappeared into the wilderness for several months and come back pregnant!"  
He pointed out, interrupting her mid-sentence,  
"If it wasn't for the fact that it's a physical impossibility the Aesir would probably believe it. I've always been rejected by the people, they have never accepted me so they will always think ill of me."

Slowly she rose from her position on the tree trunk and headed closer to the fire, where she sat down,  
"It matters not what the people may think Loki, it's those closest to you that matter and they know the truth."

Following her lead, he now moved from his kneeling position and sat; elbows resting on his knees, his face cupped in his hands,  
"There is no one close to me. And although I never coupled with the mistress of the Iron Wood and fathered her offspring, Heimdall would be more than happy to have people believe that I did. He sought to blacken my name from the start because he sensed I didn't belong among the Aesir. He knew I was different, that I am a monster myself, but as he was sworn to secrecy by Odin he isolated me by fabricating wild tales about me instead!"

Sif gaped at him, eyes wide in disbelief.   
Could it be possible that he was actually opening up to her and for once and speaking honestly with no ulterior motive?

"The Mistress of the Ironwood?"   
she repeated quizzically, hoping he would elaborate further without her having to ask. She did not want to push him for explanations in case he clammed up again.

"I did not know she was a Priestess of the Ironwood when I pursued her.."   
He continued quietly,  
"..llI courted her for some time until I discovered the truth, although I'd heard tales of Gulveig the hag who ruled that place, my Angrboda was fair in looks and character, so I never had reason to suspect they were one and the same."

Angrboda. The name resounded in her ears.   
Her memory flitted back to the Gatekeeper's words;   
"Loki has had lovers.." 

She swallowed hard.  
"So you were not lovers then?"  
She ventured somewhat apprehensively.

Loki's nostrils flared in indignation and he visibly shuddered, which looked rather comical,  
"Thank the Norns it never went as far as that and I discovered the truth in time.."  
His expression suddenly softened, and he tilted his head to one side as though recalling something in his memory,  
"...although as a result of her dark sorcery she created several formidable creatures. One of which I became very fond of, his name was Fenrir."

"The-the Fenris wolf?"   
She stammered incredulously, the shock plainly visible in her voice and expression.

He nodded slowly, his face and eyes filled with pure sorrow, which created an ache deep within the cavity of her chest.  
"He was just a pup when I found him and he became loyal to me. I was much younger then myself so I was naïve. It mattered little to me that he was already the size of a pony at just three months old.."  
He let out a small laugh, though his eyes now shimmered with tears that threatened to spill at any moment,  
"....despite his size he was harmless, but others feared him because he was different....much like myself. Anyhow, this eventually led to him being bound and he remains in those fetters to this day, though I know not where."

Forcing down the lump that had formed in her throat, Sif struggled to find any words of comfort.   
Once more her natural instinct was to embrace him, but a conflict was raging inside her. A battle between her head and heart. She longed to believe his words, but couldn't help being wary. She was still struggling to accept his openness and sudden willingness to spill his innermost thoughts and....feelings.

"So this is also why I am a force of chaos and why I remain close to no one.."   
He was saying now, his voice sounding strained, dangerously close to breaking with emotion,  
"....I am a monster, no one would ever love me unless they were a monster themselves and even then I would only end up bringing harm to them. It is in my nature. So I am best left alone-"

"That is not true Loki!"   
She burst out, startling him into silence,  
"You need to stop thinking this way, you are not a monster and you have the right to be loved just as anyone else!"

He turned and looked at her dejectedly,  
"I've become accustomed to standing alone...love is a lie, borne from childish need-"

"Your words are bitter Loki.."   
She interrupted again,  
"..and bitterness will grow and fester within you, it is a wasted emotion, love is not."

"To love a fickle woman is like trying to sail a ship without a rudder in a storm.."   
He mused, pondering a moment before adding with a smirk,  
"...or hunting reindeer over slippery rocks with a pulled hamstring!"

But Sif would not be deterred. She continued to plough on relentlessly whilst she had the chance. An opportunity to converse so intimately with him would probably never arise again. She had to try and appeal to his brittle heart.

"Not all women are fickle Loki. You speak so knowingly of love yet you cannot have been truly loved otherwise you wouldn't speak so."

"If I have been loved, then it has been unrequited..."   
He quipped,  
"...but I do know what it is to be fettered and ache with love-longing for another."

With that he abruptly rose, turning his face away.   
For a moment she thought that perhaps he had heard something in the forest, but after standing still as stone for several minutes he finally broke from his silent stance. In one swift motion he removed his olive green cape and strode to where she sat. Her eyes blinked in surprise as he draped it loosely around her shoulders and she found herself briefly wondering if he was actively trying to avoid making contact with her skin.

"Perhaps you can use that as a blanket or fold it under your head as a pillow..."   
He suggested, never once looking her in the face,  
"...you ought to sleep, there are still many miles to cover tomorrow."

That was it. His heavy-handed hint, that was less than subtle. He no longer wished to talk.  
But she wasn't about to give in just yet. She never had been one for following orders when her instincts pulled her in the opposite direction,  
"You no longer have to stand alone Loki, am I not here with you now?"

Loki slumped back down onto the ground, pulling his knees up to his chest in a child-like manner,  
"You did not intend to come here with me-"

"But I could have left yet I chose to remain here, with you.."   
Her tone was desperate, though she wasn't sure why.  
Perhaps she was hoping that he'd realise that she had faith in him and believed that he was worthy of being cared for and loved. 

But in classic Loki fashion, he responded negatively,  
"It is generous of you to keep your future brother-in-law company in his exile, though no doubt your husband-to-be will arrive promptly to rescue you from my wicked clutches.."   
He smiled playfully, but she detected a slight scornful tone in his voice,  
"...Heimdall can tell all that I kidnapped you, and that will be believed...it is befitting enough to my character."

Sighing heavily, she lay down defeated. The barrier had come up. He was no longer willing to divulge any of his secrets or thoughts. There was no point in persisting once he started with his dark humour.

 

The ground was uncomfortable but the fire kept her warm. It burnt all night long due to Loki remaining awake.   
She awoke several times to hear the sound of the crackling embers, and peered across to see him sat stoking the flames, keeping vigil. 

She pulled his cloak around her tightly, inhaling his sweet, musky scent. She closed her eyes tightly and imagined that it was him holding her.

********************

Morning came and as soon as daylight broke the darkness she awoke, Loki urging her on as they still had far to travel. 

Her mind continuously replayed the previous night's conversation and although Sif was frustrated at not having asked him about his relationship with Amora, she was feeling increasingly pleased with the way he must have felt comfortable enough to divulge his innermost thoughts to her.   
He'd shown a gentler side when speaking of Fenrir, and confessed to having loved someone.   
Though in typical Loki style he hadn't spoken very clearly; implying that someone loved him but he did not return their feelings, and that he seemed to have once loved another, who did not love him.

 

However somewhat bizarre the situation had been the night before, she could not have predicted how surreal the events that lay ahead were to be.

After crossing a jigsaw of fields, yellow, brown and green in colour, they found themselves in a deep valley. A stream flowed out towards the coast that lay beyond, but upon hearing the sound of crashing water they followed it towards the mountains.   
The stream became a shallow river, which led to a pool of water at the base of a waterfall.

Loki practically threw himself down at the edge, and cupping his hands, began to scoop the clear, crisp water into his mouth.   
Without hesitation Sif readily joined him, gratefully swallowing down the cool liquid.

It was midday and the sun was at its highest point in the sky; blazing down upon them mercilessly.   
Not satisfied with splashing water upon his face, Loki began removing layers of his armour. Sif could not fault him, the metal and leather were decidedly heavy at the best of times, without having to bear its weight in the stifling heat.  
But as he removed one item after another she began to feel a familiar heat rising in her face that was not due to the weather. 

She averted her eyes and concentrated on swilling her flushed face with water, but she couldn't resist slipping a sideways glance in his direction.  
He stood on the river bank, clad in just the thin under-breeches that were popular amongst most Asgardian men, for wearing under thick leather trousers.   
Streaks of water glistened in the sunlight upon his bare chest, and she could barely tear her eyes away from the sight. 

Thankfully, he was oblivious to her longing gaze, as he was still fiddling with the numerous buttons and buckle on his breeches...  
...And then the realisation hit her....he seemed intent on removing the very last item of clothing he was wearing.

With classic timing he suddenly looked up, his eyes meeting her gaze,  
"What?"   
He demanded innocently, pointing towards the frothing pool,  
"I'm going to bathe whilst I have chance..."   
He enunciated slowly as if explaining his actions to a dim-witted child,  
"....this damned heat, it's as hot as Muspelheim. Are you not bathing?"

Hurriedly she returned to dowsing herself with water,  
"I have no need to..."   
She mumbled hastily,  
"..I can wash here...there's no need to..."

Her words trailed off as he suddenly began laughing. He laughed so hard his shoulders shook. 

Her brow knitted together,  
"Why are you laughing? Do not mock me Loki."

He laughed harder still, so much so he was having to wipe tears from his eyes.   
She jumped to her feet, kicked off her sandals and lifting the hem of her gown to her knees, and stepped into the river,  
"I'm not afraid of a little water!"   
She snapped, defensively.

His laughter gradually subsided enough for him to respond,  
"It is not the water you're afraid of though is it?"  
He rasped, smiling wickedly,  
"You are afraid of bathing because I am here!"  
His tone was filled with amusement, mischief dancing in his emerald eyes,  
"Oh dear, the legendary warrior maiden is afraid of bearing a little flesh in order to wash.."   
He taunted, stifling yet another chuckle,  
"..after all you've achieved, battling in the face of adversity and even controversy to prove all those who doubted your ability to become a real warrior...yet now you fear something so trivial."

In spite of not wanting to give him the satisfaction of knowing his words riled her, she could not stop herself from glowering at him.   
Much to her irritation he'd succeeded in wrangling her with his mockery, but she refused to react in the way he probably anticipated.   
Her usually keen instincts and sharp, tactical mind had been hampered of late, but she hadn't completely changed in character. If the sly one intended to trick her into making a fool of herself, he would not succeed; she would not rise to the bait and enter into an exchange of words regarding her apparent bashfulness.   
Being a warrior meant having to be bold....

Forcing her doubts aside, she stepped back onto the riverbank and walked towards the pool, passing by Loki on the opposite side. Halting abruptly, she threw him a long withering look over her shoulder, and before she lost her nerve reached up with trembling fingers to unclasp her gown.

His sniggering instantly ceased and the look of pure astonishment on his face due to her actions made the immense embarrassment she felt worthwhile.   
He baulked at the sight as her gown slid from her body and down to the ground. 

Focusing her eyes ahead, she stepped from the bank of the pool and into the water in a swift motion, feigning confidence she did not feel.  
Wading in further, she did not dare turn back to face him again until she was submerged up to her shoulders.   
She did not have the courage to look him in the eye, but witnessing the usually calm and collected Prince openly gaping at her made her smile with satisfaction.

As she trod water, she distracted herself with the task of washing her tangled hair.   
The spray from the fall hitting the cliffside, made the air around the pool misty and the noise prevented her from hearing clearly....thus enabling the ever stealthy Trickster God to join her in the waters without her realising, until she turned to see him almost beside her.  
She started in surprise, but for once he didn't even seem to notice. 

Clearing his throat, he leaned towards her in order to be heard,  
"Well, should Heimdall turn his gaze upon us now I'm sure this sight would cause his heart to fail."   
He laughed, almost nervously.

"Yes, I have debased myself..."   
She retorted,  
"..you are a negative influence."   
And she splashed him playfully with the water, in an attempt to dispel the tension.

Wiping his dripping face, he shot her a mischievous smile and returned the gesture, making them both burst into laughter.   
She made to repeat the motion a second time, but he made a grab for her.   
Swerving, she managed to escape him but he was moving towards her rapidly now.   
Still laughing like carefree youngsters, she hurriedly swam away as he gave chase until finally he caught up and wrapped an arm around her waist from behind. 

Their laughter dispersed as the moment of childish play-fighting suddenly began to feel far more intimate. He hesitantly released her from his hold, and when she turned to face him his eyes were filled with ravishment, which caused her pulse to quicken.   
The atmosphere was heady and for a moment she thought she might actually swoon, which raged against every warrior trait she had. 

But she was a woman first and he was intoxicating. Whatever she had hoped to prove by her bold act of bathing naked, seemed ridiculous now. She was not naïve enough to believe that this potent situation was going to end innocently.  
He flashed a leering smile which made her almost dizzy with desire, and in that moment she made the decision to give in to his kiss, as he inclined his head towards her. 

The sound of her heart hammering filled her ears, muting even the sound of the waterfall. His face was mere inches away from her own now, so she closed her eyes in anticipation...but the kiss never came...  
Instead he jerked abruptly away, cursing angrily which startled her into opening her eyes.  
And the sight that greeted her filled her with panic rather than embarrassment.  
A group of armed soldiers, wearing armour, lined the water's edge; swords drawn in their direction.


	17. Loki's Punishment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After being captured by the Vanir, Loki takes advantage of the situation by taking the opportunity to speak with their ruler.  
> However, things take an unexpected turn and he is forced to face the consequences of his actions.

The Vanir guards laughed and mocked Loki for having been ambushed by them so easily. 

He had slipped on his usual mask of arrogance for their benefit, but his eyes betrayed the frustration and anger that seethed within him for not having detected their presence.

At sword point, he climbed from the pool wearing nothing but a forced smile, appearing indifferent to their stares and mocking words.

"Now gentlemen please..."   
He remarked casually,  
"..do not let your envy of my manhood cause another war between our realms."

Sif bit her lip, although she didn't find his antagonistic attitude and sarcasm funny under such circumstances, she could not help admiring his ability to feign arrogant indifference.

Having now covered his modesty with his breeches, he proceeded to dress as slowly as possible, just to irritate the soldiers further.   
Their Captain barked at him to hurry, to which he responded with,  
"Now you know you don't mean that, you're enjoying every moment really!"

Having lastly pulled on his boots, though he'd abandoned his one-piece shoulder pauldron due to its weight and the heat, he leapt across to the opposite side of the river bank to retrieve her gown.   
He then handed it to her, stepped a little further away from the edge and turned away to face the Guard's again.  
"You must allow the Lady privacy..."   
He insisted, snatching off his cape, despite only having just put it on, and held each end of it widthways; stretching his arms out to their maximum length,  
".....the first man to cast his gaze in this direction, I'll have your eyeball's cut out and fed to the Allfather's Ravens!"

The guards jeered him but seemed to make a point of averting their eyes, thus allowing Sif to swiftly exit the pool, and hidden behind the Mischievous one and his cape, she slipped her now tattered looking gown back on.

They were both then marched from the falls to where the guards had left their horses grazing in a nearby grove.   
A soldier who was not the Captain spoke gruffly to Loki in a language Sif did not understand; obviously Vanir.   
Turning to her, Loki translated that they were to mount a horse...together.

Before she had time to react, he was up in the saddle of the grey mare that was obviously intended for them.   
She took the hand he offered and climbed up behind him; not bothering to ride side-saddle, she hitched her gown up and coyly held onto his waist...which seemed ridiculous considering she'd exposed her naked rear to him not a half hour ago.

The Vanir-speaking guard approached them, speaking hurriedly and attempting to grab hold of Loki's wrist.   
He snatched his hand away roughly and responded in the same tongue with what sounded like a torrent of abuse.   
The guard seemed to argue for a moment, causing Loki to gesture wildly with his hands; indicating the reins he held.   
At last the guard walked away grumbling,

"Do you believe that arseworm wanted to fetter my hands..."   
Loki explained indignantly,   
"..as if I'd allow that, the foolish quim! How the Hela am I meant to hold the reins with my wrists bound together?"

"I know you have ridden using only your seat and legs before Loki."   
She whispered into his ear.

He whipped his head around to look at her, his dark brows beetling together in confusion,  
"Well luckily they don't know I can...but how do you know of that?"

The memory of him on horseback cantering across the cobbled courtyard came flooding back to her. She recalled the way he'd dropped the reins and proceeded to ride back and forth, steering the horse with only his legs whilst she marvelled at the sight through the long gallery window.

Obviously she was reluctant to admit this to him, so instead she responded vaguely,  
"I now know many of your secrets...sky traveller!"  
She turned away to hide her smile from seeing the look of surprise on his face.

The party headed off presumably in the direction of the city. Two knights on horseback led the way, the others fell into formation behind the horse that she and Loki rode on.   
She contemplated the idea of attempting to escape; but when she whispered her thoughts into his ear he shook his head dismissively.

 

After some time the procession arrived at the city gates.   
A sentry hastily rushed to allow them access; causing a loud metallic clang as the gates swung open hitting the walls.  
Taking in the tremendously high white stone city walls and the buildings of the same colour, Sif stared in wonder at this foreign realm.   
They entered what seemed to be a market square, with brightly coloured tents for stalls, more guards up ahead were now holding back a crowd of curious onlookers.

Up close she noticed that all the locals appeared to be slender and slight in build; none of them were particularly tall and their hair was either blonde or reddish-brown...all of these features were similar to those of Sigyn's, if in fact Sigyn actually looked how she was known to her. It was possible Amora had created the appearance from her own imagination but even if having done so she'd certainly succeeded in modelling her disguise well, based on the people of the realm.

**************************

Following a cobbled road which led out of the town, they at last reached their destination.   
Njord's castle was tall and narrow in structure; built from the same white stone as the rest of the kingdom, but ivy covered the high walls and flowers of all different colours were interspersed with the leaves.

The guards dismounted, conversing between themselves in their own tongue. 

Loki followed suit, then instead of offering his hand to her in the regular, formal manner he reached up gripping her gently by the waist and lowered her to the ground.  
Even the slightest contact from him had an almost electrifying affect on her.   
Being in such close proximity on the horse had been sweet torture, she'd revelled in the closeness but her arms ached for his embrace.   
The effect she felt from his touch had previously alarmed her...but now she longed for it.

Her thoughts were suddenly shattered by four burly guards approaching, voices raised they moved in on Loki and to her dismay they began securing his wrists, though he did not put up any resistance this time.

At sword-point they were then led into the castle itself where they were brought before King Njord, who sat on a large throne made of stone.   
He himself bore a startling stony-faced expression; with wiry dark grey hair and a complexion which almost matched in colour. 

However it was the figure that stood beside him that caught Sif's attention and their presence caused her mouth to drop open with surprise.   
She even heard Loki take a sharp intake of breath as he registered that it was none other than Amora.

Sneering openly at him Amora spoke first,  
"You are slipping Lopt, who would have guessed that one as intelligent as you could be so easily distracted..."   
She paused momentarily and shot a contemptuous look at Sif before adding,  
".....you disappoint me by being so weak and feeble, allowing yourself to be rendered helpless by the mere enticement of feminine charms."

Loki bristled but remained silent. Amora was clearly seeking a reaction and when her words did not have the desired effect she turned to address Sif instead,  
"Your title of 'Lady' Sif is most ironic, given your behaviour.."

Sif's cheeks coloured and she practically had to bite her lip in order to keep from retaliating. 

But Amora was relentless,  
"..it appears that you have the son of Laufey spellbound...though pitifully its merely by the power that lies between your legs!"

Furiously Sif lurched forward but two guards restrained her, she began to struggle but the sound of Loki erupting caused her to freeze.

"Enough of this witch!"   
He roared ferociously, his beautiful eyes now filled with pure rage,   
"I came here to address the King not you, so be silent you poisonous bitch!"

At that Njord stood,  
"This is not the conduct expected of a royal, Prince Loki...I have heard rumours of your black deeds but previously believed you to be of a more courteous nature. I shall give you but one opportunity to explain yourself, so choose your words wisely!"   
He warned menacingly.

Scowling at Amora Loki composed himself, took a deep breath and bowed benevolently to Njord,   
"My apologies your highness, I have come to Vanaheim in order to inform you that I am regrettably unable to accept your fair daughter's hand in marriage."

Sif swallowed hard, beads of sweat now forming on her forehead. She looked on anxiously as Njord registered Loki's shocking declaration.

"Your father, gave me his word-"  
The old King was now saying, but incredulously Loki interrupted him, his velvet voice unfaltering,

"That may be so My Lord, but I did not give you mine..."

The look of disgust on Njord's face was clear for all present to see, and to make matters worse Loki had not yet finished.   
Just as Njord attempted to speak once more, he added coldly and calmly,  
"..and with all due respect Sir, Odin is not my father."

Stifled gasps omitted around the room from all present. Looks of sheer astonishment passed between the guards, causing Sif to fear the worst.

"Never before have I heard such impudence!"   
Njord was exclaiming, his gruff voice rising along with his temper,   
"And you offer no explanation as to why you spurn my daughter so cruelly!"

At that Amora cried out accusingly,   
"It is because of the warrior wench your highness...the sly one forced me into impersonating Princess Sigyn in order to make her jealous, and fool Odin into believing he was willing to comply with his wish to marry your daughter."

For a moment Sif thought her legs might actually buckle beneath her.   
She stared wild-eyed at Loki, awaiting his response with bated breath. She did not trust Amora, surely this revelation was false?

His blank expression was completely unreadable and his unresponsiveness was agonising.   
After a lengthy pause he finally spoke, even daring to smile crookedly as he did so,  
"Your highness...I cannot marry your daughter, as I am not worthy."

That was the final straw for Njord. Amora whispered into his ear and he nodded vigorously before turning to Loki once more,  
"Your arrogance shall not be tolerated, you stand before the king of this realm accused and yet show no remorse nor do you accept any omission of your guilt!"

Sif's eyes were suddenly drawn to Amora's hands which now appeared to be clutching something she could not make out from such a distance.   
She felt panic rising in her chest. 

Njord was still speaking and she scarecely managed to focus on his words,  
"I warned you did I not Prince Loki?...Your deceit shall be punished and your silver tongue will be silenced!"

At that he summoned a guard forward who took the small objects from Amora in his fingers and hurried towards Loki, whilst two other guards descended upon him and wrestled him to the floor. 

Aghast, Sif attempted to break free from the guards who were still holding her, but one of them grasped her around the neck whilst the other held the tip of his sword to her face.

"Sif don't!"   
Loki yelled, his voice straining as numerous guards pinned him down on the stone floor,  
"I can endure whatever tortures they can concoct!"   
He challenged boldly.

She looked on in horror through tear-filled eyes as the other guard advanced upon him, brandishing what Sif could now see was a large, thick darning needle and a length of leather thong. 

She closed her eyes tightly, overwhelmed with the feeling of helplessness and desperately clasped her trembling hands to her ears as the sound of Loki's anguished voiced dissolved into yells of increasingly muffled pain as his lips were barbarically sewn together.

Then another sound filled the room; drowning out the terrible noise. A heart breaking scream that penetrated the air and no doubt was heard for miles around.   
Amidst the trauma, Sif barely realised that it had come from herself.


	18. Crossing The Line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When assistance from an unlikely source comes to their aid, Loki and Sif are able to flee Vanaheim, but as usual all is not as it seems.  
> After finding shelter in the realm they were transported to, the situation leads to an unexpected declaration from Loki, which escalates to beyond the point of no return.

Sif could barely bring herself to open her eyes. She had slumped onto the floor, shaking as she sobbed uncontrollably whilst the two guards still gripped her by the shoulders. 

She dared to steal a quick glance in the direction of the other assailants and saw them disperse leaving Loki's limp form lying on the stone floor.  
Wiping the tears from her eyes she called out to him in desperation, and much to her relief he stirred.

But just then there came a rumble of thunder and a flash of light illuminated the entire room; temporarily blinding all.  
Blinking rapidly She could just about make out a large, red cloaked figure now present in the centre of the hall.  
Her heart soared at the wonderful sight. It was Thor. He had come to their aid.

The guards were clearly panic stricken and whilst some hurried to position themselves around the King in order to protect him, others approached the mighty Thunder God, albeit cautiously and with good reason. His expression was ferocious.

"Stand back if you value your lives!"  
He bellowed, raising his hammer menacingly as a warning.

The guards retreated slightly, allowing Thor to turn and look at Loki who was slowly and somewhat shakily standing. Sif longed to rush over to be by his side and she found herself briefly wondering why Thor was not helping the injured God to his feet.

Turning again he now addressed King Njord;  
"Loki has been punished, now I shall escort him back to Asgard."  
He indicated towards Sif,  
"You will let the Lady Sif go!"

Without hesitation the guards released her from their grasp, allowing her to flee towards her fellow Asgardians.  
"Thor..thank you-"  
She made to touch his arm but he jerked away from her before her hand could make contact. Though slightly baffled, she was more concerned with Loki's well being, so continued towards him hurriedly.  
Forgetting all others in the hall, she reached out to Loki, cupping his slender face in her hands as she surveyed the damage he'd endured. 

Feelings of horror, anger and sorrow swirled within her, making her feel furious, sickened and heartbroken all at once as her eyes took in the sight of the thick strip of leather crudely laced through the trickster's own flesh. She fought hard to swallow back a sob, but she felt her own lips quivering seeing his beautiful, blood stained lips sewn together.  
Whipping her head around she glared at Njord and then Amora,  
"This is barbaric. How dare you be so wicked...You will suffer for this vile act!"  
She screamed angrily, her tone raw and vicious.

"Silence Lady, or we shall keep your fallen Prince prisoner in our dungeons!"  
Njord responded coldly.

"You will do no such thing!"  
Thor interjected swiftly,  
"He has suffered enough at your hands...now we shall leave."

Thor motioned to Loki and Sif to head towards the door, and he lifted the mighty Mjolner above his head once more,  
"If you attempt to stop us, I will unleash all of my power upon you!"

Njord stood as Thor began to head towards the door,  
"That traitor is a wanted war-criminal who has brought shame upon the house of Odin, he should consider himself fortunate that I am merciful enough to let him go.....your empty threats carry no weight here!"

Much to Sif's surprise Thor did not hesitate or pass comment.  
Previously such a remark would have resulted in him losing his temper, which had caused many disasters in the past. 

However her relief was short lived, as when Njord spoke again it was Loki who reacted to the King's slights,  
"Odin was foolish for providing a giant's offspring refuge, and allowing that unwanted spawn to be nurtured by a witch only doubled the chances of disaster!"

Spinning on his heel, Loki turned back to face the assembly, his eyes like blazing pools of lava.  
He reached up despite his wrists still being bound together and began tearing the leather lace from his lips.

"Loki, no!"  
Sif cried in anguish, the thought of such an action and the pain it would cause was unbearable for her. 

Paying no attention to her or the agony he must have felt, Loki seemed blind with rage and therefor gave little or no thought to his actions. Fresh blood oozed, as he pulled the thread loose, ripping it along with his own flesh and skin. 

"Thor, you must stop him!"  
Sif yelled, incredulous at the way the Thunderer stood feebly looking on without any attempt to halt his adopted brother.  
She made a lunge for Loki, grasping his hands tightly in her's but the damage had already been done.

"Spit out your filth you wretch!"  
He roared, his voice rasping in his throat  
"She is no witch, don't you dare insult my mother!"

Sif halted abruptly.  
So Loki's outburst was not due to Njord taunting him for being half- Jotun....he was angry because he was insulting, Frigga.

"Loki, pay no attention.."  
Thor suddenly spoke, with a voice that seemed much softer than his usual tone. 

Loki's head whipped around to stare at him, his expression instantly softening and an unmistakable tenderness visible in his eyes.

"It is her!"  
Amora suddenly screeched, pointing in the direction of Thor,  
"It is the work of the witch Queen!"

At that Thor rushed towards Loki,

"I-I'm sorry Mother.."  
Loki spoke gently, his eyes filled with sadness.

"Do not be, you haven't much time, so use this power wisely whilst you can"

Sif baulked at the sight of Frigga's gentle voice coming from what appeared to be Thor's body, but then the figure passed through into Loki, causing him to visibly shudder and casting a golden glow around him. 

He gasped loudly and closed his eyes.

"Stop him!"  
Amora cried in desperation.

Njord barked orders at the guards to seize Loki but as they ran towards him he vanished into thin air before their very eyes.  
Seizing her opportunity, Sif lashed out at the nearest guard, catching him by surprise in the confusion. Using her elbow she struck him in the face and as he fell, she snatched his sword from him.

"Seize the maiden!"  
Njord ordered, and several guards advanced upon her. 

Brandishing her sword she edged backwards, preparing to strike out at them, when all at once Loki reappeared at her side.  
"Don't be alarmed, this is a cloaking spell."  
He informed her casually, before waving his hand about her and chanting some ancient runic words. 

She noticed that his hands were no longer bound together and instinctively reached for him , at which point she realised she could no longer see her own hands.  
Slightly alarmed, she had to stifle a shriek as she registered that not only was she no longer visible to others, she couldn't even see herself.  
Dropping the sword from her grasp in order to not give her position away, she hurried away just as the guards lashed out at Loki; only to pass straight through him. Or rather an astral projection of him.

The sound of Amora screaming, drew everyone's attention to where he actually now stood, beside Amora and he was brandishing a dagger.  
Njord scurried away pathetically, only to be confronted by another projection of the trickster God, also brandishing a dagger. He let out a pitiful yell and fell to his knees before the figure, causing Loki to laugh menacingly.  
His laughter filled the entire room, as several projections appeared, all laughing in unison. 

The guards practically cowered in fright, as each of the apparitions began to speak as one,  
"You pitiful, insignificant fools!"

"Please, forgive me.."  
Njord begged,  
"..do not harm me."

Loki sneered,  
"You are all of you beneath me! There is nothing to stop me from grinding you to dust beneath my heel."

Sif's breath caught in her throat and she could not help calling out to him,  
"Loki..that is enough."

He slowly turned to look in the direction of where her voice came, each of his projections mirroring his movements.

"We must leave..."  
She pleaded desperately wanting to be as far away from this place as possible.

He seemed to hesitate a moment before turning his attention back to his captive audience,  
"I will show leniency on this occasion..."  
The voices spoke threateningly,  
"...am I not merciful?"  
They hissed, and when Njord did not respond Loki raised his voice, repeating the question,  
"..tell me, am I not merciful?!" 

The audio of all the figure's screaming at once reverberated around the walls, causing ringing in Sif's ears.

"Yes, yes you are.."  
Njord answered, as only a coward would.

At that the room began to fill with smoke; clouding Sif's vision, along with everyone else's. She jumped with alarm when she suddenly heard Loki's voice close to her ear,  
"Hold on to me.."  
He whispered, clearly as invisible now as she was, and she felt him grasp her hand within his. It was bizarre being led away by an invisible force, but his touch was reassuring.  
She didn't need telling twice and she held on to his hand tightly as they made their way out of the castle, leaving the bewildered, fearful guards behind.

*****************

Groaning, Sif rubbed her throbbing temples with her fingertips, which much to her relief, were now clearly visible along with the rest of her. Her head ached, almost as if it had been weighed down by a dozen thoughts and unanswered questions that lay heavy on her mind. They rattled around her brain like metal ball bearings, weighty and colliding with each other. 

She'd not even had time to think clearly or question Loki about any of it as yet, due to their hasty retreat from Vanaheim.  
After having fled Njord's castle, cloaked by Loki's invisibility spell, he had used the last remaining strains of the power he'd absorbed from Frigga's astral projection of Thor  to open a portal to escape from the realm.  
As the magic was waning, Loki had informed her that he would not have the ability to dictate where the portal opened for them. His apprehensiveness was quite unnerving, and he appeared most relieved and happy to find they had been transported to Nornheim.  
The land of the Light Elves was renowned for being a relatively peaceful realm, plus Loki believed they could seek refuge with Karnilla, Queen of the Norns.

However the mischievous one had grown weak, having exerted himself by travelling between worlds with only the bare minimum of power. Sif observed his sickly looking complexion with alarm. The pallor of his skin turning almost grey in colour, and a sheen of sweat covering his face revealed the severity of his condition.

Fortunately for them there was another saving grace, and the troubled Prince almost wept tears of joy when they chanced upon an old, long abandoned wooden shack, which was set high up on the ridge overlooking the enchanted forest of the Norns.

"Hoenir's hut!"  
Loki proclaimed, his voice weak but his smile was broad, displaying his set of perfect, porcelain-white teeth.  
It would have been beautiful, had he not looked so ill, and his lips were still bloodied and swollen.

It had taken every last ounce of his strength to climb the ridge. He stumbled more than once but when Sif attempted to lend a supporting shoulder he flatly refused, his stubborn pride causing her great irritation.  
Upon reaching the small cabin, Loki had practically collapsed once inside. Leaning heavily against what appeared to be an old work bench, his weary eyes scanned the musty interior.  
The place contained nothing but a wooden chair, a stool, the work bench and a narrow bed over in the corner.  
Needless to say despite the shabbiness of it, the bed was a welcome sight to Loki and after having stripped off several layers of his armour, he'd collapsed onto it like a dead-weight. The rickety frame must have been far stronger than it looked, as she well knew how heavy Loki actually was.  
Within minutes he'd fallen into a deep slumber, leaving Sif alone with her thoughts.

She sat now at the dusty work bench, willing her headache away. Her eyes were growing heavy and she began contemplating climbing up onto the bench to lay down.  
She was glad that Loki was getting some much needed rest, but as her stomach began to growl she realised that he would benefit from being able to eat when he awoke.  
Striding purposefully towards the door, she opened it and peered outside, her hunter-gatherer instinct kicking in. 

Much to her disappointment, all she could find in the surrounding area was berries. Her feet were now more sore than ever, so she could not face an expedition into the forest far below. Furthermore, without a sword or bow she was not be able to hunt; the light would be fading soon so there was no point in trying to improvise by making tools to hunt with.  
But having discovered a well around the back of the cabin, she collected a pale of water and filled another empty pale with berries.

Just as she was returning, the door to the cabin swung open with such force she half expected it to come off its rusty hinges.

"Sif!"  
Loki bellowed gruffly, still bleary with sleep but looking much better now for it,  
"What are you doing? Where were you?"  
He demanded.

Frowning, she made her way passed him, holding up the pales she clutched,  
"I found water and something to eat...what is wrong?"

Slamming the door hard he paced back and forth, clearly agitated,  
"I, thought perhaps you might have-"

"What? Gotten into some difficulty?"  
She interrupted sharply,  
"I am capable of taking care of myself Loki!"  
She set the pales down on the workbench, not bothering to hide her irritation. 

He obviously read her thoughts, slowly he walked across the room and sat down on the chair,  
"Actually, I was going to say that I thought you'd left."

She hesitated in taking the berries from the pale and stared at him,  
"Why would I leave?"

He sighed heavily and raked his long fingers through his tousled hair,  
"I'm sure you would if there was somewhere else for you to go."

Irritably Sif chose to ignore him, instead of responding she reached down and began tearing a strip of material from the hem of her gown. 

Loki sat bolt upright in his seat, his dark brows drawing together in bewilderment,  
"What are you doing now?"

Plunging the piece of material into the water pale, she proceeded to wring it out before kneeling down beside him,  
"I'm cleaning you up.....you cannot eat with your mouth in such a state."  
She announced, leaning closer towards him.

"I'm capable of tending my own wounds-"  
He protested, then fell silent as she brought the wet cloth up to his lips.  
He flinched slightly in pain, as she began wiping away the dried blood as gently as she could.

"I am sorry, but you must hold still"  
She instructed, instinctively cupping his chin in her other hand. 

He supressed a sigh, as though irritated but she paid no attention.  
"These scars will heal Loki"  
She soothed reassuringly, and without thinking she brushed her thumb tenderly across his lips, causing his eyes to meet with hers.

Swallowing hard, she withdrew her thumb but he suddenly reached up and clasped her hand in his. He then proceeded to bring her fingers to his mouth, pressing his lips against them.  
Once again the familiar sensation of her pulse quickening returned. She hurriedly averted her eyes, refusing to allow herself to be drawn in. She was still confused and angry for so many different reasons.

"Loki, don't."  
She said firmly, trying to sound as if she actually meant it.

"Don't what?"  
He asked, feigning innocence though she could see the devilment in his twinkling eyes.

She pulled her hand from his and stood up hurriedly, and in response he leapt to his feet so abruptly that the chair fell backwards onto the floor.

"What's wrong Sif...are my tattered lips no longer appealing to you?"  
He growled, but she sensed frustration in him rather than anger.

"Stop it!"  
She yelled, her own temper suddenly flaring up,  
"What do you want from me Loki? This is not a game...I'm tired of it-"

"You!"  
He exclaimed boldly, drawing nearer to her,  
"I want you Sif. Just like you once told me that it was I, the wicked Loki whom you wanted!"

Startled, she edged backwards only to find herself trapped against the workbench. She did not fear him, she feared herself. She could not allow herself to succumb to his seductive charms.  
No matter how she felt about him, it was only a game for him and she would not allow him to use her.

"You only wish to play mind games with me Loki, you do not want me the way that I want you-"  
Her voice faltered as she registered the expression he now wore. It was one of utter shock and disbelief,

"So, you're admitting that you do really want me after all?"

"Yes!"  
She cried in anguish, no longer caring about the humiliation,  
"Yes, I do want you..but you've been toying with me all along, tricking me because you wanted to seduce me for fun!"

"No, that is not true."  
He came closer in an attempt to touch her, but she lashed out in anger, hitting him in the shoulder.

"You lie!"  
She screamed, as he swiftly caught her by the wrist,  
"You made a fool of me, you conspired with that hag Amora to make me jealous...why?"

She reached out and struck him in the opposite shoulder with her other hand; resulting in him grasping that wrist also and pulling her arms in towards him with such force her whole body followed.

"I did not intend to make a fool of you, I'm sorry!"  
His voice sounded both agitated and desperate, but she could no longer contain her emotions.

"Why would you do that? Was it boredom or an act of revenge?"  
She demanded, struggling against him as her tears begin to spill onto her flushed face,  
"You orchestrated the entire thing in order to gain a reaction from me, why?!"  
She persisted, twisting and squirming to escape his clutches.

Wrapping his arms around her tightly, pressing her against his chest, he hushed her like one might try to soothe a child who was throwing a tantrum,  
"Shushhh Sif, calm down....I am sorry-"

"No your empty apologies are not enough to silence me trickster!"  
She hissed, weeping from anger, humiliation and confusion.

"Sif, do not struggle so desperately like a wild frantic bird-"

"Then let go of me!"

"I'll never let go of you!"  
Loki yelled, the sudden raising of his voice startling her so much that she ceased struggling.  
"I cannot let you go....not now, not ever!"  
He continued to rage, his eyes wild and intense and somehow they seemed to be pleading to her.  
He took a sharp intake of breath, then his voice softened,  
"..how can I....when I love you?"

Sif blinked as she stared back at him, and in that instance she thought she might die as her heart seemed to burst right out of her chest,  
"W-what?!"

He closed his eyes briefly, his pale face flushing slightly from embarrassment,  
"You heard me well enough....I always have and I always will."

She felt her mouth fall open and she suddenly felt incapable of any coherent thought.  
He opened his eyes to gaze down at her, the beautiful emerald orbs filled with sincerity. 

Time appeared to stand still as his face lowered towards her own. She closed her eyes and felt the familiar jolt of excitement as his lips met with her's. She kissed him back softly and tenderly, painfully aware of the delicate condition of his lips, but as his passion heightened his kisses grew firmer and more frantic.

Lost in the passion of the moment, she did not protest as his hands began to roam, intimately exploring her body.  
Gasping breathlessly in between their arduous kisses, she hungered for him with a sense of urgency that he clearly reciprocated, but as he pushed her down onto the work bench she began to fear that he was actually going to take her right there and then. And although the thought thrilled her, the realisation of what they were doing halted her abruptly.

"Loki....wait!"  
She gasped, pushing him back,

"we can't....we, we shouldn't...it is forbidden, and wrong-"

Loki was instantly confused and perplexed,  
"Why?...I love you...and you love me, so how can it be wrong?!"

Shakily she stood, her mind and body were awash with so many emotions.

"You do love me, don't you Sif?"  
He was asking now, scrutinising her face intensely,

"Y-yes...I do-"  
She stammered, suddenly feeling incredibly nervous.

"Tell me..."  
He whispered, drawing close to her again, causing her pulse to quicken further still.  
".....because I have loved you for a thousand years or more...and I must hear you say it."

"I love you Loki."  
She whispered, and no sooner had the words left her mouth when he advanced upon her again; kissing her feverishly, his breath cool against her skin, his voice ragged and breathless as he whispered into her ear of how much he loved and wanted her, and how he was going to have her, and make her his completely.

Never before had she experienced sensations like it, the sheer raw emotion and passion consumed her, causing her resistance and uncertainty to crumble.  
She gave in to her basic instincts, permitting him to guide her over towards the bed, their lips still locking whilst tearing at each others clothes desperately.

Tumbling onto the bed they shed the remainder of their garments, her heat pounding like a tribal drum as he ranked between her trembling thighs, snaking his leather trousers down to avail himself to her.

...Oh Loki, yes....my love...yes...

It was finally happening. The two of them had become one. They had crossed the line of all lines  
He was heavy and warm on her, and she revelled in the feeling of his male heat, of his scent, of being trapped between the firm wall of his chest and the mattress, of his body moving atop of hers. Of him being inside her...

Several hours later, whilst lying with Loki's sleeping naked form beside her, thoughts of Heimdall possibly having witnessed her act of indiscretion....or rather her repeated acts of indiscretion....made her cheeks flame. 

In the past she had considered her having kissed Loki as crossing the line, but this was not just a line, it was a veritable boundary, a border...there was no going back now. Ever. They had done this together. Changed their relationship, and lives forever.

Had she only succumbed to him the once, then perhaps it could have been trivialised as a mistake; a moment of madness. But having indulged in the carnal act with him several times, she knew such illicit behaviour could not be dismissed as mere impulsive foolishness.

Her body ached, her thighs and several other parts were tender from having coupled with him again and again.  
His lovemaking had alternated between gentle, sensual tenderness and lustful ravaging. And in spite of her slight physical discomfort and apprehension, she found herself smiling uncontrollably.  
Inside she was glowing and felt deliriously happy.

Not only had bedding Loki been the single most sensuous experience of her life, she was also helplessly and utterly in love with him...and most importantly - he loved her.  
He actually loved her.

Closing her eyes, she turned, draping her arm across his chest. She was completely exhausted but was reluctant to sleep, as she didn't want this feeling of euphoria to end.

Her last thought before drifting off to sleep was of how the rickety old bed had impressively withstood their amorous activities..


	19. No More Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the intimacies they shared, Sif pushes Loki to be honest with her. Reluctantly he complies, but his confessions render her horrified. Will his admittance of past atrocities be too much for her to bear?

The first coherent thought that entered into Sif's head the following morning, was that she'd had the most delectable dream...

Blinking as she opened her eyes; the rays of sunlight streamed in through the window, immediately proving that the previous night hadn't been a dream at all.  
However this realisation brought instant confusion; she could not help noticing how she now seemed to have more space in the narrow bed.

Sitting up with a jolt, her eyes scanned the room for Loki but there was no sign of him....or his clothing.

A whole myriad of emotions instantly erupted inside of her; rising panic, concern, followed by humiliation.....had she been abandoned now that he'd had his wicked way with her!?   
The very idea made her stomach drop like a lead weight and her cheeks blaze and sting as if they'd been slapped.

Just then she heard approaching footfalls outside the hut, causing her such immense relief when the door swung open, she was overcome with the urge to laugh out loud.

Framed in the doorway, Loki seemed to hesitate momentarily as though shocked. His eyes appeared wide, much like a startled animal.  
"Aaah..Good morning..."  
He mumbled, sounding as awkward as he looked,  
"...I ummm...went in search of food to break fast" 

It was then Sif took in the salmon he was clutching, along with a fishing net fashioned out of linen twine.

"That is a welcome sight.."   
She exclaimed, smiling nervously,  
"...though not as much as you yourself are, I feared the worst when I awoke alone."

Closing the door behind him and setting his catch down on the bench, Loki eyed her steadily,  
"The feeling is mutual I assure you. I keep expecting to discover I'm dreaming."

This proclamation pleased Sif, and she seized the opportunity to dispel any awkwardness and tension between them.

"How about now?.."  
Smiling mischievously, she dropped the bed sheet she'd been clutching; exposing her nude form once more,  
"...do you still think you are dreaming?" 

Loki's eyes widened further still as they roved over her naked body,  
"I must be..."  
He retorted, a crooked smile tugging at the corners of his scarred lips,  
"....and I hope I don't ever wake up."

In an instant he'd crossed the room and pulled her in to his arms.   
"This is too good to be true."  
He whispered playfully, between feverish kisses.

And Sif couldn't help but agree, as he eagerly set about removing his armour once more; and she was more than happy to assist him.

*******************

Afterwards Sif lay panting but smiling in his strong arms, his long, lithe legs entwined with hers once more. Resting her head against his smooth chest; both of which were slightly dampened by fresh sweat, she could hear his heart beat beginning to slow back to its regular pace.

"I still can't believe this..."  
She mused,  
"...I thought I'd lost any chance of this happening"

Loki grinned, his green eyes gleaming,  
"This could have happened much sooner if you hadn't raced from my chambers that first night. I was already naked, yet you never even attempted to take advantage of the situation"

Laughing she slapped his hand playfully,  
"So you were trying to seduce me?"

"Perhaps a little..."  
He chuckled heartily,   
"...although I hoped you might surrender to me willingly rather than me having to resort to temptation tactics."

Sif shifted position in order to look up at his face.  
"Hmmm...You resorted to jealousy tactics instead."  
She exclaimed.

"To some extent.."  
He responded quietly. His porcelain complexion colouring slightly and he purposefully avoided eye contact.

"Loki, please you must be honest with me now....why did you conspire with Amora?"

Sighing heavily, he closed his eyes to avoid the intensity of her gaze,  
"I was desperate....what more can I say? After having unlocked your memories from when we were adolescents, I'd merely hoped you'd realise I harboured feelings for you..."  
He paused momentarily and took a deep breath before continuing,  
"....when it appeared that perhaps you'd rediscovered some long forgotten feelings for me, I had to be sure...I did not want to make a fool of myself-"

"So you chose to make one of me instead!"  
Sif interjected sharply.

"That was never my intention."  
His eyes were now open and he stared at her imploringly.

Sif shook her head,  
"Perhaps not, but to be in league with the enchantress....I cannot understand what would drive you to such lengths-"

"Desperation."  
He interrupted, and the look on his face now kept her silent.

His beautiful green eyes were filled with sadness, yet his expression appeared hard as though angry.  
"Desperation has driven me to extreme lengths on many occasion Sif... conspiring with Amora is just the latest folly in my history of disastrous schemes."

Swallowing hard, she tried to ignore the sudden icy chill she felt sweep over her.  
"W-what else are you speaking of Loki? The attack on Midgard?"

"Do you have any idea how it feels to be an outsider? As though being left out in the cold, whilst gazing in on a warm comfortable scene..."  
He responded, ominously,  
"....loving you was like that, all I could do was look but never touch. You were betrothed to the mighty Thor, he was to be king and your husband whilst I was left with neither the crown or your affection."

"I...never realised you-"

"No you along with everyone else always assumed I was jealous of Thor but oblivious to all of the reasons for my resentment...."  
His eyes were now brimming with tears, but she was unsure if this was caused by sheer frustration or anger rather than sadness.  
"...you want me to be honest Sif, are you sure? You want to know all of the horrors spawned inside my head? To gaze into my eyes and see where my demons hide?"

In spite of the growing apprehension and immense feeling of dread, Sif held his gaze and responded steadily,  
"Yes Loki....I do...no more lies, games or secrets."

"The day of Thor's coronation Odin planned to announce your engagement to him, thus making it official and the wedding would've taken place that very same week."  
He announced, his tone fierce like his expression.

Startled by this revelation, Sif sat up, her mouth agape. 

As though reading her thoughts, Loki supplied her with the answer to the question she couldn't quite bring herself to ask,  
"Yes, I brought the frost giants into Asgard to ruin the coronation but mostly to prevent your wedding from taking place. My mother had warned me of Odin's plans in advance as she suspected I had feelings for you, and wanted me to be prepared for the worst."

"But instead it gave you time to plot and cause Thor's banishment!"  
She exclaimed aghast, her head now reeling. 

"I thought if I had the opportunity to be King, I could prove to Odin and yourself that I was worthy. And I hoped to win your affections in time. But instead you ran after him, once more."

Unable to find the words to respond, Sif sat with her head in her hands.   
These revelations were too much to bear. Feelings of guilt, fear, regret and despair swirled around in the pit of her stomach and made her feel nauseous. 

Shakily she got out of the bed, suddenly feeling very exposed and vulnerable. 

"What are you doing?"  
He demanded, sitting forwards with a jolt.

"I...I just need...a little air.."  
She managed to reply weakly, hurriedly gathering up her tattered gown and slipping it on.

"So this is it now is it?"  
He snapped, his expression now furious,  
"We're over before we've even begun? You said you wanted the truth!"

Still barefooted, Sif strode across the room and out of the door without looking back in his direction.  
This caused Loki to erupt and she flinched at the sound of splintering wood as he hurled something at the door.

 

Outside it was raining now and as she stood on the grass she inhaled deeply to calm her frayed nerves.

He had caused so much pain and destruction, and it grieved her to know that she'd unwittingly been one of the main causes.

Many minutes passed, and she began to shiver as the rain soaked her, but she found the sensation refreshing and almost cleansing somehow, as though it was slowly washing away her grief and fears.

Then the sound of the door opening shattered her thoughts.  
Turning slowly to see Loki, now dressed and standing in the doorway, her heart ached at the sight of his red-rimmed eyes.

Approaching him slowly she took in the way his expression was no longer fearsome, and how his handsome face was stained with the tracks of his tears.

"I cannot undo my past deeds Sif..."  
He spoke softly, his tone sombre,  
"...you wanted honesty and I gave you that. I am sorry that it is horrifying to you...I feared the truth would be too much for you to bear, but I did not want to lie to you"

The realisation that he'd been brave enough to be completely honest with her, despite the risk of him losing her, caused tears to well up in her eyes.

"I don't expect forgiveness, or for you to understand. It felt as though Thor had it all, and I had nothing...no throne, no kingdom, no real family. I'd hoped if I had some of these attributes then perhaps one day you'd want me-"

"But I did want you Loki, none of that mattered to me...why else would I even be here now?"  
She stated, her voice cracking with emotion.

"Well now I've lost you haven't I? By telling you these things, and I was a fool to allow myself any hope. I'm a disgraced prince, a wanted man, nothing more than a prisoner on the run now. So I've still got absolutely nothing to offer you..."  
Holding his hands out as though to emphasise his point, he stared at them sadly,  
"...my hands are empty."

Without another moments thought or hesitation Sif ran towards him and clasped his hands tightly in her own,  
"They're not empty now..."  
She declared, and couldn't help smiling as he blinked at her wide-eyed in surprise.  
"...and they never will be again."  
She added with conviction.

"Then I have everything..."  
He replied softly,   
"...everything I've ever wanted and needed."

Enfolding her in his arms he pulled her close to him, and kissed her tenderly. 

And in that perfect moment, all the suffering and pain seemed to vanish, as if the rain really had washed it all away.  
Yet neither of them felt cold or wet. Their love was their shelter from the rain.


	20. The Test Of Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki assures Sif they can seek refuge with the Norn Queen, but once they arrive they find themselves being tested.  
> Just how unbreakable is their fragile love?

After not having eaten a morsel in almost three days now, Loki insisted on preparing the fish he'd caught, which they ate followed by berries. 

Previously she had felt ravenously hungry, especially after their excessive lovemaking, yet in the end she'd eaten out of necessity in order to keep her strength up, as her appetite had vanished due to all the emotional turmoil.   
She felt very much like a snow globe that had been shaken up, and only now was she beginning to feel more settled. 

By mutual agreement, once they'd finished their meal, they set off for the infamous Nornkeep, home to Karnilla. 

The journey was a much shorter one than Sif had anticipated, and she listened with keen interest as Loki explained to her along the way how Nornheim was one of the smallest of all the nine realms, and closest to the dimension of Asgard, therefor it had initially fallen under Asgardian rule...

"However that has long since changed, as Karnilla did not wish to be subject to Odin's ruling...the light elves and demons accepted her as their Queen and she now reigns here as absolute monarch"   
He concluded, as they reached their destination. 

She surveyed the simple, and somewhat shabby-looking fortitude curiously. In comparison to the opulent splendour of Asgard and it's gleaming spires, this really wasn't what she had expected. 

One of the Norn Queen's guardian demons stood by the gateway, and much to Sif's astonishment, permitted their entrance, without exchanging nothing more than a mere nod with Loki. 

"You are well known to them I see..."   
She commented quietly, unsure of why this seemed to trouble her slightly.

He smiled lazily, his eyes giving nothing away,   
"Karnilla and I have always been sworn allies, that is why we'll be granted safe refuge here"

Sif pursed her lips,   
"So, as well as the enchantress and the witch of the Ironwood, you can also claim personal acquaintance with Karnilla....all of whom are enemies of Asgard."

She didn't add that they were also all female, as she wouldn't grant him the satisfaction of knowing that this irked her. She knew that nursing feelings of jealousy regarding his past relationships was irrational and petty.   
She scolded herself inwardly for being ridiculous, but after the intimacies they'd shared she couldn't bear the thought of anyone else having been that close to him. She was no fool, and had been able to tell that his expert touch was not that of a novice. Unlike herself, who was almost virginal compared to Loki it seemed, and his skills in the bedchamber put her past lovers to shame...their caresses had been rough, hurried and clumsy in comparison.   
She'd never experienced such immense pleasure, and now she found herself wondering who else had experienced it prior to her, in order for him to have developed such a level of expertise. 

She shuddered at these unwanted thoughts, though it went unnoticed by him, as he'd continued to explain that Karnilla had formed an alliance with Odin during the war with Surtur, and that Asgardian warriors had been responsible for her release, after she'd been captured by the frost Giants. 

 

Having now gained entry to the keep, they were led by another small demon guardian, along the relatively narrow hallway to the modest throne room, where they were instructed to wait.   
Standing side by side in silence, Sif did her upmost to ignore the nagging apprehension that she felt building once more.   
This was becoming too much of a habit it seemed, and she didn't know whether to laugh or cry at the realisation that these feelings obviously came with the territory....not necessarily just caused by being in unfamiliar surroundings, but as a result of being so entangled with the trickster God. He was, after all, a living, breathing personification of chaos...so she must be prepared for the emotional turbulence it entailed. 

Just then, as if sensing her concerns, he suddenly took her hand gently in his. Surprised by this impromptu gesture, she turned her head to look at him.   
His expression though unreadable and deadpan, his emerald orbs betrayed his true feelings. The look of love in those eyes was unmistakable.   
It made her heart flutter as it dawned on her that she had seen that look before many, many times before, but only now could she read them...she hadn't known then, or dared hope that it was love she saw there. 

Any lingering traces of doubt, evaporated in that instant as she realised all the emotional turmoil was worth it. She loved him so deeply and her own eyes shone back at him, filled with love for him, relaying this unspoken declaration back to him in return.   
She knew he saw it, he sensed it and gave her hand a gentle, appreciative squeeze, as if to reassure her that he understood. 

 

Then the door to the room clattered open and a tall, raven-haired woman sashayed into the room, closely followed by the figure of a bent old lady with stringy grey hair, which hung down in greasy sheets from beneath her hooded cloak.   
Her haggard appearance could not have been in further contrast to that of her companion. She was much younger and rather pretty Sif thought, though her features appeared a little sharp, making her look quite aggressive.   
But it was her clothing that made Sif's eyebrows raise...never before had she seen anything like it.   
Her wine-red, leather leotard exposed a pair of well-toned thighs, and as if that wasn't revealing enough, it was slashed right down to the waist, displaying her ample cleavage as well.   
Silver boots, cut above her knee, matched the gloves she wore and atop her head sat the most incredibly complicated looking headgear.....this was definitely not how she had envisaged the Queen of the Norns...even Amora's outfits paled in comparison to such excessive flesh-showing.

 

"Upon my word, it really is the sinister one!"   
She spoke smoothly, and flashed Loki a wide smile. 

Much to Sif's relief, Loki did not drop her hand as she had presumed he might. Such an open show of affection, both astonished and pleased her no end. He didn't seem embarrassed, and it obviously didn't make him feel awkward. 

She watched him return the gesture to Karnilla, flashing her one of his winning smiles, and dipped his head in a small, courteous bow  
"My lady, it's been too long since I last had the pleasure of your company" 

"I know my dark prince, I've missed thee...still you have been a busy boy haven't you, from what I've heard?"   
She replied, as she took her place on her gleaming silver throne, which was the only opulent feature in the entire place it seemed, save only for her bizarre crown.

Loki kept his smile in place as he replied smoothly,   
"To say the least...but I would have visited of course, if I'd had the opportunity" 

Karnilla surveyed him for a moment, and Sif surveyed them both, trying desperately to determine what sort of 'relationship' the two of them shared. 

Then quite unexpectedly the Queen turned to her and spoke abruptly,  
"You needn't fret child, I have no desire to steal the trickster away from you. He and I are too much alike!" 

Shocked, Sif struggled to respond. Had Karnilla read her thoughts somehow?   
Loki shot Sif an amused look, which caused her face to colour slightly. 

"It's female intuition child, I too know how protective one can be over a new lover."  
Karnilla supplied, with a knowing grin.

"Yes..."   
Loki piped up, grinning wickedly,  
"..do tell me, how are things with Balder these days?" 

Karnilla shot him a bemused look, and ignoring his remark she delivered her own slight instead,  
"Pray tell me my prince, what was the mighty son of Odin and the Allfather's reaction to this...unexpected union of yours?" 

Loki visibly stiffened for a moment, his scarred lips pursing,   
"It is of no consequence....we're both consenting adults, we need no ones blessing-"

"That may be so, dark one, but your shield maiden here is betrothed to Thor is she not And you are his brother." 

"Haven't you heard?"   
Loki quipped sarcastically,   
"There's been a slight misunderstanding in relation to my parentage, so therefor he's not actually my brother at all. I thought you of all people would know this already, being a consort of the Goddesses of destiny!" 

Karnilla leaned forwards in her throne,   
"Do not take that sardonic tone with me Loki, you know perfectly well the Norns knew of this from the beginning and they share all their knowledge with me-"

"Yes, and yet you never thought to share this rather important piece of information with me, despite being one of your closest allies!"   
He interjected gruffly. 

"It was not for me to disclose such a revelation to thee Loki, that was Odin's duty, not mine..."  
She growled back, her brow furrowing,   
"....you ought to consider yourself fortunate that I wasn't prejudiced towards you due to your breed...Jotuns' cannot be trusted, they are a savage and cruel race!"

Loki stared back at her, his eyes hard and cold, a devious smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth,  
"And I thought it was those attributes that you found most appealing."

"Within moderation,"

"Yet you favoured Balder so...despite his brutishness."  
He returned sharply, his tone a mixture of both mischief and malice.

Karnilla straightened abruptly, clearly disgruntled by his mocking,  
"Come now, sinister one...you of all people should know that love is blind, is it not?"

Loki's face fell as he registered her meaning, and Sif looked on wide-eyed as Karnilla began chanting a runic incantation.   
A swirling mist of light appeared around him, illuminating his pale features and casting a superlunary glow over them both. 

"Enough now Karnilla!"   
Loki roared at the Norn Queen, clearly agitated,   
"What do you hope to gain by this?" 

Karnilla smiled devilishly and turned her eyes upon Sif,   
"It is only fair that your warrior maiden sees you for what you truly are...Loki of Jotunheim!" 

No sooner had the words left her mouth, when the temperature dropped rapidly, and the swirling light around Loki took on a frosty appearance. 

Sif's jaw dropped open in shock, as she watched his pale skin change in colour and texture before her very eyes.   
He was blue, just like the frost giants of Jotunheim, and his eyes were now blood red.   
They shot to her and taking in the look of panic on her face, he dropped her hand abruptly and turned away.

"Do not look at me!"   
He yelled in desperation, 

Karnilla laughed wickedly in response, but her smile soon faded when Sif boldly grasped hold of Loki's hand once more.   
She felt him jerk slightly, startled by her touch. His hand was now ice cold, but she entwined her fingers through his and leaned into him  
"Loki, do not be ashamed."   
She whispered gently. 

Slowly he turned to face her, but was reluctant to meet her gaze.  
"Well, now you see me Sif...how can you even bare to look at me?"   
He asked sadly, 

"Because I love you!"   
She cried,   
"I see no monster, only the man I love."

Their eyes locked, each of them brimming with tears as they simultaneously stumbled into each other's arms.   
They held each other tightly, oblivious to Karnilla's stares, until they felt the swirling cold air begin to dispel. 

"Well well..."   
Karnilla said finally, breaking the silence,   
"...it would seem that love really is blind....yet it is love nonetheless." 

Slowly they turned to face the Norn Queen, still clinging to each other.   
Loki's features had returned to normal, but his face bore an expression of pure rage and indignation.

"Do not upset yourself further dark one..."   
The queen interjected before he had time to speak,  
"....you can rest easy now, safe in the knowledge that your shield maiden truly loves you unconditionally" 

"He need never have doubted it!"   
Sif snapped angrily

"Oh but he did doubt it..."   
Karnilla replied, with a twisted smile,   
"...and he always would have...so you ought to thank me." 

Loki scoffed loudly, his agitation not waning any,  
"Huh! I've known you long enough to sense when there's an ulterior motive for your actions Karnilla, why the interference?" 

"Because this forbidden union is destined to ruin you both"   
Sh replied bluntly,   
"....had it been a mere fling, then I could've hoped that the Norns were wrong, but now I see your love is unshakable, it will be your undoing"

Loki swallowed hard, his brow furrowing deeply,  
"How so?" 

"I am not at liberty to disclose this information to you, as you still have a choice."

Sif eyed her lover apprehensively as he responded, his tone clearly anxious.  
"What choice?"

"Give up your love for one another-"

"Never!"  
Sif yelled without a moments hesitation,   
"I would sooner die than be without Loki now." 

Karnilla studied Sif, her intense gaze scrutinising her closely and making her feel deeply uneasy.  
"That may be so lady Sif, but what about him, would he be willing to do the same for you?"

Sif looked up at Loki's handsome face, his expression deeply troubled.   
For a moment she felt her heart stop beating for fear that he may not respond in the way she hoped.

"Of course. I would never give her up!"  
He replied finally, much to her relief. 

"That may be your only option my dark prince...if you truly love her." 

Loki suddenly shot forward with lightening speed and gripped Karnilla by the arms, startling both her and Sif.  
"What do you mean by that, devilish woman?"  
He snarled

"Have a care Loki, unhand me at once or I shall share nothing further with you!"   
She hissed menacingly

"Loki, you must let her go."   
Sif implored him.

The fractious pair stared back at each other for a moment, teeth bared and lips curled, until at last the trickster loosened his grip on the Queen. 

"The lady has passed her test...."   
She quipped, with a devious smile,   
"....she's proved how much she loves you. But how will you fair Loki, if the test means giving up on her, in order to save her from her doom?"


	21. Loki Of Jotunheim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karnilla continues to speak of the vague prophecy, and offers Loki a tempting deal.  
> Concerned about his new-found capabilities, Sif urges Loki to not trust Karnilla, and to trust her instead.  
> In an attempt to feel closer to him, she encourages him to accept his true self, but in a non-destructive way.

"Loki, you must not do this...listen to me!"   
Sif reached up and cupped the face of her beloved in her hands, forcing him to face her  
"Whatever is woven as our destiny, we can face it together-" 

"How can we face it together if you are no longer living?"  
He rasped, his expression distraught,   
"Do not ask me to walk hand in hand with you towards your doom Sif, especially when it is I who am to be the cause of it!"

Karnilla looking on, stoney-faced from her throne, after having delivered the blow which had thrown the lovers into turmoil, spoke again,  
"Cause be the saviour.....that is the prophecy-"

"To Hel with the prophecy!"   
Sif broke in angrily,   
"We've come this far, we cannot give up on each other now!"

"But your sinister one makes a valid point Lady Sif, you are headed to disaster and if you continue on this path you will meet an untimely end."

"That may be so, but life without him would not be worth living."   
Sif declared, indicating towards Loki, who now stood with his head in his hands.

"Ah but you need not suffer that loss, just as he needn't suffer the agony of you losing your life."

At that, Loki slowly raised his head and reluctantly met Karnilla's gaze,  
"Go on."

Karnilla rose from her throne, and miraculously produced a bottle seemingly from thin air,   
"This potion, contains water from the Vimur river....it enables the one who drinks from it, to forget." 

Loki's eyes widened, and he appeared to swallow hard,  
"Legend has it, that is the river from which Sigurd drank and forgot his love for Brunhilde, Odin's most famed Valkyrie."

Karnilla smiled,   
"The very same." 

Sif felt panic rising in her chest, she feared this situation was about to spiral beyond her control. She studied Loki's expression, and could see he was in deep contemplation, which caused a deep stabbing sensation within the cavity of her chest. 

"I don't want to forget my love for you Loki...."  
She protested, tears suddenly forming in her eyes,  
"....without you, my life would be meaningless-"

"As would mine!"   
He replied curtly,   
"I have endured torment and heartache for eons, harbouring an unrequited love for you Sif....so how am I supposed to live without you now that I finally have you as my own?"

Once again he approached the Queen, but this time with his hands outstretched imploringly,   
"Please, Karnilla....there must be another way-"

"There is no other way my dark one, and if you truly love your shield maiden then you'll be willing to sacrifice your own happiness in order to save her life."

"You cannot ask this of me!"  
He roared, his voice louder than Sif had ever heard.

Fearful that he may lose his temper again with the Norn Queen, Sif darted forwards and placed her hand on his shoulder. He immediately reacted by pulling her into his arms protectively, an act that made her heart want to burst with joy and yet break with sadness.

"You are mistaken Loki.."  
Karnilla was saying now,   
"...I am not asking you to do anything, I am merely advising you and offering you a solution." 

"No one decides my fate for me."  
Sif responded before Loki had time to speak.

Karnilla eyed her steadily, then turned back to him, completely dismissing her declaration,  
"I shall leave you be in order to think the matter over Loki" 

Slipping the ornate bottle into her belt she shot him a long, meaningful look,  
"It'll be for your conscience to decide." 

Sif felt Loki tense up. His jaw set tight, and she was certain she heard him grinding his teeth in agitation. 

"Of course there would be some compensation, to help comfort you whilst mourning the loss of her love"   
Karnilla suddenly added, and proceeded to conjure a second bottle out of nowhere.

"What is that?"   
Sif demanded, somewhat indignant that Karnilla was implying that her love could be so easily substituted. 

"This potion contains water from the river Gjoll....it has the ability to restore what one has lost, though it can only restore what was rightfully theirs' to begin with, and if it truly matters to them."  
Karnilla explained.

As curious as a cat, Loki took a step forward and Karnilla smiled mischievously at the trickster God,   
"That's right Loki, this concoction can restore your powers."

Loki's eyes widened at this, causing Karnilla to laugh.   
Unexpectedly she tossed the bottle towards him, and due to his quick reflexes he caught it easily in one hand.  
"Take a mere sip, and you'll see how effective it is"

Sif held her breath whilst looking on nervously as he eyed the bottle with caution, before eventually removing the cap. 

"You can trust me sinister one, you know I'm your ally."  
Karnilla reassured him. 

Lifting the bottle to his lips, he hesitated only briefly and then apprehensively took a swig of its contents.   
Almost instantly a golden glow emanated from him, causing him to shudder violently, and then dispersed almost as quickly as it had appeared. 

"Loki, are you alright?"   
Sif asked.

Nodding in response, as though temporarily lost for words, he raised his hand and with a flick of his wrist shards of ice formed in the palm of his hand.   
"What is this?"   
He asked, his confusion audible in his tone,  
"I can produce smoke, but I've never been able to conjure ice without the casket of ancient winters."

"Your powers have been restored, and the potion returns what is rightfully yours, Loki of Jotunheim...."  
Karnilla reminded him ominously,  
"....and that is just a sip, so you could be infinitely more powerful if you were to drink the rest...but.."  
With that she strutted towards them, and with one swift motion, removed the bottle from his hand,  
"...I cannot give this to you unless you give up your love for the Lady Sif."

 

**********************

That night, as darkness fell across the land of the Light Elves, Sif was loathed to find herself creeping along the cobweb-laden hallway in search of the room her beloved trickster had been allocated.  
Karnilla had agreed to offer them accommodation as her guests, but stipulated she would not permit them to share a room, as she wasn't willing to risk the wrath of Odin by openly condoning or encouraging their union.   
However she had added, with a playful wink and devious smirk, that should either of them steal into their lovers chamber in the middle of the night, like a "love struck, over amorous youth" then she would be none the wiser and therefore unable to prevent it.   
Sif's face burnt like a brand at hearing this, yet somehow she now found herself willing to risk the embarrassment.   
She'd been lying awake for several hours, the solitude was proving too much to bear and the urge to be with Loki was too great.

Her heart was heavy, and she feared what thoughts he may be harbouring after Karnilla's revelations.   
The affects of the potion he had taken, had clearly had an impact on him.  
Whilst being escorted to their respective chambers, Loki had proudly chanted the runes in order to repair Sif's tattered gown to its former glory. And whilst she found the gesture very touching, the sheer excitement of having his powers restored, was clearly visible for her to see. And this caused her concern.

She had been reluctant to go to him, secretly hoping that he would seek her out instead.....but this was Loki after all, and his absence made her apprehensive and suspicious.  
Upon reaching the door of the other guest chamber, she tapped gently in the hope that he'd hear without it being audible to any prying ears.   
She didn't entirely trust Karnilla, even though Loki did.

A few moments later, it creaked open and she was greeted by her semi naked beau. The sight of his smooth exposed skin, still caused the breath to catch in her throat. 

He smiled gently at her, his glittering green eyes shining with mischief,  
"Ah, I was hoping you might pay me a visit." 

She flushed like a red rose, and hurriedly slipped inside as he held the door ajar for her, before quickly scanning the hallway for signs of her having been followed. 

"Well it seems to have become a habit, so why break it now?"  
She joked. 

Striding across the room, and despite still wearing his leather trousers and boots, he proceeded to lay down causally on the bed. 

"You are regrettably overdressed though."   
He pointed out, and suddenly made a gesture with his hand whilst muttering words that were foreign to her. 

Before she knew what was happening, a golden glow shrouded her, forcing her to temporarily shield her eyes from the glare. When she opened them again, blinking, she looked down to find that in place of her red gown, she was now wearing a white, silk night robe. 

Unsure whether she should laugh or chide him, when she looked up he beckoned her over to join him on the bed.   
She did so, though somewhat hesitantly...  
"Loki, I know how much it pleases you to have your magical abilities restored.....but, in all seriousness, we have much to discuss." 

Immediately Loki seemed to tense up,   
"Such as?"

"Everything, all that has happened. I fear that Karnilla will use her potions as a bargaining tool in order to persuade you to give me up-" 

Loki sat bolt upright, and gently placed the pad of his forefinger against her lips,  
"Please, do not speak of such things Sif. Having my powers restored is no substitute for your love." 

Her eyes searched his, and she could see that he was telling the truth, but his reluctance to discuss the issue still caused her to feel suspicious.   
As though sensing her apprehension, the trickster God held her gaze, and shot her one of his heart-melting smiles,   
"Do not look so melancholy my love, don't you see how this has opened up infinite possibilities for us? Nothing and no one need come between us now." 

"What possibilities?"  
She asked, although almost afraid to hear his explanation.

"My natural abilities. They are incredibly powerful, once I've mastered them I truly will be a force to be reckoned with-"

"You speak of the abilities to freeze people? As you did Heimdall? Is that what you mean?"  
She blurted out, aghast at the very thought of her beloved unleashing such a force upon her friends. 

"Not necessarily...."   
He replied, his tone remaining calm,   
"....but I am prepared to do whatever it takes in order for us to remain together." 

Sif swallowed hard,   
"Loki, I never want to be without you, but I can't allow you to harm our own people-"

"Your people Sif, I'm a Jotun half-breed remember? It seems fitting that I embrace my heritage in order to use those abilities for our protection." 

"It is convenient how you are willing to embrace your Jotun powers in order to cause destruction Loki, when previously you were ashamed of your parentage!"   
Sif snapped angrily,   
"You could not even bear for me to look at you in Jotun form, yet it suits you to wield the powers of a frost giant." 

Loki recoiled as if he'd been slapped in the face and turned away from her, clearly stung by her words. 

"I do not want us to fight Loki, this is what I am afraid of can't you see? Karnilla has poisoned your mind by dangling that potion in front of you, she wishes to draw you in so that you'll be hungry for such powers and you could end up sacrificing our love in order to have them!" 

"You are wrong, she is an ally....she can assist me in mastering the powers so they needn't be fatally destructive-" 

He fell silent when Sif suddenly jumped to her feet, 

"How do you know this? Have you spoken with her in private?"

When he didn't respond, she felt dangerously close to erupting with rage. 

"So you have spoken with her, behind my back, and she's clearly been filling your head with all kinds of disastrous notions. She wants you to give me up, why can't you see that Loki?"  
She yelled, her vision suddenly blurring with fresh tears, although they were highly likely tears of anger. 

"No one will ever be able to persuade me to do such a thing!"  
Loki roared back at her, his own temper now flaring.  
"Why won't you believe me? I Love you more than life itself."

Sif tried desperately to swallow the lump down that had formed in her throat,   
"I do believe you love me Loki, but you must understand how hard it is for me. I know that I love you, but there's still so much I've yet to learn about you. These past few days alone there's been so much to take in, everything that's happened in the past, all the lies, deceit and chaos. Your conspiring with Amora, and now Karnilla..."   
Her words trailed off, and to her horror she suddenly burst into tears.

In an instant Loki was on his feet, and enfolding her in his strong arms,  
"Please Sif, don't cry my love. You've no idea how it grieves me to see you so. I know it will be difficult for you to trust me, but I won't do anything to cause you pain. I'd be willing to surrender the magic if it compromised my being able to be with you." 

Burying her face into his chest, she steadied her breathing and forced a smile.   
"I just want to be close to you Loki, to know you...there's still so much I don't know. Amora addresses you as Lopt-"

"Lopt is the Jotun equivalent to Loki, and I only learned of that recently. I'm still discovering myself Sif, I didn't even realise that a Jotnar's touch doesn't always have a freezing effect, it's merely a defence mechanism-"

"And who told you that, Karnilla?" 

Loki sucked in his breath as he realised that he was merely adding fuel to the proverbial fire,  
"I'm sorry."  
He muttered pitifully. 

Slowly Sif took a step back in order to look up at him,   
"Show me."   
She said, her voice little more than a whisper.

He blinked at her, his eyebrow raised quizzically.

"You can use your power to change form....I want to see it again." 

Visibly shocked, Loki made a face and shook his head.

"Please Loki, I want to be close to you and know everything about you, we can learn together can't we?" 

"Sif, I've never done that before."  
He protested, unaware that this admittance merely enhanced her desire further.

"So that is a good reason as any to try, is it not?" 

He was staring at her agog now as if she had lost her senses, his expression a combination of bewilderment and disgust.   
But as she gazed at him imploringly she could sense his resistance crumbling. 

Taking a deep breath he closed his eyes in concentration, and she found herself holding her own breath as slowly his pale skin began to change once more in colour.  
She stared wide-eyed in wonder as his transformation took place, and when he eventually opened his eyes, his red orbs looked back at her nervously and filled with apprehension.

He needn't have been nervous, for as she took in the stunning shade of blue, in stark contrast to his raven locks, and his piercing eyes now shining like rubies rather than emeralds, she felt completely overcome by his otherworldly beauty.   
She drew closer to him and reached out to gently touch his face, causing him to avert his gaze in embarrassment. 

"Please don't look at me so long and hard Sif..."  
He murmured sadly, clearly uncomfortable  
"...I must be repulsive to you." 

Desperate to try and convince him otherwise, she boldly placed her hand against his chest, his skin cool and soft; though slightly different in texture beneath her fingertips.   
"On the contrary, you're exquisitely beautiful Loki."

His head snapped up and his ruby red eyes widened in astonishment, a look of utter disbelief on his handsome face.

"Touch me."   
She instructed, with new found assertiveness,  
"I trust you Loki." 

Despite the certainty in her voice, he seemed hesitant, so Sif reached out, took hold of his hand and clasped it to her chest, positioning his palm over her heart. For a moment she swore she felt his own heartbeat quicken beneath her hand. 

"You are certainly no monster Loki, you must believe me when I say that I adore you in any form." 

Their eyes locked and suddenly she became aware of how intimate and sensual this seemed. Her fallen prince, usually so dominant and strong now appeared incredibly fragile and vulnerable. Overcome with the desire to feel as close to him as possible, she found herself reaching down to loosen her robe.  
It fell down around her waist, and ignoring his look of uncertainty she embraced him tightly, pressing herself against him; revelling in the sensation of skin on skin contact. 

A barely audible gasp escaped his lips, and she had to bite back a smile.   
With or without his magical abilities, there was no doubt about the power he had over her, so the thought of her taking control for once rather thrilled her.   
And to her astonishment, he willingly and subserviently surrendered to her desires.....


	22. Find Me In The Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things come to a head when Karnilla discovers what Loki and Sif did the previous night, and she warns them of the possible outcome.  
> Panicking, Loki accepts the Norn Queen's offer of assistance, despite Sif's reluctance, which inadvertently has dire consequences.

The sound of the chamber doors being flung open with excessive force jolted Sif abruptly from her sleep.   
Confused and startled, it took her a moment to register what was happening.   
Karnilla had burst into the room, accompanied by her minion hag, who loitered in the doorway whilst Karnilla marched over towards the bed, her expression gravely serious. 

"Wake up Loki!"   
She shrieked, sounding remarkably like a banshee.

 

Loki stirred, he was lying on his front in the bed beside Sif, and his skin still bore a noticeably blue hue.   
This was a stark reminder of the previous nights shenanigans, and her face coloured slightly as she recalled the way in which he had succumbed to her brazen advances, in his frost giant form. 

"Karnilla, are you deliberately trying to perforate my eardrums?"   
He mumbled, his voice filled with indignation,  
"And what is the meaning of such an intrusion?" 

"I might well ask you, sinister one, what is the meaning of this?"  
Karnilla shot back at him, gesturing to the pair of them,

"I'm no innocent, I was expecting the pair of you to be making the two-backed beast last night, so I'm not entirely shocked..."   
She ranted, barely pausing for breath, before continuing her tirade,  
"....but what has shocked me, is to see you in your native form sly one...Please tell me you didn't engage in coitus like that?"

To both Karnilla and Sif's astonishment, Loki began to laugh. For a brief moment Sif found herself wishing she had powers of her own, in order to make herself invisible. 

"So what of it?"   
Loki was demanding now, his trademark impish grin firmly in place,  
"You really ought not to pry into other people's personal affairs Karnilla."

Karnilla sighed with exasperation,   
"What in the name of Valhalla possessed thee to do such a thing? What a peculiar kink your shield maiden must have, lusting to mate with a son of Jotunheim-"

"I beg you please, no more!"   
Sif broke in, her embarrassment soaring to new heights.

The fact was, as much as it disturbed her to admit it, she had found Loki's frost giant form inexplicably attractive. She'd been driven on by wanting to prove to him that she did not find him repulsive, and the fact that he'd never been intimate with another this way, had somehow made her feel privileged. She'd finally felt completely close to him, on more than just a physical level. He had allowed his guard to come down, he'd exposed a side of him that he'd never have dared show before, and this had strengthened the bond between them even further.

She wouldn't allow Karnilla to make a mockery of their actions.

"You may taunt all you like, your highness....but we shared a deep connection-"

"Indeed, and I find that deeply alarming!"   
Karnilla cut in. 

"Listen, what exactly are you implying devil woman?"   
Loki suddenly piped up gruffly, his dark brows beetling together in bewilderment.  
"Is it so incredulous that the lady Sif should find me desirable in the form that nature intended?"

"Be silent you fool!"   
Karnilla retorted sharply,   
"This goes far beyond that. Your careless actions could have disastrous consequences, of which you may have sealed your fate!"

"What consequences? Enough with the riddles Karnilla!"   
Snapped Sif, she was growing weary of cryptic prophecies.

Raising her arm, Karnilla pointed a bony finger at Loki,  
"Whilst in your native form, your seed becomes far more potent!"  
She blurted out, her blunt proclamation rendering both Loki and Sif immediately silent.  
"There's a strong possibility you could've impregnated your warrior princess, which could put her life at risk because her body temperature will not be able to sustain a normal level due to carrying Jotnar offspring." 

Sif could hear the words Karnilla spoke, yet her proclamation rendered her utterly speechless. Shocked, she turned to look at Loki, and could tell from his expression that he was absolutely horrified. .  
All colour had drained from his complexion, and he now looked ghastly pale.

She reached out and touched his hand, but he was unresponsive.  
"Do not fret Loki, you weren't to know..."  
She spoke hurriedly,   
"...there is no certainty to it-" 

"The prophecy..."   
Loki mumbled, his eyes staring blankly ahead,  
"...it was prophesied that I would be your undoing." 

"It can be undone..."   
Karnilla interjected smoothly,  
"....I should be able to concoct a suitable remedy." 

Loki's eyes snapped to Karnilla, his expression unreadable.

"It is the only way to avoid potential disaster."   
She assured him.

Sif heard Loki's response, but suddenly couldn't bring herself to look at him and his blank expression. 

"So be it." 

 

****************

Outside the sky had darkened, an indication that a storm was gathering. As Sif stared out through the window of the great hall, watching the clouds gather, she felt a sense of foreboding hanging in the air. 

"What are you not telling me Loki?"   
She ventured, and when he failed to reply, she turned to look at him. 

Visibly agitated yet trying to conceal it, he forced a smile.  
"Sif, please...you must trust me-"

"If I were of sound mind and thinking rationally, I would struggle to trust you but as I am enamoured of you, my judgement has been somewhat impaired of late..."   
She retorted,   
"...however as you've since sworn to be true and not hurt me, I will and do trust you Loki. I I have faith in your feelings for me. But that is why you need to tell me everything you know, because I can sense that you're keeping something from me."

As if to confirm her suspicions, Loki pulled out a chair and proceeded to sit down heavily, his shoulders sagging.   
"I'm just trying to protect you Sif."   
He spoke quietly, hiding behind his large hands, as he rubbed at his temples. 

"I don't need your protection Loki, I want your respect and honesty. Stop trying to be my guardian-"

"That's hypocritical of you Sif, being as you've been acting as my saviour since I returned to Asgard...."   
He fired back at her,   
"...and seeing as how it's woven in our destiny for me to be your destructor, forgive me for trying to keep you from harm's way in order to reverse this damn prophecy!" 

It was clear that he cared deeply for her, she didn't doubt that for a moment. Karnilla's revelations had unnerved him, and he was clearly tormented by the notion of inadvertently causing her demise.

She made her way over to him, and drew up a chair.  
"I am master of my own destiny Loki, no one decides my fate for me. I am not accepting any remedies, if by some chance I have conceived, then so be it-"

"What kind of father would I make though Sif?"  
He hissed, a hint of malice in his voice,  
"How can you learn what's never shown? I could never be what a good father should be..."  
His words trailed off, his luscious eyes glazing over with sadness. 

"You should not doubt your capabilities Loki, you could be the father you'd always wanted for yourself."   
She said gently. 

At that, he rose abruptly and strode over to the table behind her.  
She heard him pouring from a flagon, as he continued to argue his case against the prospect of becoming a parent. 

"How could we bring an innocent child into such uncertainty? It is unfair. An infant needs stability, as well as love." 

She turned to look at him, as he returned with two goblets of wine. He proffered one to her, and added ominously,   
"No doubt you'll be needing a cask full of liquor, when I reveal what I've been trying to shield you from." 

He took a long swig, then eyed her cautiously for a moment. Inwardly she was trying to remain calm, but as she raised the drink to her lips, she felt her hands trembling slightly and the dryness of her mouth. She was nervous.   
She noted the way he suddenly hung his head, as though ashamed. 

Without realising, she drained the entire contents of her goblet, and taking a deep breath, she leant back against the chair, and apprehensively asked the unavoidable question....  
"What have you been keeping from me?" 

And oh, how she almost wished that she hadn't asked.  
Ignorance was bliss, and knowledge, in this instance, was utter misery. 

She sat in silence, listening and growing increasingly concerned, as he confessed that Karnilla had summoned him the previous night in order to discuss a matter of upmost urgency.   
Apparently word had reached her, that news of the disgraced Prince's actions in Vanaheim had broke, throwing several of the nine realms into a state of turmoil and panic.   
As a result, Odin had once again mustered up as much dark energy as he could manage, in order to transport his Einherjar to various realms, in order to apprehend the fugitive' 

As he finished, he awaited her response with bated breath.   
A million thoughts and feelings whirled within her, causing her to feel almost woozy. 

"You should have told me this before Loki, hiding the truth is not protecting me."   
She managed, with great effort.   
It was as if her thoughts were suddenly becoming hazy and hampered, and she was struggling to string a sentence together. 

She heard his voice, as though in the distance, apologising. But she found it almost impossible to concentrate on his words.

"Some-something's not right.."   
She mumbled and made to stand, but her legs were like lead. 

The sensation momentarily reminded her of trying to wade through a fast flowing river, as your clothing becomes increasingly heavy due to the weight of the water.   
She staggered forwards, and was caught by Loki just before she toppled over.

She heard him calling out to Karnilla for assistance, who arrived promptly.

"Whet did that remedy contain?"  
He bellowed, his expression and voice frantic. 

"Lo-Loki....w-what have you done?"   
Sif stammered, desperately trying to remain coherent.

"Forgive me my love, I just wanted to protect you.."   
He admitted, his voice breaking,   
"..I laced your wine with the remedy, I only meant to protect you, please understand."   
He begged, as a silent tear escaped and streaked it's way down his guilt-laden face. 

"Remedy for what?"   
She unwittingly found herself asking, her expression one of unmistakable confusion. 

At that, a realisation dawned on Loki and his eyes snapped up to look at the suspiciously silent Karnilla.

"Why can't she remember?"   
He growled,   
"I won't ask you again, what did that potion contain?"

"The vial I gave you, merely contained water from the Vimur."   
She replied flatly, 

"You deliberately gave me....the wrong potion?!"  
He roared accusingly,   
"Quickly, give me some of that which contains water from the river Gjoll...it should restore any memories she loses!" 

Karnilla's response was just barely audible to Sif, but despite her dazed state, it still caused panic, and fear to grip her.

"It will not work my dark Prince, those waters only restore what's lost if it was rightfully theirs' to begin with....and your shield maiden is not your intended. She's the Thunderer's remember? Not yours." 

As Sif tried to take in this further blow, she was startled by Loki suddenly yelling with heart-wrenching ferocity,  
"No!"  
His voice, and the word, reverberated around the room, bouncing off the walls, resounding in her ears and simultaneously breaking her heart. 

With all the strength she could muster, and with great difficulty, she managed to focus on his tear-streaked face, unable to comprehend why she wasn't in floods of tears herself being as she felt as though her heart had been wrenched from her chest. 

"Loki..."  
She whimpered helplessly,   
"...find me in the future." 

 

**************

Those were the last words she uttered before falling into a catatonic state.   
She didn't see Karnilla toss the Gjoll potion towards her wretched lover, advising him to take it in order to restore his powers.   
She didn't see the bottle roll along the floor, as Loki sat weeping over her.   
She wasn't aware of the Einherjar, when at last they stormed Nornkeep and clamped Loki in chains once more.   
She didn't feel Tyr, the burly master of the guards, lift and carry her from the room.  
And she didn't hear Loki's distraught cries, as he beat his fists against the stone floor in anguish, until they bled........

"This must not be where it ends Sif....my life, my love..." 

 

 

******* TO BE CONTINUED IN THE NEXT BOOK ~   
"FEAR, MADNESS and MEMORIES" ~ AVAILABLE NOW *******

 

A/N   
Thank you so much for reading to the end, I'm eternally grateful for your patience and support. I sincerely hope you enjoyed it.  
Any comments, feedback, suggestions, constructive criticism, et cetera is much appreciated.  
Please stick with the story, by reading the next book, in the follow-on story, which I'm currently working on.   
They'll be much more worth sticking around for, I promise ♡

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N  
> Thank you so much for reading to the end, I'm eternally grateful for your patience and support. I sincerely hope you enjoyed it.  
> Any kudos, comments, feedback, suggestions, constructive criticism, et cetera is much appreciated.  
> Please stick with the story, by reading the next book, in the follow-on story, which I'm currently working on.  
> They'll be much more worth sticking around for, I promise ♡


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